Relationships are more important than anything else. They are everything. Nothing in life can cause you more pain or happiness than relationships. All happy people are relationship experts. Good news is relationships can be learned. It’s very much like cooking. This book will teach you 21 ways to have better relationships. Any one single idea can change your life if it’s the right time.
Make a total commitment
Throw your whole heart in making this relationships successful. You never consider the possibility of getting out of it. If you can’t, you probably shouldn’t get into it in the first place. Take the best friend test. There should be no on else in the world in who you are more open honest and trusting. If you have problems you resolve in advance you will resolve them no longer how long it will take. It’s only until you are totally committed to one person where you feel totally free. You can use your excess energies in other areas of your life.
Tell the other person how you are feeling. If you have a concern problem or question or anything else be open honest. In any relationship there will always be misunderstandings since two people are different in so many ways. Your jobs is to clear this up as you would clear a kitchen after every meal. Never expect the other person to read your mind. It’s not fair for him or her and possible since your mind is changing with every new mind and stimulus. Never have secrets from other person. Never have other person guessing what’s going on. When you communicate pick your timing carefully. Wait until the person is in a position where they can fully take in what you are saying. If you are unhappy for any reason, instead of taking it out as an attack say ‘when you do such and such and such, I feel” etc. when you go about it like this, the other person will aim to do better. Always resolve issues when they rise and don’t let them build up.
Ask for what you want
Sometimes people feel that they do not deserve what they want but nothing could be further for the truth. When you are in the right relationship for you, the other person will want you to be happy. It’s not fair to just assume that you need help. Ask for what you want emotionally. If you feel the other person is not meeting these emotional needs, you are responsible for making these requests. Make asking and receiving easy for both of you. Ask courteously, expectantly, and ask cheerfully but don’t be afraid to ask.
Accept others differences. You are unique and different from others. No one has ever been or will ever be just like you. You are attracted to your partner because of the differences and strengths that are complimentary to your own. Sometimes in relationships we try to change others. People don’t change. People may modify around the edges but people don’t change. When you criticize the differences, you make them feel they are not good enough in some way. When we do we are saying we are superior and they are inferior. This causes issues in the relationship. Practice unconditional positive regard. Accept them for exactly for who they are. Don’t criticize someone on something that cannot be changed. If you want them to change or modify behavior say why don’t you give me a call if you are going to be tardy, etc. Never expect them to change, accept them for who they are. This increases the likelihood of staying in love forever.
Expect the best of the other person and that they have a good reason for everything they do. The more you express positive expectations on others they will strive to meet your expectations whatever they are. Most people who became successful is because their spouse believed in them. Say “I believe in you.” It brings the best when someone we love believes in them. Expect the best in yourself. Popular wherever you go. Excellent. Whatever you expect with confidence becomes your reality. Always expect the best.
Encourage the other. Continually tell them they are a good and capable person and can do anything they set their mind to. Make a habit of looking for the good in every problem. In helping the other person be sure to point out the good in a sitiation. Always tell the other person they’re the best. How smart and how capable someone is. Your job is to be the primary source of encouragement in his or her life. This is a wonderful way to stay in love for ever.
Be a good listener. This is one of the best skills in relationships. All the best relationships are good at listening to the other. Listen attentively. Listen without interruption. Lean forward and pay attention to the other person. When you listen to another person, you are telling that person you value them very much. Pause. When you pause, you are showing you are paying close attention to what they are saying. Question for clarification. Ask a question so you really understand. Feed it back to them so you can demonstrate you where really paying attention. Listening is referred to as white magic. It’s the fastest way to build the bridge in any situation.
Think first to understand. Most people spend all their time trying to get the other person to understand them. Instead focus all your energies to understanding them. Everyone wants to be understood especially by the most important people in their lives. You ask questions like how do you mean. You give them the opportunities to express themselves more thoroughly. When you do this, you gain a deeper understanding. Don’t offer opinions or try to solve problems just really listen to what the other person really means. Asking questions too. Then restate what they said so they know you understand them.
Set reasonable standards. The reality is generally people have more weaknesses than strengths. When you fall in love with a person, you fall in love with their strengths. Don’t compare your partners qualities with someone’s who might have superior qualities. This has nothing to do with your relationship. You have weaknesses too. Focus on the good qualities the other person has most of the time. This is the real key to stay in love forever.
Raise self esteem of the other person. Do things to make the other person feel important. We all have an ego. Everything we do is to build our self esteem or protect it. If you become the primary source of self esteem, you become the primarily source of desirability and love for the other person. Number one is acceptance. Two is agreeable. Look for what is right instead of what is wrong. Express appreciation by saying Thank you. The more you do this, the more the other person will do those things more. Approval and praise. They feel happy valuable and important inside and you can’t praise people too much. Admire and compliment. He and she feels happy inside whenever you practice this. The other person will practice them on you as well when you practice approval and appreciation.
Don’t go to bed upset. Never lie their fuming with something that hasn’t been resolved. Kitchen or living room is good far from the bedroom. The bedroom is for sleeping and love making. Separate these areas. Ask what’s important here. You’ll find that your relationship is #1. So agree no matter what it is, you will work it out before you go to bed.
Always think of your partner as ideal. Visualize them as the very best person they can possibly be. This has an impact on the other persons sub conscious mind. Imagine him and her as the person you fell in love with. See him and her as loving friendly and constructive. Imagine him or her as the person you fell in love with and who you want to walk through the door again. A woman said that by using this method the man I was about to divorce became the man I married. Visualize your partner as everything you could want in a mate and this alone could be the key to staying in love forever.
Treat the other person as a client. Treat them as they were the most important client in your company and you are assigned to take care of this client. Always treat your spouse as if they were the most important person in your world because they are the most important person in your world.
Remember when you were courting. It grows deeper over time. Your relationship is like a fine wine and grows deeper over time. Remember why you fell in love. What was it that brought you two together. Even if and after the initial spark fades, this will be great for the relationships.
Forgive. Refuse to remain upset on what’s already happened. It’s not helpful to continue to be upset. Forgiveness is a practice you can learn. Draw a line through your past, say I let it go and I forgive him and her for everything, I wish her well. Forgive on a daily basis. Set peace of mind as your highest goal. You’ll have to freely forgive him or her for everything she or he has ever done.
Apologize for your mistakes. Say I’m sorry. When you apologize you are forgiving the other person and letting it go. If they don’t reciprocate that’s on them. You can say I could be wrong, I often am. Focus on future rather than the past.
Offer to help. Equal division of the work that needs to be done around the house. Offer to do things that can easily be done by the other person. Continually offer to do things that alleviate the burden of someone else. Take the kids out so the woman can sleep etc if there is fatigue. You’ll feel better about yourself. People love to help the people they love the most.
Learn the other persons interests. Find out what the other person finds interesting and spend a little time to learn about it and ask the other person questions about it. Compatibility is important and means they have a lot in common. It is responsible for the other person to learn the other persons interests so they always have compatibility with each other. No need to become an expert.
Accept complete responsibility. They are proactive and make things happen. They take charge refuses to complain and make excuses. They say I’m responsible. Your self esteem goes up versus when you complain and make someone else responsible you give your power. Both parties should take complete full self responsibility and help the needs of the other.
Create chunks of time to spend with the other person. Be creative in carving out these chunks of time. As essential to your emotional health as water is to your health. Plan vacations, take walks with the other, grab tea etc and just talk. Place honest open communication on top of the list.
Developed shared goals. They say a couple that prays together stays together. Well couples that have shared goals stays together as well. Sit together and see 5 or 10 years later and it was ideal. What would it look like. Look at your dream list and if your life was perfect. Imagine you won the lottery and then ask how you can bring about the lifestyle you want. Ask yourself how and you’ll be amazed at what it will do. Talk about your vision and the direction your are going. This becomes the glue that binds people together. The two people become tuned with each other. No matter what happens outwardly. They love and respect each other more and enjoy the ups and downs and progress together. They become a simple unit and stay in love forever.
It’s the best time to be alive and relationships are the most important thing and more important to the other areas of your life. Practice the ideas to stay in love together. Read this list over and over again and spend a few mins to resolve any difficulties with the word how. The more you think how the more insights will come to you and you’ll be on your way in staying in love forever.
Shout out to JJ Corbin for doing the written summary