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SAM
[00:00:00] Best Book Bits podcast brings you Samantha Buckley Hugessen the bestselling author of the book, unstuck Yourself, the Guide of Designing Our Life You Love. She’s a mentor and certified personal coach, having 30 years of successful leadership, sales, and training experience working with Fortune 500 companies, startups, and Samantha, thanks for being on the show.
[00:00:22] So grateful. Thanks for having. No worries. Now we’ll deep dive into your book soon, but take us back on your journey. Where did it all start? Talk to me about your early years and how you first started out. Wow. How early do you wanna go? Michael, do we wanna go back to childhood when I got all my best lessons or when I screwed up a lot and got all my other good lessons?
[00:00:41] Or wherever you want where, wherever you wanna start. I explained a little bit of this in the book, but I’m like a huge portion of society. I came from a really dysfunction. environment, and I was born in the sixties and therefore the seventies was latchkey kids. We pretty much were left our own devices all the time.
[00:01:00] And my mom was married seven times. Seven times, not even to the same person, like crazy. So a lot of dysfunction and things like that. And dropped outta school a couple of times. So the fact that. Became successful in business and became successful in writing a book is pretty, I still pat myself on the back for that one.
[00:01:25] Yeah. Thanks for sharing. And yeah, in the book, chapter one, you go through some of your struggles and one of the things that your mom taught you was you were the only one who can take responsibility of your life as well. So tell me about some of the lessons that you learned early on and some of the things that really stuck with you.
[00:01:38] I think what I, I learned because the way I learned that lesson is you learn a lot of what not to do. People really need to embrace the what not to do is also a gift. And it really was a gift for me of what not to do and what was modeled for me growing up was people not taking responsibility for their actions, always playing the blame.
[00:01:59] So when I started to go down a path, I realized that when you are blaming others, when you’re not taking responsibility, you have no control. And most of us would love to call ourselves, when self-proclaimed control freaks. So take responsibility of what’s yours, and then you can control it if you try and point it to somebody else or hand it to somebody else, now you’ve lost complete.
[00:02:24] Correct. Yeah, absolutely. In the book you talk about one decision can make all the difference, and I think one of the, one of the pet peeves you had was, making cash at the expense of losing all your time sucks too. Can you talk about when you quit your high paying job and you took your big, heavy 50 pound Dell computer and, sat at the gate at Dallas Fort Worth airport and made a simple list of all the things you wanted in your life by writing it down, how did everything turn out after that?
[00:02:50] Amazing. Amazing. Okay, so I’ll back up a little bit. When when I was little, I call it the woowoo now, we were raised in the woowoo, on hands, healers and, Mercury’s and retrograde, and it was that kind of an environment. So I really pushed away from, I pushed away from anything that wasn’t science proven in front of me.
[00:03:12] It was just, And then the odd thing is that literally, I was in my late twenties at that point and sat on the floor at the Dallas Fort Worth airport and I made a list of the things I really wanted for my life. And then boom, they all started happening. They all started it was like a magical request or broadcast I put to the universe.
[00:03:35] And that’s Life works, it’s responding to us and it’s on the vibration that we’re on. It’s on the thoughts that we’re on. It’s delivering on our request. And so that was my first big reminder of, oh yeah, this stuff works. I’ve been resisting it and this stuff really works. So life worked out really great.
[00:03:56] My list, I think I even listed out in the book delivered on everything except my husband, who, by the way, when I wrote the list, I had a boyfriend of four years. So the fact that literally 10 months later I had a husband who I’ve been with for 23 years and going. We’re shorter than me cause I’m six foot two, so I’m pretty tall and I like, I, like I said, that, that practice, the list changed your life forever, but you keep updating the list as you go as well.
[00:04:21] And yeah. Jumping into book, you talk about the book’s called Unstuck Yourself. First I wanna know how the title come up but first. . Tell me about signs that you are stuck. So people out there right now, they might be listening to saying, that’s great for you, your life is fantastic, but at the moment I’m stuck.
[00:04:37] What are the signs to tell that people are stuck in a rut or stuck in their life as well? Can you go through some of those? Yeah. I’ll tell you there’s one big one. It’s when you think what do I wanna do? What do I wanna have? What do I want to be? If those questions are posed to you and you answer, I don’t know, you’re clearly.
[00:04:55] clearly stuck. And that’s how the name of the book came along. That’s how the purpose of writing the book. I really wrote the book because I wanted to make an impact cuz I had people come into my office, which now my office is Zoom full-time. But they would come physically come into my office and I go, okay, how can you know I serve you today?
[00:05:14] What’s going on? Why are you here? I’m stuck. They would just say, I’m stuck. I don’t. . So that’s a really big indicator when you don’t know, cuz you do know by the way, what happens is if the questions are a asked properly and in an safe space environment by someone skilled who knows how to ask good questions.
[00:05:34] When we say, I don’t know, that’s just, that is purely, I just wanna stay right here where I am. It’s a defense mechanism cuz at some level we always. and we’ll get into how to unstuck your life in a sec. But the other ones that I got from was, lack of motivation. If you are feeling depression, anxiety, complacency, tired or lazy, wishing for more, but not taking action, fear, addiction to your story, meaning like your old story as well.
[00:06:01] And, okay, you got me. I’m stuck. Now what? Chapter two, I like how you have the analogy. God, which is the grand overall designer. Can you talk to me a little bit about chapter two and grand overall designer and what you mean by that? Again, this is hundreds if not thousands of hours of talking to my clients.
[00:06:19] And my own personal experience. I’m not a kid. I’m in my mid fifties, so been walking the planet for a while. The grand overall designer, I think that when we ask a question most people believe in, . They believe in a power that’s greater than them. It’s one of the questions on my intake that I do with my clients if I’m considering working, it’s like, what do you believe in?
[00:06:36] And no judgment. It’s do you believe in something greater than you? Do you believe in energy? Do you believe in science? Do you believe in a God? Do you believe in the beard and the white? Robe, where are we? And in the book I, cuz you saw. . I don’t have it memorized now, but there’s 356 different religions in the USA alone, something like that.
[00:06:58] But they all have a very, they all most have a very common thread. And it’s about decency and love and kindness, believe it or not. And taking responsibility and know that we’re not alone in this. And that’s a big message I always like to prepare people with. You’re not alone in this.
[00:07:12] Like when I made that, I didn’t run out and do all those things. I did take action toward ’em, but trust me, the things that were laid in my path was something bigger than me receiving my, my action steps and helping me. Yeah. I like how you dived into the WOOWOO stuff, as you said and you said before that, you grew up, everything was like science and it had to be factual until you actually had an experience and sometimes experience supersedes.
[00:07:38] Facts because the experience is the fact that it actually happened. And when you talk about our thoughts and physical things have different frequencies, you can’t deny that the, your response to life. Is life’s response to you, to a point. Obviously we’ve got external circumstances, but your internal antenna, depending where it’s directed, is the station you’re going to pick up as well.
[00:08:01] It’s the secret cops, a lot of flack, the law of attraction cops a lot of flack, but at the end of the day, your attitude does create your future self as well. So depending on how you want to adjust that as well. Call it vibration, call it woowoo, but yeah, your. are physical things which is great.
[00:08:17] You also talk about faith and how the role of faith plays in living successfully as well. What’s the other choice? You say fear. Can you talk a little bit about, how when you work with clients, how just changing fear to faith changes everything as well? Yeah. I think when peop when my clients are in fear, it’s because they don’t know how.
[00:08:37] and we can talk more about how later, because that’ll screw you over every time is trying to figure out the how, when you’re designing your life. So if you think of it as a coin, you flip it over. We have faith on one side. We have fear on the other side, fear is a waste of imagination and creativity.
[00:08:56] Now there’s very real fear. It’s hot. There’s a truck coming at me. We have. Fears. But if we energize those back to your point of we’re on a frequency, we’re on a vibration. If we energize fear, then we’re gonna get more of it and attract more of it. So faith is a belief that it’s possible to be different.
[00:09:19] And that’s where I tell people to lean in. It’s can you believe it’s possible? Is it possible that it would turn out positively? It’s possible. Great. Let’s hold on to that. . So I would say, if I was gonna give a message here is the biggest message I give is I do not suggest people deny the facts.
[00:09:40] If there’s something to be fearful of, don’t deny it. I’m not suggesting that we go, it doesn’t exist. But I am suggesting that we energize the truth, which is the possibilities. In chapter three, you talk about fluid thinking, and this is where you start to talk about condition, circumstances and dream it up as well.
[00:09:59] Can you talk to us a little about fluid thinking and how to get the early stages of becoming unstuck as well? That vision? So subconscious mind, and I know that you’ve heard this is pretty dumb. It’s really, subconscious mind is just storing memories and it believes what you. , and that’s, and it also doesn’t sleep, so let’s put it to work.
[00:10:18] It does, they say it’s, they say it’s active about 80% of the time. Who depends? I’m not a scientist, but I can tell you what I’ve read and the co correlations, that they, yeah. So let’s put it to work. So subconscious minds. If it’s working all the time as broadcasting, let’s put in what we want to attract.
[00:10:38] I talk about designing a life you love. So if we remove the C, the conditions and circumstances, so let’s just pretend that you had, the degree that you wanted or you had, you lived in the place you wanted, or you’re married to the person you wanted, or it, and those what I mean by conditions or circumstances because so many people get stuck with Yeah, but I don’t have the degree, I don’t have the letters after my name.
[00:11:00] I don’t have the money. I don’t live in a town that does that. I don’t, I can’t. I, those are conditions and circum. So if we just removed those and said, just, let’s just say you could, what would life look like, let’s say two, three years from now? There’s a reason I do it two or three years from now, Michael, because people limit themselves.
[00:11:19] If I said six months from now, what would you love? They’d go, oh, if I could make a little bit of an increase if I could lose 10 pounds they can’t think of what’s possible in this timeframe. So you give ’em. Window. It all worked out. What would you love in your life? What would it look like?
[00:11:37] And then they start visualizing it. And guess what? Their subconscious is now playing that recording all the time. Their subconscious is seen it that way. Therefore, now they’re starting to get more comfortable. Now they’re broadcasting. Universe comes in God’s spirit. Source, g o d. It’s magic. It feels like it, but I’ve been doing this exact work for more than a decade with my.
[00:12:02] And I didn’t invent it. You’re right. You mentioned the secret, you mentioned, you know that Yeah, we, this is a, this is methodology that’s been going on for centuries and centuries, and it’s listed, believe it or not, in the Bible, in the Talmud, in the Koran. All these types of things we talk about actually are spoken to in these major, religious.
[00:12:26] I was gonna say, it sounds a little about Bob Proctor who died recently, but 50 years. He was talking about, the subconscious mind, the conscious mind, the unconscious mind. But one thing that you said there about expanding timeframe for three years, I was gonna say 25 years, or even 13 years or something like obscure like that.
[00:12:41] Tony Robbins says, people underestimate what they can do in a decade, but they overestimate what they can do in one year. But if you expand it out to ridiculous and say, In 13 years, what do you want? And people will be like, oh, I can’t really think that. But that’s a long runway to get where you want to get to.
[00:12:58] And at the end of the day, what a lot of people don’t do, they’re not holding true to what they actually want. So they don’t list their values, they don’t list their goals, they don’t know exactly where you want, any of you don’t know where you. Where you want to go, you’re just gonna go around the compass.
[00:13:13] Never going north, never going straight to your direction of your dreams. That’s why having clear goals and high hard goals is so important, but also changing your state to get into the vibrational state where. You don’t have to work that hard if it’s getting attracted to you. And that’s the law of attraction.
[00:13:30] The law of attraction is getting to the state where things come to you instead of you going to them. So it’s state first, not, running through the bush with machete, trying to chop down everything. Just let it come to you as well. You also have to put out there, if I can add this, is that it’s that belief energy, because you can’t con the.
[00:13:47] You can’t conn it. So it’s just, what can I get behind? What can I believe? Because that’s the energy right there. Yes. Thoughts are things, everything has to be a thought before it comes a thing, but it’s really about, okay, what can I believe? And I do that with clients. I do, okay, so what’s the three year?
[00:14:05] Because usually they manifest and create, and I really hate the abuse of the word manifest, but it’s what. . They create and attract and draw to them what their visions were, their new story, the life. They’ve by design pretty damn fast. So again, I just give them that window so they can think. If you tell me five years, 10 years, and I’m not used to this thinking technology, this fluid thinking, it might overwhelm me.
[00:14:29] That’s how I. No, I get it. Yeah, I get it. I’ll just give the listeners some examples that you put in the book as well. Cause they might be thinking, how do I actually talk to myself about these type of things? So some ideas, examples of loves and how you could get more specific in each of the categories.
[00:14:43] So career and creative expression. Talk about work I would love to do and or ways I want to use my special hobbies and gifts, health and this includes physical spiritual, and mental health. I would love to learn, oh, sorry. I’d love to be lean, strong and healthy. I would love to be working with a coach and going to church regularly.
[00:15:01] Time, money and freedom. I love to travel and vacation six weeks a year. My house is paid for, got enough money to live in ways, love in relationship. My partner and I have fun loving super communicators. So basically talking to yourself about things you want. In the future, but talking to yourself in the present as well.
[00:15:18] And one thing I like you had in the book was an example of a completed list. So on the one side you’ve got things that you love and the other side you’ve got things that you not really. So writing things down in your day-to-day. Can you talk about that and how important it is to actually get clear about what you said before?
[00:15:35] It was things. What not to do. The power of what not to do. Can you talk about that? Cuz I think that’s really important. No one takes the time to actually talk about what they don’t want to do, right? So again, it’s not denying the facts, it’s energizing the truth. So it’s amazing. I just got part.
[00:15:52] When my clients work with me, they do a course and then they also do privates 1 0 1 and I have them send me their written vision, which is what you’re discussing, talking about right now. And someone just sent it to me and there’s a few things in there. It’s really cool. And the idea, the vision is, okay, it’s three years from now or whatever period of time they chose, it all worked out.
[00:16:11] Describe your life to me. This is the thing, we have to be very careful with our. , right? The stand at the portal of your mind, Henry David Thoreau. Is that Henry David Thoreau, I think it is. Anyways, basically it might not be, it might be Emerson, but they’re two very smart people, so you have to be careful of your words, so you don’t sit there and say, oh, I don’t wanna be in pain anymore.
[00:16:35] Because what comes to your mind when I say that, Michael?
[00:16:42] I don’t wanna be in debt anymore. I’m debt free. What comes, what stands in your mind? So if words have a frequency, I don’t believe, they’ve done those tests where they have like the kids where they go and they talk nice to a plant or a piece of bread, or rice and then they talk terrible and mean to another.
[00:16:58] I don’t think that rice or plants or bread knows the difference between, a nice word and a bad word. It’s the. . Okay. So it’s the same thing. What’s hanging in our mind is I say, oh, I wanna be debt free. I’m so excited, I’m debt free. It’s all I hear is debt. So now I’m resonating at this low frequency.
[00:17:16] So when you list out your loves and your nds, so the cool thing about the K nds, let’s just use work for example. Oh, I don’t wanna commute six, three hours a day, or I don’t wanna work for a jerk boss, or I, don’t want to struggle. , there’s a flip side to that. Okay. So if you don’t wanna commute three, three hours a day, what do you want?
[00:17:38] I’d like to work remotely and, just go into the office a couple days a week. Great. Then you cross out, don’t wanna commute three hours a day and move it over to the love story. And that’s when we start design. . If you don’t wanna work for a jerk boss, what do you want? I want autonomy.
[00:17:55] I want with some, to work with somebody I admire that develops me, that, admires my skills. Great. So cross out the jerk boss. And now on the love side, I’m so grateful and you act as if I’m so grateful I work with these amazing people. So what happens is that this vision becomes part of a morning practice that we actually.
[00:18:16] And we tell the subconscious mind and we see it in our mind when things are showing up out of alignment. For that, we start taking action to create it as we want. You know what? If I really don’t want to commute three hours a day, what? What’s a thing I could do today? There’s the action piece.
[00:18:36] What’s the thing I could do today in the direction of that? Doesn’t have to be the perfect answer, just an. I can go talk to my boss about working remotely. I can leave this job. I could, blah, blah, blah. and it’s also warming up. Old cars need warming up. You would run the car for a bit before you actually drove the car.
[00:18:54] It’s similar to that in terms of, warm your subconscious mind up into the conscious to be aware of what you want and what you don’t want as well. And God’s way of staying anonymous is staying anonymous and sometimes things. Time. So you need to understand that the universe or you, yourself, your, that doesn’t happen overnight, but slowly things come into place just like a jigsaw.
[00:19:17] So put the edges of the jigsaw together and let God grant overall designer you, the universe, the let everyone conspire with you to put the pieces together. But you are the one that has to put the container together. You are the one that needs to know the edges and what you actually want as well, because.
[00:19:33] you never aspire you, you never going to achieve more than what you believe. You’re not gonna be a billionaire if you don’t believe you’re going to be a billionaire. You’re not gonna be a millionaire if you don’t believe you’re gonna be a millionaire because the belief comes first. Moving on chapter four, we talk about comeback from the future.
[00:19:48] And you talk about this great thing called what if. But first, one of the great quotes in there is freedom waiting for you on the breezes of the sky. And you ask, what if I fall, oh, but my darling, what if you fly? Now that’s huge. Everyone thinks about what is, if you fail, what is, if you succeed, like God damn.
[00:20:07] Like I was having a conversation with some guys, some coaching clients yesterday, and they’re like, oh, I want to start investing in a house and do this and that, and they’re really young. I was like, why don’t you just focus on the business that you’ve got at the moment, make sure that’s successful, and then five years time you can buy anything you want.
[00:20:23] So just, focus on. Focus on succeeding first before buying the things that maybe will make you look like you’re a success, but you’re not a true success until you’ve got, the life and freedom you want. But yeah. Moving on. So can you talk to me about what if and the power of what if in what if?
[00:20:39] What in, I’m gonna come through the back door on that one. So the idea of come back from the future, it sounds counter. to what this whole visioning process is. We have a story, we have a past, but we’re designing our life. So the type of coach I am, and the purpose of this book is let’s look through the windshield of your car.
[00:21:02] Stop looking in the rear view. We’re going forward. You know what I mean? Your life is, your future is ahead of you, not behind you. So we stopped looking back. So what happens though is a lot of people get stuck in anxiety. The what ifs. That’s. The energy around it. So if you get into the what if it works out?
[00:21:17] What if it doesn’t work out? What if? And it’s how we, so a couple things. When we’re doing that vision, and I was talking earlier about how you really, it’s an exercise that you see it in your mind. You put it on, you smell it, you feel it. Subconscious mind will make it that transition so much easier because it thinks it how is how things are already.
[00:21:37] Does that make sense? Yeah. It thinks it’s how a life is. It dials down the fear. And yeah, I think what you were speaking to as far as your client is a bit of sabotage, a little bit of posing, little bit of being naive and what have you, because people have fear of success. What will I lose my friends?
[00:21:55] Will they think differently of me? You know what, if I have it all and that I lose it and I look like a fraud, there’s a lot around. And of course feel of failure. We all know that fear of failure is ego. You just haven’t learned that failure’s feedback yet, that you’re you learn by doing.
[00:22:12] Correct. And it, yeah, and without doing, you’re not gonna get the feedback as well. And that’s also the importance we’re both coaches and we know that at the end of the day, some people just need a mirror or some self-reflection or someone that can tell them the truth of what they know or someone to just point them in the direction where they, oh, come.
[00:22:28] I’m so thankful. Getting that feedback is the missing thing. I call it info porn people just all day on the internet. Podcast after podcast, YouTube after YouTube book after book information. But if that information isn’t directed to you, meaning the feedback, you can just go around and it’s be on this info porn wheel where it’s not changing your life.
[00:22:50] You think it, you think you’re getting something. But at the end of the day, people change, people. Information doesn’t change. People won’t get. to the people who are creating the information, not just the information. One of the great notes I got from the book was changing how to, what’s next? And I really love that because it’s like, what’s next?
[00:23:07] What’s next? You don’t need to know how, it’s like, what do I need to do next? And I struggle with that daily being someone who’s got so much on the go. It’s like today, starting work soon. work from home myself. Like you on Zoom. What’s my double minute evaluation? What’s next? What do I actually do with my time?
[00:23:23] what’s next? Great little thing now and yeah, the only thing, the other one is the only time is now which is great. And the only difference between planning to start and starting how important it is for people to plan and just to start and create that vision thing. So what’s some of the steps you would say, you coaching a client, now you’re stuck.
[00:23:38] What’s the first thing they should do or. First three things they should do to start the process of moving forward. One, hire coach , a vision coach a good one, two would be to decide for what you want and it makes a decision if in the Webster’s dictionary, a few years ago when I was doing the research for this book, I looked it up and the word decide, like the third example of the word decide is to cut away.
[00:24:03] So when you make a decision, you cut away from anything that is not in alignment with that decision. It’s not a try, it’s a do. And the, to lead into the next thing about that it’s do it imperfectly, stop waiting for perfection. Huge block for most people. I’ll do it when I have all the information.
[00:24:23] I’ll do it when it’s perfect, I’ll, procrastination is usually perfection in disguise. We’re not gonna do it. Perfect. , but if we don’t do it, then we’re never gonna get do it perfectly . Yeah, I think that’s super. I think that’s super important. Can you tell us about your, tell us about your personal journey on ask the question, take action.
[00:24:43] And for years you wanted a house in Mexico, the finance with US and Canada. How did you manifest the life and where you’re living now? Okay, so I live in this cute little town. You may have heard it. Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. And moved here 15 years ago. Now, a lot of expats live here, but it wasn’t really like that when I moved here.
[00:25:07] Bottom line is that I’m very pragmatic in the sense that I’m, I make sure my duction a row. Don’t get me wrong, I’m, I make mistakes all the time. I screw up all the time and I don’t have a problem with. , but I make sure my ducks in arose. So I got financing to buy a house when, from a US bank when we moved here, so I could own my house.
[00:25:29] Cause I had a house up in Canada at the time in Whistler, British Columbia. So not ready to sell that cuz I didn’t know if we were gonna stay here. So it was like I’m not gonna get rid of my home if we’re not gonna stay here. Long story short, how this worked out is. got a loan. We had a loan for the house.
[00:25:48] House didn’t work out. Disappointing. It wasn’t us. We had the money, we were, it was something on the developer’s side. Went and went for another house. Same thing. Went for another house, same thing. And these were over the course of a couple of years. Like it wasn’t, we’re near a hot market and the deals fall through.
[00:26:05] This was just the weirdest thing till I finally just went. , there’s something going on here. I just need to pay attention. I, there’s something going on. I’m getting too much resistance. Pay attention to the resistance. It doesn’t mean quit, it doesn’t mean I wasn’t meant to have a house. It’s just something else is going on.
[00:26:22] So you back up and say, okay, what would I love? I would love to have a house with a View The Sea of Cortez, and with a pool, and I want it to be white with high ceilings, big windows. So I put that in my vision and I put it as if I already. So every morning I’d read, I’m so happy and grateful now that I have this incredible house, big windows beautiful garden, private swimming pool in an ocean view.
[00:26:42] Then you start saying, okay, so if that’s true, what’s some things I could do ? And so I started asking the person who I rented from, you wanna sell your house? Cuz I found out I lived in the house. I wanted, I didn’t realize that I was rent. the place and he was like, yeah, I’ll sell it to you for this price.
[00:27:03] I go, it’s not worth that price, but that’s what I paid for it. I go, but it’s not worth that price. It’s worth what someone’s willing to pay for it. Sorry, the market tanked and it’s not worth that. And it was just a whole bunch of nos. Okay, we’ll just sit with it. It’s fine then keep looking around.
[00:27:16] Long story short, I ended up buying the house I live in for half of what the big cost of build it.
[00:27:25] the seller carried the note, which was also unheard of at that time in this country, at a reasonable interest rate. You know what’s a thing I could do today? I could email the seller , wondering if they wanna carry the note. That’s what I mean about how, we let go of the how and we energize the what’s a thing?
[00:27:43] And it doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s just a thing. Just a question. Yeah. Everyone can write a list of. What they can do next or what they can do today. And I’ll read a little quote from the book you talk about. Always take action. Don’t worry about it. Just know it’s going to happen. And ask, what can I do today?
[00:28:01] What can I do now? There’s always something. A lot of times you must rely on God’s spirit, universal source reveal to you, but they can’t reveal it to you until you get further down the path. So you don’t need to. How you’re going to get there. It’s okay, what is that one step you can take? Today, I call the analogy of kicking the soccer ball down the road.
[00:28:20] So every day if you kick the soccer ball in one year, if you look back, you’d kick it so bloody far that it’s, you’re so far away from where you started. And that’s all you gotta do is just keep walking a little bit every day and you are gonna make up the steps as well. So we’ve covered the future, but we’re gonna go back into the past now.
[00:28:37] So chapter five, you talk about therapist, is the past. Leave it there. If you’re depressed, you’re living in the past. If you’re anxious, you’re living in the future. If you’re at peace, you’re living in the present. Can you talk to me about the value of the past and how reflection you can use the past to invest in your future?
[00:28:52] Absolutely. The past is your experience and experience is invaluable. I, it’s, good, bad, whatever. It’s how you wanna think about it, how you wanna look. . There’s a gift in all of it. As ugly as it can be, and as beautiful as it can be a gift. Some people hold onto how good things were they fantasize, and therefore they don’t get to move forward because they’re always comparing to the past, always comparing, you know what?
[00:29:17] Create a future that you love. Stop looking backwards. . The reason I got inspired to write that chapter has a lot to do with people holding onto their drama stories, which was stopping them. A lot of it was, you don’t know what happened to me. You don’t know my story, Sam. Okay, tell me your story. If you feel that I need to know your victim story, then bring it.
[00:29:38] It’s fine. I’ll, we’ll spend the hour and I’ll listen to you, but next time we’re gonna talk about what we do here, where we draw a line in the sand and we move forward. And you can bless your past and you can, visit it, but you don’t get to live there. Not when you’re working with me and not if you’re trying to design your life.
[00:29:52] The beautiful thing about that, I’ve been journaling for 15 years and recently I was reading my journal on this time last year, and then I had a coaching client yesterday and she told me the thing that I was thinking. She said, I look back in my journals and my goals and the two things I wish I did.
[00:30:06] I wish I thought bigger because I hit the goals that I hit, but the goals were too small. And I was like, yes. And that was one of the things that I was struggling with for a decade. Every year I would make these goals and I would hit half of them. and they were just small. And I look back now, and I don’t even read journals back more than three years ago, because I was a different person.
[00:30:26] And I know because my thinking was too small and my actions were too small. I’m only interested in, the last year or two years ago, meaning I get the wins, I get the small successes, but I’m still thinking small. So I need to think bigger so my actions can be greater. And that’s, and if you just keep living in the.
[00:30:46] You’re not your past anymore. You need to be thinking about your future through there. Past memories, hurt, relationships, suffering. Many times we are stuck in that particular story as well. You just gotta get over it as well. So talk to us about some exercises to step into the present and some, what are some ideas or beliefs from the old stuff and how you can reframe as well, and what’s the importance about that as well?
[00:31:07] Yeah. Yeah. So a lot of it. The, so if we’re gonna look at the past, I mentioned a lot of this already where we just say, listen, that was a gift. I’m so grateful for that experience and being gratitude even for the sucky ones. And that’s what people, they think that they can only be in gratitude for the really yummy, delicious ones.
[00:31:25] Being gratitude for the sucky ones. I just got off with a client and as I mentioned the top of our call today, or is, my childhood wasn’t ideal. . Oh my gosh. This client’s her crazy, her family’s crazy and it’s okay cuz most of us have a crazy families. And we were talking about horrible experiences and things like that, but we, she’s a phenomenal parent as a result of this.
[00:31:49] So it’s one of those things where we bless it and move on. So if we’re blessing our experiences, so grateful I had that. There’s another piece of this. When people mourn the past, they constantly mourn the experience. They mourn that it’s , let me help you change your vibration on this.
[00:32:04] So here’s a tool. You had it once, you will have it again. Be open to it, but if you’re holding onto it, there’s no room to receive it. Let it go. Great. Did it once. Do it again. Been happy before. Be happy again. Had money before can create abundance again. And it’s those taking actions and I can’t express this.
[00:32:28] You have to talk in the present tense as I am. I have, I feel not. I want not. I wish not, past. It’s, I am so grateful. I have so grateful. I feel right. I’m so grateful. I am subconscious mind believes you and starts firing the cells and the energy and the vibrations. It’s really killer. So if you wanna design your.
[00:32:55] You take the experience you have from the past and you put it on paper the way you want it to look in the future. And dropping. It’s really important. One of the stories, I, one of the things that my brain came to a story was a Buddhist story of a student goes to the monk and stay says, I wanna learn from you.
[00:33:12] You’re so wise. You’re you’re a monk. You’ve been doing this for decades. Let me learn. And the monk says, give me your cup. And he holds his cup out. And the monk just pour water, and the water overfills the cup, and the monk keeps pouring. And the student’s what are you doing? He goes, I. The analogy is you need to empty your cup first.
[00:33:30] You need to empty your cup first before I can give you knowledge. So the knowledge in Buddhism, like I study Buddhism, it’s not what I can teach you. It’s what you can drop and become an empty ve come an empty vessel where, and this is the power of journaling. So every night I’ll journal just to get the day outta my head onto paper.
[00:33:48] I can sleep right, but I can analyze it as well because yesterday’s dead. and it’s there. It’s moved out. So I’m empty. I’m not clogged up with thoughts, feelings, oh, this happened, that I’m not trying to work things out in my head. I’ll use my. As a clear, as a clear, empty antenna station, don’t use your head as a stor.
[00:34:05] Don’t use your head as a storage unit or a trashcan. Get it out. So that’s one of the things that I, and that’s the past. So you don’t want to accumulate past, in your head, put past in a journal. Put it on paper, focus on the future. Keep your mind empty for the day, and yeah you’ll feel better for it.
[00:34:20] So that’s one of the most therapeutic things I’ve ever done is the power of journaling as well. Yeah. The tea keeps pouring and it’s come back when your cup isn’t full. Correct. Yeah. Drop dropping desires is probably the best desire you can have as well. So you want happiness. Stop trying to get something to be happy and be happy in the present.
[00:34:39] And then here’s funny. So up to chapter six. The only time is now, Jim Roh says Happiness is not something. You postpone for the future. It’s something you designed for the present. He’s one of my major mentors in life as well. The guy who actually taught Tony Robbins. You talk about a couple things and I’ll go through it.
[00:34:54] You talk a bit about the leaning approach. Pick up the phone, make the call. That’s the best take the charge outta the situation. Lean into fear and procrastinate. Paralysis as well. You wanna expand on there? No, I think that was pretty, your self-explanatory. Just lean in and. I give the example in that chapter where, I’ve got a strong background in business and sales and, people don’t do things out of fear and fear, hope for gain, fear of loss, blah, blah, blah.
[00:35:17] And I, I’ve literally, many times, I’m an accountability partner for my clients. That’s the biggest thing I do for my clients, is I’m their accountability partner. So come our appointment on Tuesday. If they haven’t done something they said they’re gonna do, it’s okay, I’ll wait. Pick up the phone, let’s go lean in.
[00:35:33] It’s pull back the curtain. It’s there. It’s just a little guy behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz. It’s not this great, huge thing. I actually watched The Wizard of Oz last week. It’s funny enough, and yeah, the whole story’s an analogy of there’s no one behind the curtain.
[00:35:48] And it’s a little old man, holding the strings and, okay. There’s something else really cool about that though, that pertains to our conversation today, is that they were told in the beginning that there’s this, Emerald City, right? They’d never seen it. They were just told Fall the yellow brick.
[00:36:06] They’d never seen it, but they believed it was there and they believed that their solution was there. And so no matter what happened, flying monkeys, witches, whatever, didn’t matter. They just knew it existed. Therefore, they persisted. That’s the purpose of having a vision. It’s there. It’s there.
[00:36:23] How you get there. Just keep going because it already exists in, in, yeah. Quantum physics. It’s already. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Now, I’ll let the audience buy the book and read the book, but I won’t go through every single chapter. But one of the great things I got from the book, which was cool, you talk about Get a pimp, can you talk to me about getting a pimp in there and what that means as well.
[00:36:44] And that’s in the chapter of you can start right now, chapter nine. Yeah. I did it obviously for humor, so you know, you have to lighten up if you’re gonna read this book. A bit Pimp, powerful, important Morning Practice. Some people do it at night, which is fine. I find that to be a little bit more advance.
[00:36:59] When people can do it at night or do both, but I made the Ackerman so people would remember. Powerful, important morning practice. So I have a menu in the book of things that you can do to get yourself set up for your day, to get clear, to start manifest. You start creating, start designing every single day.
[00:37:17] And that’s the soul food menu when you talk about gratitude, meditation, breathing exercises, intention, affirmations, visualization and journaling. I, it’s funny enough, I’ve actually semi-retired now. So like yourself, I’m just a stay at home dad with a couple kids. My, my wife works. She looks after me.
[00:37:34] Great. But one of the things now I’ve got time on my hands, so I’m putting these things into practice, so I’d never had the time to meditate. So I’m gonna start meditating, breathing exercises. I’ve gone off and on and off on that, but I’m going to do that bit of yoga, stretching, intention, affirmations, and visualization.
[00:37:51] And I’ve been journaling and gratitude as well. So those that’s a great meal for the morning. Now that might take 15 minutes, but that’s a good breakfast. So maybe push breakfast out a bit and your breakfast could be a one minute of gratitude. Five minutes of meditation, three minutes of breathing two minutes of intention and affirmations, visualization, and maybe a two minute, a quick journal of, writing your future story out.
[00:38:12] So could be as simple as 15 minutes, or it could be an hour and a half, depending on how you wanna do. And it could be just two of those things for now, so people don’t get overwhelmed. Yeah, that’s right. Yeah. Or it could be, or it could be like Monday we do gratitude. Tuesday we do meditation, Wednesday we do whatever it is just, yeah, I think it’s great to put yourself into that particular state as well.
[00:38:33] Yeah, and I give great examples in that chapter as well. All right. So what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna leave the book, we’re gonna park the book there, and I’ll get audience can read it and we’ll shout out through there. We’re gonna jump into what they call a rapid fire questions. I’m gonna throw out some questions for you and you gimme some rapid fire questions.
[00:38:49] Where did you grow up? Seattle, Washington, usa. Cool. And what’s something people seem to misunderstand about you? I’m six two because they don’t usually see me standing up. What’s the favorite thing about where you live? The people and the. . And if you could have dinner with anyone, who would it be? My dad.
[00:39:07] And what’s one thing you can’t live without? Wine. Wine. That’s like my wife. When I was younger. You wanted to be? A cop and a psychologist. Cool. You’re inspired by? My children. What’s the one person who motivates you? My children. You could change anything in the world. What would it be? Distribution. What was your first job?
[00:39:29] I cleaned the meat department in a grocery store, the butcher department in a grocery store when I was 12 years old. I worked in a I was making plastic frisbees when I was 14 on a summer hot. I dunno, ask me anyway. Yeah. Advice you would give, advice you would give the world that they would stop doing?
[00:39:44] So advice you would give the world to stop doing, stressing out about uncontrollable things. It’s all working out. It always. That was another advice my dad said. He had said, stop worrying about things you can’t control. And I’d scream at the news when I was young. I’d scream at the news. What’s one of your pet peeves?
[00:40:01] People whining about their victim stories. Cool. A favorite quote. Good things happen to good people. Doing good things. What’s one of your favorite productivity hacks? Calendarizing. Calendarizing. What do you mean by that? Everything goes in a calendar. I don’t have to-do lists. Everything goes into calendar.
[00:40:17] So if I have a to-do list, you know I’m gonna do this. Everything goes into a cal. Got it. Okay. A couple last ones as well. Where can listeners find you online? Www designed life l c or any Instagram as a designed life or everything is a design life llc. I, the book’s on Audible as well. Put it in the show notes and links there as well.
[00:40:39] Where are you most active on social media? Facebook. I’m old. I like the old. And what’s one YouTube channel or podcast show that you would recommend? Others? How about best book bits? Yeah. That’s cool. Yeah, it’s a good channel. What’s what’s one book or one author in the past that’s changed your life?
[00:40:56] Wallace d Wattles but there’s a trilogy and so people should listen to the trilogy. Second last question. What is your hidden talent? I’m actually a really good dancer and singer. That’s all. That’s awesome. And last, what’s next for you? You inspired me. I think that we might do a book, just so you know.
[00:41:15] Cuz I’m better at it now and I’m wiser at it now. And I would just speak what I think a lot clearer. Cool. I’m doing my second book as well. It’s called Fat to Fit Journey. I’m trying to get over this health thing. I’ve been yo-yo dieting for so long, so next year it’s going it’s going live.
[00:41:30] So looking forward to that. But Samantha, thank you. Yeah, it’s cool. It’s a holistic journey on, on Health. Thank you for being a guest on the Best Book Bits podcast. I hope my audience got a lot out of this. Please, for my audience, I’ll put the link below. But go out and get this book called Unstuck Yourself.
[00:41:46] It’s not unf yourself, it’s unstuck yourself to guide to designing a life that you love. So Samantha, thank you again for being a guest and enjoy the rest of your day in Mexico. Thank you so much. Beautiful. And I’ll speak. Cheers. Bye.
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