Tony Robbins Ultimate Edge Program PERSONAL POWER CLASSIC
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TONY ROBBINS – ULTIMATE EDGE – PERSONAL POWER CLASSIC
Welcome to the Ultimate Edge—your guide to getting the most out of life regardless of the circumstances that confront you and achieving the results you want, be it your finances, relationships, body, emotions, time—everything that matters to you most.
DAY 1—THE KEY TO PERSONAL POWER
HARNESSING THE POWER OF DECISION
Making decisions and using your Personal Power, which is your ability to take consistent action, change your life. This power is already within you and just needs to be awakened by igniting your desire and by showing yourself some simple systematic strategies on how to get greater results on a daily basis.
If you’re dissatisfied with some area of your life right now, instead of getting frustrated, get exited.
Because until you get dissatisfied, you won’t do anything to really take your life to another level.
No matter what’s happened in your past or how many times you’ve tried and failed, none of that matters because each moment is a fresh new opportunity.
THE ULTIMATE SUCCESS FORMULA
If you want to create success in your life, there are four steps:
Know your outcome.
Get yourself to take action by deciding to do so.
Notice what you’re getting from your actions.
If what you’re doing is not working, change your approach.
The biggest trap that keeps people from taking action is fear: fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of the unknown. The only way to deal with fear is to face it. Look it in the eye, and take action in spite of it.
It’s not what we can do in life that makes the difference. It’s what we will do. Often, we don’t follow through because we don’t know what we want, and when we do know, we’re afraid to take action.
How long would you give the average baby to learn how to walk before you didn’t let him try anymore?
Why wouldn’t you apply the same formula to yourself?
THE POWER OF MODELING
Success Leaves Clues
To save time and energy, use role models to accelerate the pace of your success:
Find someone who’s already getting the results you want.
Find out what that person is doing.
Do the same things, and you’ll get the same results.
It’s impossible to fail as long as you learn something from what you do!
YOUR ASSIGNMENT
Never leave the site of setting a goal or making a decision without taking some action toward its attainment. That’s how you create momentum and start to tap into the real driving force within you.
Complete the two steps on the following pages to take action and create momentum now.
TAKING ACTION TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE
STEP 1: Make two decisions
What are two decisions you’ve been putting off which, when you make them now, will change your life?
STEP 2: Take immediate action
What are three simple things you can do immediately that will be consistent with your two new decisions? Whom could you call? What could you commit to?
DAY 2—PAIN AND PLEASURE
THE CONTROLLING FORCES THAT DIRECT YOUR LIFE
Ultimately, everything we do in our lives is driven by our fundamental need to avoid pain and our desire to gain pleasure; both are biologically driven and constitute a controlling force in our lives.
We will do far more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure. Pain is the greater motivator in the short term.
To get what you want in your life, you have to figure out what stops you. Whenever you procrastinate, it’s because you think that taking action would be more painful than doing nothing or not taking action. Conversely, sometimes if you procrastinate for too long, it reverses on you! For example, if you keep putting something off (like a term paper or your taxes), you may get to a point the night before it’s due where you start to think that not doing it will be more painful than doing it. And then all night long, you experience the pain of getting the job done.
You must learn to control the motivating forces of pain and pleasure.
How can you use this understanding? At any moment in time, you must realize that your reality is based on whatever you focus on. In other words, whatever you focus your attention on is what is most real to you.
Therefore, if you want to change your behavior, you must focus your attention on:
How not changing your behavior will be more painful than changing it.
How changing it will bring you measurable and immediate pleasure.
If you are avoiding anything in your life or if you’re sabotaging your success in any area, it’s because you are experiencing approach/avoidance. You have a mixed set of associations about pain and pleasure. You think that by doing something (e.g. getting into a relationship), you will gain more pleasure, but at the same time, you think it might mean pain (e.g. the relationship might end). So as soon as you start to make progress, you sabotage it.
If you want to change this once and for all, you have to decide right now that you control the focus of your mind. If you’re not following through, all you have to do is focus on “What’s the pain I’m going to have if I don’t do this?” instead of focusing on the pain you might experience from taking the action. You also have to focus on what pleasure you will experience when you do follow through. You must change what you link pain and pleasure to in order to change your behavior.
DAY 2—PAIN AND PLEASURE
UTILIZING PAIN AND PLEASURE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE
YOUR ASSIGNMENT
Use pain and pleasure instead of letting pain and pleasure use you!
To take control of your life, you must take control of the force of decision. The power to change anything in your life is born the moment you make a real decision—which by definition is something that causes you to take immediate action. Take the following steps now.
STEP 1: Four new actions
STEP 2: Pain you’ve associated with following through
What is the pain you’ve associated with these actions in the past?
STEP 3: Pleasure you’ve associated with not following through
What is the pleasure you took from not following through in the past?
STEP 4: Pain if you don’t follow through
What will it cost you if you don’t follow through now?
STEP 5: Pleasure if you do follow through
What are the benefits you’ll gain by taking action in each of these areas now? How will it enhance your life? How will it create greater joy, happiness, success, freedom or pride?
DAY 3—THE POWER OF ASSOCIATIONS
THE KEY TO SHAPING YOUR DESTINY
Specifically, what drives our lives is our neuro-associations—whatever pleasure or pain we associate or “link” to a situation in our nervous system is going to determine our behavior.
If we want to change our lives, we must change our neuro-associations:
The science you’re learning about in this program is Neuro-Associative Conditioning® (NAC). This system will allow you to link massive pleasure to tasks you’ve been putting off but need to take action on today and to link pain to behaviors you’re currently indulging in but need to stop—both of which will help you tap into the natural principles of your nervous system. The use of this program will give you a way to take direct control of all your behaviors and emotions in a way that simply requires the power of reinforcement, not discipline.
In this session, you learned to ask yourself, “What are some of the negative associations I’ve made in the past that have kept me from taking the actions I need to take to achieve my ultimate desires?”
Your neuro-associations control your level of motivation.
Every single action you take has an effect on your destiny. If we study destiny, we find everything in life has four parts:
Everything we think or do is a cause set in motion.
Every one of our thoughts and actions is going to have an effect or result in our lives.
Our results begin to “stack up” to take our lives in a particular direction.
For every direction, there is an ultimate destination or destiny
ACTIONS DESTINY CAUSE EFFECT DIRECTION
EMPOWERING VS. DISEMPOWERING NEURO-ASSOCIATIONS
YOUR ASSIGNMENT
Decide you will change these today. Simple awareness can be curative. It can break the pattern of allowing our unconscious conditioning to control us.
STEP 1: Three empowering neuro-associations from your past
What are three neuro-associations that you’ve made in the past that have positively shaped your destiny?
STEP 2: Three disempowering neuro-associations from your past
What are three neuro-associations that you’ve made in the past that have disempowered you until now?
DAY 4—THE THREE STEPS TO LASTING CHANGE
THE SCIENCE OF NEURO-ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONING®
To change your life, you must change your neuro-associations. Three things must be in place for you to make these changes and count on them to last. They are the three fundamentals of NAC:
Get leverage on yourself
To do this, three levels of responsibility are necessary—you must decide the following:
Something must change.
I must change it.
I can change it.
Interrupt your current pattern of association
You must scramble the old pattern of thinking and feeling. This is best done by using something unusual, such as making a radical change in what you say or how you move your body.
Condition a new empowering association
Install a new choice, and reinforce it until it is conditioned. Any thought, emotion or behavior that is consistently reinforced will become a habit (a conditioned pattern). Link pleasure to your new choice. Reward yourself emotionally for even small progress, and you will find yourself developing new patterns quickly.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT
For each or the four actions you listed yesterday, do the following.
STEP 1: Get leverage
Ten reasons why I must change now, and why I know I can do it:
STEP 2: Interrupt your own pattern
Four of five ways to get myself out of the limiting associations:
STEP 3: Condition yourself by rehearsing your new behavior
Give yourself a sense of accomplishment and exhilaration, pride, or joy each time you do this. Do it consistently and rapidly until each time you think of this new pattern, you feel good automatically.
DAY 5—THE GOAL-SETTING WORKSHOP
HOW TO CREATE A COMPELLING FUTURE
Goals give you the ability to create your future in advance. They can make you grow, expand, develop your success and transform your life. If you already know some of your goals or you’ve done a goal-setting workshop in the past, here is a chance to do it again even more effectively.
Compelling goals contain two key components:
Identify your goals: What do you want?
Something magical happens when you take generalized impulses of desire and start defining them more precisely.
Identify your purpose: Why do you want it? What will it give you?
Reasons come first; answers come second. When you get a big enough reason to accomplish something, you can figure out how to do it.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT
As you listen to the real-time goal-setting workshop, follow my instructions and use the following pages to record your goals.
At the end of the session, take these three additional steps:
STEP 1: Keep your top nine goals and the reasons you are committed to achieving them in front of you on a consistent basis. Put them inside the cover of your journal or someplace where you will see them every day.
STEP 2: Never leave the site of setting a goal without taking some action toward its attainment. For each of your top nine goals, write down one action you can take immediately to make initial progress toward achieving it. Take that action today!
STEP 3: Take the rocking chair test: Imagine yourself much older, sitting in your rocking chair and looking back on your life, as if you had not achieved your goal; then imagine that you have achieved it. Experience the pain that would come from not doing it and the pleasure that would come from accomplishing your goal.
HOW TO CREATE A COMPELLING FUTURE
Personal Development Goals
List your personal development goals. Next to each one, write down the time within which you are committed to accomplishing it (e.g., 1, 3, 5, 10, 20 years).
Identify your top three personal development goals. For each one, write a paragraph telling why you are absolutely committed to achieving this goal now.
Things Goals
List your material goals. Next to each one, write down the time within which you are committed to attaining it (e.g., 1, 3, 5, 10, 20 years).
Identify your top three material goals. For each one, write a paragraph telling why you are absolutely committed to attaining this goal now.
Economic or Financial Goals
List your economic or financial goals. Next to each one, write down the time within which you are committed to accomplishing it (e.g., 1, 3, 5, 10, 20 years).
Identify your top three economic or financial goals. For each one, write a paragraph telling why you are absolutely committed to achieving this goal now.
DAY 6—THE DRIVING FORCE
UNLEASHING THE POWER OF YOUR 6 HUMAN NEEDS
All of us as human beings have different desires, but we are all driven by the same set of needs. Understanding the 6 Human Needs can allow you to turn on your driving force, discover all you’re capable of and become truly fulfilled on a consistent basis.
The Four Classes of Experience
We usually think of a Class 1 experience as a “peak life experience.” A Class 1 experience:
feels good
is good for you
is good for others
serves the greater good
Most people want to avoid Class 2 experiences, but mastering them brings us the most joy, growth and fulfillment. A Class 2 experience:
does not feel good
is good for you
is good for others
Serves the greater good
Nonproductive Class 3 experiences provide immediate pleasure but eventually destroy our quality of life and give us ultimate pain. Drinking or eating to excess could fit into this category. A Class 3 experience:
feels good
is not good for you
is not good for others
does not serve the greater good
People often indulge in Class 4 experiences as a result of peer pressure, conditioning or old belief systems. Smoking cigarettes, for example, usually doesn’t feel good the first time, yet many people continue to do it. A Class 4 experience:
does not feel good
is not good for you
is not good for others
does not serve the greater good
The secret to a happy and fulfilled life is learning to convert Class 2 experiences into Class 1—making the process of doing them feel good as well as be good.
The 6 Human Needs
All of us have the same problems because we all have the same 6 human needs. These needs are paradoxical—they seem to be in conflict with one another. Serious problems can arise when we choose destructive tools or vehicles to try to satisfy these needs. Instead, we can choose to establish new patterns of fulfilling our needs that will move us rapidly toward life mastery.
TO BE FULFILLED, WE MUST CONSISTENTLY MEET THESE
6 HUMAN NEEDS: 1) Certainty 2) Uncertainty 3) Significance 4) Love and Connection 5) Growth 6) Contribution
All human beings have the need for:
Certainty
For most people, certainty equals survival. As you heard in this session, when I was faced with the news of a pituitary tumor, it had a powerful effect on my level of certainty. We all need a sense of certainty that the roof will hold above our heads, that the floor will hold beneath our feet and that we can avoid pain and gain pleasure.
How do we meet the need for certainty? Some people try to achieve it by reaching for things that make them certain they can be comfortable: food, drugs, alcohol or cigarettes. Others find it by submersing themselves in their work or by trying to control everything around them—their environment or other people. These are usually Class 3 experiences (they may feel good for the moment but are not good for you, are not good for those around you and do not serve the greater good).
On the other hand, using your internal courage or faith to achieve certainty would be a Class 1 experience. When you’re feeling courageous, when you’re using your faith, you tend also to do those things that serve the greater good.
How do you try to get certainty in your life? List some of the ways you try to be certain you can be comfortable, avoid pain and gain pleasure.
Here’s the paradox, though. When you become totally certain, when things are completely predictable, you satiate this need and become b-o-r-e-d. And so while we want certainty, we simultaneously want a certain amount of . . .
- Uncertainty/Variety
Everyone needs variety, a surprise, a challenge to feel fully alive and to experience fulfillment. With too much certainty, we’re bored. Likewise, with too much variety, we become extremely fearful and concerned.
People will violate their values to meet their needs.
Choosing the wrong vehicle only leads to pain
There’s a delicate balance between these two needs that must be struck for us to feel truly fulfilled. We need a degree of certainty in our lives to appreciate the variety. Some people choose negative ways of getting variety, like using drugs or alcohol to change their emotional states or the way they feel. Others choose neutral vehicles, like watching movies. Still others use positive vehicles, like stimulating conversation and opportunities to learn.
How do you try to get variety in your life? List some of the positive ways you try to create surprise, challenges and diversity in your life.
Significance
We all have a need for significance, the sense that we are unique in some way, that our lives have a special purpose or meaning. We can try to meet this need through destructive vehicles—for example, making ourselves unique by manufacturing a belief that we’re better than everyone else or by developing extreme problems that set us apart. Medical science now shows that some people have even developed the subconscious ability to make themselves ill in order to gain the caring attention of others. This would clearly be a Class 4 experience.
Some people develop uniqueness by earning more money, having more “toys,” going to school and achieving more degrees or dressing in a unique way and having a certain sense of style. Some choose to live lives of extraordinary service, a positive Class 1 experience that may feel like Class 2 at times.
How do you try to get significance in your life? List some of the things you do that make you feel unique, needed, fulfilled or significant.
We all need to feel unique. But paradoxically, to feel unique we have to separate ourselves from other people. If we feel totally unique, we feel different and separate, which violates our need for . . .
Love and Connection
All of us as human beings need to feel connected with ourselves as well as others with whom we can share our love.
To meet this need, you can join a group or a club that has a positive purpose. Some people join gangs, which have negative purposes but still provide that sense of connection. Some people feel immediate connection by aligning with their Creator and feeling like they’re being guided. People will steal, take drugs or drink excessive amounts of alcohol to be part of a group and feel a sense of connection. Others will perform at extraordinary levels in order to be accepted, loved or connected to a high-performance team.
As with all 6 Human Needs, if you give consistently that which you wish to receive, you will tend to get it back from others.
How do you try to get love and connection in your life? List some of the ways you try to feel connected to yourself, to others, to your Creator.
These first four needs are the fundamental needs. The next two are the primary needs that must be met for you to feel totally fulfilled as a person.
Growth
Growth equals life. On this planet, everything that is alive is either growing or dying. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, how many people acknowledge you or what you have achieved . . . unless you feel like you’re growing, you will be unhappy and unfulfilled. But you must also be able to experience the euphoria of meaningful . . .
Contribution
We all have a deep need to go beyond ourselves and to live a life that serves the greater good. In the moments that we do this, we experience true joy and fulfillment. Contributing not only to others but to ourselves is a meaningful action, for we cannot give to others that which we do not have. A balance of contribution to oneself and to others, especially unselfish contribution, is the ultimate secret to the joy that so many people wish to have in their lives.
How do you try to get growth and contribution in your life? List some of the things you do to obtain the feeling that you are growing and contributing—to yourself, to others, to the world at large.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT
If there is anything you love to do (and you could do for hours) that others find difficult, I can promise you it’s because this activity meets all of your needs at a high level. If you find a few vehicles that meet all six of your needs, you’ll find yourself full of drive and you’ll know what to do to achieve your goals. And it all starts with awareness—you must become aware of why you’re doing what you’re doing and find a new pattern for fulfillment!
What’s something you love to do, something you feel compelled to do, something that feels effortless for you?
What’s something you hate to do, or try to avoid doing?
Write down something you don’t like to do but have to do (a Class 2 experience that doesn’t feel good but is good for you, is good for others and serves the greater good):
Turn that activity into a Class 1 experience by finding ways to make sure it meets all six of your needs at a greater level.
Certainty: What could I do or believe to make thinking about this activity feel not only comfortable but also pleasurable?
Uncertainty: How could I bring more variety to this task?
Significance: How can I appreciate how important this is?
Love and Connection: How can I feel more love while I’m doing this?
Growth and Contribution: How can I feel like I’m growing and contributing?
DAY 7—THE RAPID PLANNING METHOD
THE POWER OF A RESULTS-FOCUSED LIFE
We live in a world where there are more demands placed on us now than at any other time in human history. We try to fill so many roles: ultimate father, ultimate mother, great lover, best friend to the world, community activist, spiritual being and total athlete. Some of us manage to cross off everything on our to-do lists—yet still feel unhappy and unfulfilled, as if we have no freedom, we have no life, we have no time. Oh, if only we had more time!
But what is time? Time is nothing but a feeling. If you want more time, you simply need to manage your feelings. Haven’t you had periods in your life when time flew, when you had no stress, when everything seemed to flow effortlessly? And haven’t you also had moments when time stood still, when every second was an eternity? It isn’t time that causes stress; it’s the feelings we generate about the subject of time.
What you focus on determines how you feel, and the questions you ask yourself control your focus. The Rapid Planning Method, or RPM, is a simple system of thinking that creates extraordinary results and an amazing level of personal fulfillment. RPM will help you do two things:
- Decide in advance what you want to focus on.
- Get yourself to focus every single day on what it will take for you to get the results you’re really after.
RPM is a results-focused, purpose-driven, massive action plan that consists of three simple questions.
The Three Questions of RPM
Results: What do I really want? What is my outcome? What is the specific result I’m committed to achieving?
Purpose: Why do I really want it? What is my purpose?
MAP: What specific actions must I take to make this happen? What is my Massive Action Plan (MAP)?
THE POWER OF CHUNKING
The simplest chunking is in groups of three. Most phone numbers are chunked into three parts (area code, prefix, last four digits); so are Social Security numbers. Most people even have three names— first, middle, and last. It’s much easier to remember three chunks than to remember 10 digits or a string of letters.
With the RPM system, you can easily chunk your to-do list from 12 items into three or four results or outcomes and create an RPM block: a result, a purpose and a set of action items.
In this session, you heard about Elvis, who decided to solve his weight problem by adding a 10-mile run to his to-do list. Elvis focused on this action item instead of establishing a clear picture of what he really wanted—to lose 20 pounds. There were many other ways Elvis could have achieved his outcome if he’d known what he really wanted. He needed to create an RPM block using these questions:
- What specific result am I committed to achieving?
- What’s my purpose?
- What actions do I need to take?
CATEGORIES OF IMPROVEMENT
YOUR ASSIGNMENT
What are the six to eight most important areas of your life that you must make progress in every week?
What specific result do you want in each area in the next 90 days? The next 30 days? What do you want to make happen this week so you are making progress toward these results?
For each result, why must you make this happen? (Give yourself enough reasons to overcome the challenges that can show up later.)
SAMPLE AREAS
My body
My family
My business or career
My spirituality, my relationship with my Creator
My friends and relationships
My finances
For each area, write at least the first two steps of your Massive Action Plan, or MAP. What two actions can you take? Whom do you need to call, what do you need to schedule and what can you do right away in each of these areas?
We Are All Weird by Seth Godin Book Summary
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We Are All Weird by Seth Godin
Have you at any point met somebody great, 100% normal? Likely not. Indeed, even the most commonplace among us have interests, side interests, and propensities that set us apart. Stamp gatherers? Weird. Psychonauts? Weird. Metalheads? Weird.
On the off chance that we are on the whole abnormal, for what reason does the world appear to be intended for similarity? For a century, our monetary, social, and political frameworks have been sorted out around the possibility of the mass market – a legendary perfect where typical individuals simply need ordinary things.
In any case, that mass-advertise the norm will before long be washed away by the ever-rising tide of the weird.
Figuring out how to ride that influx of weirdness is a fundamental aptitude for your business and individual life, and this rundown shows why. Loaded up with clever tales and wry perceptions about our changing social scene, this short and smart statement demonstrates that strangeness could – and should – be the new typical.
Chapter 1 – The mass market is blurring quickly, and the future is going to be weird.
A couple of years back, the Antwerp Zoo was in an emergency. When a significant fascination, the recreation center was confronting declining fame. Its zoological display could never again pull in the groups it once had. At that point its elephant got pregnant.
Wanting to produce a touch of buzz, the zoo hurled the creature’s sonogram on Youtube. It worked; the in-utero elephant was a hit, and across the nation news occasion. They continued onward, posting surveys and holding a naming challenge to keep the open locked in. An ever-increasing number of Belgians put resources into the child elephant. Participation rose. The Zoo was back in the spotlight.
What makes this example of overcoming adversity stick out? The way that it’s moderately uncommon. Nowadays, significant media occasions with mass intrigue simply don’t occur as much as they used to. Truth be told, the mass-showcase achievement is turning out to be as uncommon as an infant elephant.
The key message here is: the mass market is blurring quickly, and the future will be strange.
As per Godin, getting a handle on precisely what this change involves requires knowing a couple of key terms: mass, typical, abnormal, and rich.
In the first place, mass and typical. The creator utilizes these words to portray the old method for getting things done – the arrangement of enormous scale, undifferentiated generation that is our present business as usual. Inside this framework, producers and advertisers intend to proficiently address the issues of the majority, by taking into account what they consider as typical.
Typical is relative. Being a veggie-lover is ordinary in Mumbai, yet not all that typical in Kansas. In any case, when advertisers conclude something is ordinary, they endeavor to make it ethically directly also.
Interestingly, odd alludes to everybody who falls outside the ordinary masses. This doesn’t mean individuals with unprecedented physical highlights or minority characters. Rather, it implies those with attributes and characteristics that are bizarre by decision, that is, abnormal side interests or weirdo interests.
Having the assets to settle on those odd decisions is the thing that Godin calls being rich, which doesn’t constantly mean cash in the bank – however that surely makes a difference. It can likewise mean having leisure time or network support.
This leaves you with a choice to make: would you like to be on the ordinary masses, or utilize your wealth to make a jump into the odd? It is anything but a simple decision, however, Godin accepts the best approach to prevail in this fearless of-the-art existence is by being sufficiently strong to buck the state of affairs and grasp the odd. The following parts will clarify why.
Chapter 2 – The idea of normal was imagined to sell mass-market items.
Consider what’s inside your refrigerator. Reserved someplace among the containers of milk and the previous evening’s remains there is most likely a jug of Heinz ketchup. At any rate, this is valid for 70 percent of Americans.
All in all, how did your sauce utilization become so unsurprising? Accuse the rationale of large scale manufacturing. For a great part of the twentieth century, organizations were sorted out around one essential guideline: customization is expensive. Rather than taking into account singular tastes, the most productive approach to make cash was to market to the majority.
To sell mass-advertise items to a great many people, advertisers needed to initially make everybody’s wants the equivalent. They needed to develop typically. They pulled this off with the intensity of publicizing. With sharp advertisements, advertisers had the option to characterize the open’s wants and exclude any individual who didn’t accommodate.
Furthermore, it worked. We as a whole realize what ordinary methods. Ordinary individuals drive vehicles. Typical individuals drink Coke. Ordinary individuals purchase Heinz ketchup.
The key message here is: the idea of typical was designed to sell mass-showcase items.
All in all, would we say we are altogether bound to lead lives where utilization is directed by similarity? Not really. We can decide to be strange.
How about we think about two neighborhoods in Manhattan. In the first place, Midtown. Here on Fifth Avenue, we have significant retailers like Abercombie and Tiffany’s offering products to crowds of travelers. The items and individuals here are similar ones you could discover anyplace. This is “the majority.”
Be that as it may, head 50 squares toward the East Village, and it’s an alternate scene. Remain on a traffic intersection, and you’ll see New York in the entirety of its decent variety. Inked specialists hobnob with Chinese voyagers and resigned beat writers. An exemplary Italian bread kitchen sits beside a boutique selling hydroponic herbs. Nothing here is ordinary.
Given the alternative, which neighborhood would you pick? The strange one, isn’t that so?
Like you, an ever-increasing number of individuals are deciding on the odd – and it’s changing how individuals approach buying items, amusement, and different administrations. Thirty years prior, the three major TV systems were viewed by 90 percent of the populace. Presently, their viewership is down to 30 percent.
As more individuals get some distance from broad communications, the weird in the entirety of its assortments will just turn out to be increasingly well known. In the following part, we’ll realize what else is pushing this pattern.
Chapter 3 – Our developing riches and network make it simpler than at any other time to be weird.
We have consistently been weird – even seventeen thousand years back. You can see the proof today in the Chauvet caverns of southern France. Here, expand works of art embellish the natural hollow dividers. Indeed, even while living with scarcely any assets, early people despite everything wanted to express their abnormal side, and these compositions are evidence.
Nowadays, being odd is simpler than at any time in recent memory. Because of centuries of mechanical advancement, we’ve since a long time ago deserted the caverns for a universe of material riches. Developments like mechanical horticulture, power, and present-day medication mean a large portion of us never again need to stress over fundamental endurance.
Presently, we can commit a greater amount within recent memory and vitality to whatever interests us, regardless of whether that be novice cosmology or open-source programming. We are rich.
Over this, the web permits us to discover other people who share our inclinations. This allows us to create and extend our specialty fixations and occupations. Envision a maturing bagpipe player. In the days of yore, they could just serenade that inside earshot – and there’s no assurance they would value the exertion.
In any case, presently, that equivalent artist can present a video on YouTube and get positive input from other bagpipe devotees around the world.
The key message here is: our developing riches and availability make it simpler than any time in recent memory to be weird.
So I’m not catching this’ meaning for organizations, creatives, and different makers? For one, they never again need to agree to a one-size-fits-all way to deal with assembling and showcasing. As opposed to making an item that suits the necessities of the mass-advertise many, you would now be able to concentrate on conveying to a devoted not many.
Take the case of top of the line sound hardware. Your normal shopper isn’t worried enough about sound quality to dish out $1,000 for a yard of particular stereo links. In any case, the perusers of Stereophile magazine may. By promoting to sound obsessives through particular media and web discussions, the creators of this link can discover budgetary help for their particular art.
Trade isn’t the objective of being bizarre; it’s only an outcome. The genuine point is association. The rising tide of unusual permits individuals to develop a network around what they care about. It lets individuals split from the unsuitable universe of mass culture and discover their clan. The following part will unload exactly what we can anticipate from this increasingly divided world.
Chapter 4 – As the typical center continues dissolving, individuals will utilize their capacity to relate to their weird clans.
Allow’s a discussion of bread. A couple of decades back, on the off chance that you needed to purchase a portion, you needed to make do with plain, white Wonder Bread. Large scale manufacturing guaranteed it was modest, unsurprising, and loaded in stores all over the place. Presently, distinctive organizations like Bread Alone will furnish you with twelve alternatives: spelled, sunflower, without gluten sourdough – whatever suits your taste.
To comprehend this change, it’s useful to envision human conduct as a ringer bend diagram. For a given populace, that is typically a pleasant, even hill. Indeed, there are a few exceptions at the edges, yet a great many people fall in the enormous mound in the center.
That protuberance is “the typical,” the individuals purchasing Wonder Bread. However, as more individuals grasp “the peculiar” – that is, their strange wants and propensities – the bend changes. The center hill shrivels, and those edges develop.
This equivalent example is being rehashed over each industry. The ordinary masses who made up the center are scattering. What we think about a hit show, a show like Mad Men, draws in multiple times fewer watchers than The Beverly Hillbillies did during the 70s.
A top of the line book will just top the diagrams for half a month rather than a couple of months. As individuals rush to what interests them, “the mainstream” simply isn’t so famous any longer.
The key message here is: as the ordinary center continues dissolving, individuals will utilize their capacity to relate to their strange clans.
All in all, is smoothing the ringer bend something to be thankful for? Godin thinks so. An enhanced market implies increasingly decision, and when individuals have more options they have more force.
Consider a natural product merchant in a minor town outside Berelli, India. He doesn’t have heaps of money, however, with web access and three dollars, he can arrange a D-light sun based lamp. He’s presently a power in the worldwide commercial center, and his decisions impact what gets made straightaway.
What other places would weird be able to be acceptable? What about in the study hall. Perhaps the most grounded ways ordinary has been authorized is through institutionalized training. The present framework in the US rewards congruity: simply carry on and breeze through your assessments and you’ll graduate. Simple, isn’t that so?
Shockingly, with 4,000,000 understudies in the school, there is no typical understudy. It’s difficult to anticipate the equivalent of each student. Indeed, constraining understudies to surrender their strange ways could even be a weakness when they enter the activity showcase. Simply consider Yo-Yo Ma or Richard Branson – or anybody our general public respects the most. We generally love the individuals who think outside the box.
The educational system of things to come should leave space for understudies to locate their way, regardless of how odd. All things considered, we are on the whole bizarre, and that is something to be thankful for.
We Are All Weird: The Myth of Mass and The End of Compliance by Seth Godin Book Review
The possibility of normal is the creation of a former period when large scale manufacturing, broad communications, and the mass market focused on productivity by treating everybody the equivalent.
Presently, with expanded material riches and broad web get to, individuals are all the more allowed to practice singular decision – and they’re deciding to be unusual. To remain significant, everybody from advertisers to instructors should discover approaches to take into account this expanding independence.
You can’t phony it to make it.
As unusual quality keeps on gathering social cachet, numerous organizations will attempt to trade out. In any case, you can’t profess to be bizarre. Individuals can tell when an item is made by a mass advertiser attempting to pander to their clan, and they’ll generally dismiss it for the genuine article. The most ideal approach to profit on peculiar is to be weird.
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S4E1 PODCAST – Jeffrey Yun – CoderCorgi Coaching & Consulting
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Create, Ideas, Mind | Success in 50 Steps | Chapter 9-11 | Michael George Knight
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Chapter 9: Get creative
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.
—Danny Kaye
What is creativity? It is the use of imagination or original ideas to create something; inventiveness. Creativity is a phenomenon whereby something new and somehow valuable is formed, such as an idea, theory, invention, a literary work, or a painting. The word itself means ‘to create’. Here’s how you can start to develop your creative mind. Allow yourself to relax and think outside the box. Stimulate creativity by setting aside time to brainstorm, breaking up your routine, and seeking inspiration from people and places around you. Travel, meditation, and positive thinking can do wonders.
One of the best ways to open up your creativity is by mediation. By practicing mindful meditation, you can help relax, improve your awareness, and inspire self-reflection. With time and practice, meditation will help you open up your creative juices and make you become clear about what creative endeavours you should pursue.
Another way to strengthen and develop creativity within yourself is to change your daily routine to expand your thought process. Routine can be the enemy of creativity because it removes the need for quick thinking and new ideas. New stimuli will keep you on your toes and open up your mind creatively. Try to shake up your everyday life with a few small changes.
Other great ways to expand your creativity include the following:
- Positive thinking
- Going for walks outdoors to encourage creative thought
- Hanging out in different spots to expose yourself to new stimuli
- Trying new hobbies to expand your life experiences and gain new talents
- Getting up earlier in the morning to make the most of your time
- Surrounding yourself with other creative people to get inspired
- Reading as much as possible to discover new ideas and themes
- Travelling whenever you can to gain new experiences
- Listening to TED talks or other inspiring lectures
What can you create?
What do you love creating? What talents are you gifted with? Putting together your passions and talents, what is it that you and you alone can create to contribute positively to the world? Is it a book, a song, a business, a great family, a piece of art, a product, an experience, an environment, a life? What do you want to create? Make a short list of things you want to create in your life.
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Remember
- Stimulate creativity by setting aside time to brainstorm and meditate.
- Being alone is the secret to creativity and great ideas.
- You can create something to contribute positively to the world.
- Creativity is finding answers to present challenges.
- Humans are at the top of the food chain because we can create.
Chapter 10: Come up with ideas
Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.
—Oliver Wendell Holmes
What is an idea? An idea is a thought that is generated in the mind. An idea can be generated with intent but can also be created unintentionally, hence the saying ‘The idea just popped in my mind’. Ideas are a form of magic, an invisible mysterious thought that comes out of nowhere that has the potential to make itself visible through the application of action. Most actions precede thoughts, and most thoughts precede an idea first generated by the mind: your invisible factory that creates your reality.
Ideas come out of the blue anytime and anywhere. The problem is that 99% of the ideas you have don’t make it out of your head. To overcome this, I recommend you use your note taking app on your phone to capture the ideas that come to you, and then convert these notes into your daily journal. By starting this new habit of idea capturing, you will be surprised by how many ideas come to you that if acted upon would change your life for the better. Build an idea list in your journal so you add all ideas that come to you, then later on you can take the time to study the list and see what is worth acting upon and what isn’t. With the passing of time, looking back at your old ideas with present-day knowledge, you will clearly see which ideas were good and not so good.
Ideas to goals
Once you have established the new habit of idea capturing and using a journal to make your idea list, it’s time to see what ideas you should pursue. Only a small percentage of the ideas on your list will be worth pursuing further with time and action. Weigh the ideas and thoroughly think about which ideas you would like to manifest and turn them into goals. All goals are thoughts first, and ideas are just thoughts passing by in the mind. It’s the ideas that you capture, keep, nurture, nourish, and take action on that really count. I can tell you from experience that only a handful of the hundreds of ideas I have had over time have really counted because of the time, energy, and action I have put into them. You only have a set amount of time and energy you can dedicate to ideas, so you better take the time to decide which ideas you want to turn into goals and manifest into reality.
Imagine if . . .
Imagine if all your ideas came true in your life. What would you think of? What would you dream of? What would you do? Whom would you be? What would you see? Imagine if all you wanted came true in your life. The reason I ask you these questions is to get your imagination working. Your mind is a muscle that pumps out ideas when in use. Building the muscle requires work, repetition, and time just like most things in life. The same goes for the idea factory you own between your ears, the mind. Learn to stimulate and feed the mind to generate new ideas and new thoughts. Start using your imagination to create the future you dream about, and imagine yourself living the life you desire. Let your imagination run wild and imagine if . . .
Nothing in this world is so powerful as an idea whose time has come.
—Victor Hugo
Remember
- Get your ideas out of your head so you can analyse their worth later.
- Establish the habit of idea capturing using a journal and see what ideas you should pursue.
- Only by action do ideas become real.
- It’s the ideas that you capture, keep, nurture, nourish, and take action on that really count.
- All the best things first start out as ideas.
- Ideas only become worth something when the market gives you money for their value.
Chapter 11: Use your mind
It is the mind that maketh good or ill, that maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor.
—Edmund Spenser
The mind is the seat of consciousness, the essence of your being. A formless continuum that functions to perceive the world, to think, and to feel. This nonphysical wonder we call the mind is the greatest tool we possess in our human toolbox. It can be used to create or to destroy. To love or hurt. To uplift or put down. It can be peaceful or vengeful. A tool for positivity or negativity. A magical invisible tool that is held by everyone and is activated by choice and free will. Your mind is an awesome quantum computer, and you are the programmer. You can program your mind, or your mind can program you. You can direct your thoughts or have your thoughts direct you. You can master your mind or have your mind master you. It’s all up to you.
Software and hardware
You cannot change the size of your brain (hardware) but you can change the software (mind). Changing your mind, pun intended, is the one thing you can do by changing the software you install. We all have very similar brains as a species, but what makes us different individually is the software we have downloaded into our minds and how we are wired. The experiences you have had have formed your current way of thinking and understanding, and your future experiences will form your future thoughts and understanding. It’s all binary and math, input equals output. After a certain age, you are in charge of recoding and updating your software. Don’t let other people program you – program yourself.
Rule your mind or it will rule you.
—Horace
Feed your mind
If you don’t plant flowers in the garden of the mind, then you’ll forever be pulling weeds.
—John Demartini
You have the power to program your mind with the information you consume. Initially, the quality of output (action) is largely determined by the quality of input (information) we take into our mind. If you are not deliberately programming positive information into your mind, I can bet you are being fed a mental diet of negativity. If you can start to control and program your mind, your chances of manifesting your dreams and achieving success are just a matter of time.
Feed your mind constantly with the best information just like an athlete would consume the best nutrition for their body; you want to consume the best information for your mind. Garbage in, garbage out; quality in, quality out. Read the best books on the planet. Listen to the most successful and motivational people in the world. Listen to the best audiobooks and follow the best podcast shows. Follow the best YouTube channels and learn from people more educated on subjects than you. Attend the best seminars and workshops to develop your mind, and network with people who will take you to the next level.
Your mind is a dry sponge, always ready to soak up anything you give it. The mind will produce whatever ingredients you pour into it. Feed it with the best, and you will become the best version of yourself. Feed it with the average, and you will become an average version of yourself. It’s all on you to determine what you feed yourself mentally. If you take great care of your mind, your mind will take great care of you, and you will be rewarded with peace of mind – the ultimate prize.
A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.
Recap so far
To recap the previous chapters, I want you to be clear about what we have covered and what we will be covering in the upcoming chapters. We started the journey of success in 50 steps by taking the first step, realising your dreams, uncovering your passions, and making a list of your desires. We found your purpose and turned your dreams, passions, and desires into meaningful goals. We then mapped out your goals with the power of planning and time. We explored knowledge and how creativity and ideas shape our lives, as well as explored the power of the mind.
In the upcoming chapters, we take a look at thoughts and the power of faith. Understand how we are shaped by the beliefs we hold and our attitude about life itself. We learn the secrets of gratitude and giving, living in a state of abundance and prosperity. Then understand the secret law of attraction – how to manifest your dreams into reality through action.
Remember
- The mind is the greatest tool we possess in our human toolbox.
- Your mind is an awesome quantum computer, and you are the programmer.
- You can program your mind, or your mind can program you.
- Change your mind by changing the software you install.
- Feed your mind constantly with the best information just like an athlete would consume the best nutrition for their body.
- Your mind will produce whatever ingredients you pour into it.
Gather Knowledge | Success in 50 Steps | Chapter 8 | Michael George Knight
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Chapter 8: Gather knowledge
Employ your time in improving yourself by other men’s writings so that you shall gain easily what others have laboured hard for.
—Socrates
Knowledge is defined as facts, information, and skills acquired through experience or education – the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject. What makes us all unique is our differences in knowledge, skills, and experience. From the day we are born, we start to acquire skills, experience, and knowledge. We learn fast throughout our early years of growth, acquiring and applying knowledge to further our understanding of the world around us. We reach a point of plateau after we finish our schooling years and settle into jobs with a comfortable know-how and then stop acquiring knowledge and skills.
This is the point in life where we think we know all that we need to know to live and sustain a mediocre life. We fall into habits and routines that don’t include self-education because we either hated our schooling years or never found a passion to pursue as we gained knowledge. We are taught the basics at school on how to get a job and live but not the importance of lifelong learning and the positive effects of self-education.
We live in a world now where we can access, at a click of a button, any answer to any question we can think of. We have access to all the books, all the videos, all the educators, coaches and teachers out there. We are drowning in information and thirsty for knowledge and wisdom. We live in the richest time that has ever existed with regard to drinking from the cup of wisdom but often fail to take a sip. If you want to change your life for the better, cultivate this one habit of ‘thirsting for knowledge’, and your life will improve by the multitude.
It’s what is in your head that determines what is in your hands.
—Robert Kiyosaki
How to learn effectively
It is evident that times have changed for the better in terms of how we learn. Go back 100 years and understand that most knowledge was gained through the basic schooling system and no more. Fast-forward to today and understand we have the most impressive thing society has built – the World Wide Web, an intangible massive storehouse of endless information and knowledge we have access to through amazing technologies such as computers and our smartphones. You can learn about anything, anytime, and anywhere. You can watch a video, listen to an audiobook, read an e-book, take an online course, follow a YouTube channel, subscribe to websites, and Google anything you wish. Our lives are so much easier than those of our ancestors, and it’s time to take learning as a serious study in your life.
Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.
—Jim Rohn
Your goal is someone else’s lifestyle
Who is living the life you want? Whom do you look up to? Whom do you want to be like? What do you need to learn? Answer these questions and understand you can study the people who have done what you want to do and reverse-engineer the steps they took to get there. You can study their life and learn the knowledge they acquired and shared. You can dramatically change your life for the better and be the person you want to be by first acquiring the correct knowledge to get you there. You can learn whatever interests you and become an expert in any field you are passionate about. Your opportunities are endless in the pursuit of knowledge.
Study, listen, learn, think, absorb, act, and repeat. Make the best investment in life, and invest in knowledge. Pursuing knowledge in the attainment of your dreams is the sure-fire way to reach them. Learning and acting, acting and learning, rinse and repeat, always getting better and climbing the ladder to your success through making progress and getting feedback. Becoming wiser and better with more knowledge and experience.
If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
—Benjamin Franklin
Remember
- What makes us all unique is our differences in knowledge, skills, and experience.
- If you want to change your life for the better, cultivate this one habit of ‘thirsting for knowledge’.
- Our lives are so much easier than those of our ancestors, and it’s time to take learning as a serious study in your life.
- Make the best investment in life and invest in knowledge.
- Let knowledge move you into action.
- Learn from the people who are where you want to be and reverse-engineer the steps they took.
Business @ the Speed of Thought | Bill Gates | Summary
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Business @ the Speed of Thought: Using a Digital Nervous System by Bill Gates
The digital nervous system
The main concept Gates talks about in this book is the flow of information and how it is the Lifeblood of an organization.
Like a living creature, an organization works best if it can rely on a nervous system that sends information immediately to the parts that need it. A digital nervous system can unite all of an organization’s systems and processes, releasing rivers of information and allowing businesses to make huge leaps in efficiency, growth, and profits. I have a simple but strong belief: how you gather, manage, and use information will decide whether you win or lose.
Bill Gates
This concept still is relevant today, even though information is much wider available in 2023 than in back in 1999. Information sharing wasn’t really something of priority. For instance, upper management might not be transparent on all issues for fear employees might gain too much power.
That’s one problem still persisting today. The paper process hell problem from 1999 is much less relevant nowadays, but still, many organizations back up all their digital stuff on paper.
See if you have the information to answer these questions:
- What do customers think about your products? What problems do they want you to fix? What new features do they want you to add?
- What problems do your partners have as they sell your products or work with you?
- Where are your competitors winning business from you, and why?
- Will customers’ changing demands force you to develop new capacities?
- What new markets are appearing that you should enter?
A digital nervous system won’t guarantee you the right answers to these questions. But it will free you from the old paper processes so that you’ll have the time to think about the questions. It will give you the data to start thinking immediately, and to see the trends coming at you. A digital nervous system will make it possible for facts and ideas to quickly surface from deep in your organization, from the people who have information about these questions and, it’s likely, many of the answers. Most important, it will allow you to do all these things fast.
The first step in answering any hard business question is to look at the facts. It’s easier to say this than to do it. The principle is illustrated in my favorite business book, My Years with General Motors, by Alfred P. Sloan Jr. If you only read one business book, read Sloan’s (but don’t put this one down to do it). Extraordinary success can follow from positive leadership that’s based on information and reason.
To manage with the force of facts – one of Sloan’s business principles – requires information technology.
Companies should spend less time protecting financial data from employees and more time teaching them to analyze and act on it.
A final sign of a good digital nervous system is how effective your face-to-face meetings are. Good meetings are the result of good preparation. Meetings shouldn’t be used mainly to present information. It’s more efficient to use e-mail so that people can analyze data before the meeting. Then they will be prepared to make suggestions and debate the issues at the meeting itself.
Too often important customer and sales information is pulled together only when a consultant arrives. You should have that information there every day ready to be used by your employees.
To begin creating a digital nervous system, you should first develop an ideal picture of the information you need to run your business and to understand your markets and your competitors. Think hard about the facts you need to know. Develop a list of the most important questions for your business. Then demand that your information systems provide the answers.
Information Systems free people from the boring work
Scared that automation will take away some jobs? You shouldn’t because it’s boring and repetitive work which is going to be automated. In general, people will just move to a more interesting position, one where they supervise and do more cognitive, more interesting work. Of course, some people will still lose their jobs. But I think the net impact of AI will be positive. Here is a good rule of thumb for building automation tools from Bill.
Our internal tools have two goals: to use software to handle routine tasks, so that our knowledge workers don’t waste time and energy; and to free people to do more difficult work and handle unusual situations. Our internal developers use the “sort-boiled egg” rule: A user must be able to get into and out of most administrative tools within three minutes.
Bill Gates
It’s easy to measure when you make your factory workers more efficient. It’s hard to measure when you make your knowledge workers more effective, but it makes sense that workers who aren’t burdened by routine tasks will do better work.
More time to do customer service
Customer service will become the primary way of adding value in every business. Human involvement in service will shift from routine, low-value tasks to high-value personal service to the customer.
A great example of more and better customer service thanks to information systems is Merrill Lynch. The company dedicated a billion dollars to build an information system for their knowledge workers.
Since the changes in the system at Merrill Lynch, financial consultants have more time to build stronger relationships with clients. Merrill Lynch then decided that giving more information to clients would make the relationship with them stronger, not weaker.
It gives the client information, but financial information is not financial knowledge. That is still provided by the financial consultants, who now have more time to concentrate on it. And they provide it to well-informed clients, who ask better questions than badly-informed clients.
“The Internet doesn’t replace people. It makes them more efficient,”
Using software to handle routine data tasks gives you the opportunity to provide the human touch where it really matters. There’s a dramatic difference between getting a note that was clearly written by a person rather than a computer. It’s enormously valuable to have a person working with any customer who is unhappy about something really important, or who has special needs. In a hotel, for instance, smart software can dramatically shorten the check-in and check-out time. Staff can then help customers rather than filling in forms, and guests will enjoy their stays more as a result.
The Internet as a gateway to new technology
Bill explained with a brilliant example, the impact of the internet. Back then only about 50% of the US population was using the internet on a regular basis. You could have asked the valid question, “Do you have Internet?” But would you’ve asked someone if they have electricity in their home, you’d get a weird look.
People in developed countries don’t think much about their electrical products; we just use them. But people who are now in their fifties can remember when just a few families had TVs. Our grandparents can remember when much of rural America was without electricity. It’s taken more than a hundred years for the electricity lifestyle to revolutionize civilization.
When streets and houses were first wired, the only use for electricity was for lighting. Electricity’s capacity to change everyone’s lifestyle was hidden. Electric light was cleaner, safer, brighter, and more convenient than natural gas, oil, or candles. When the infrastructure was in place, though, new products were created that took advantage of electricity. Electric refrigerators, record players, and air conditioners applied the new technology to existing needs. The most revolutionary uses of electricity were the phone, the radio, and the TV. These new machines changed our economies and our lifestyles. People hadn’t dreamed of these products before the infrastructure was available.
Bill names a dozen of future use cases of the internet, most of which already happened just as he predicted. The internet and other newer technology will enable many use cases we can’t even imagine yet, just as the electrical grid did back in the earlier 1900s. One example in particular I want to share because Bill predicted smart home automation there, something with which I work lately.
Your digital companion is smart enough to speak to all the machines that need to know your home or work schedule, but only tells the kitchenThese machines will become part of ordinary life. When you leave the office for the day, your personal digital companion will download your e-mail, which might include a grocery list from your husband or wife. At the store, you can download a new recipe, and all of the items for the meal will be added to your list. Your digital companion is smart enough to speak to all the machines that need to know your home or work schedule, but only tells the kitchen machines about the recipe. From a computer in the kitchen, you check the house. A video of the front door area shows who called when no one was home. machines about the recipe.
The Internet’s role in education
Programs like this have spread to schools all over the world. The effects have been impressive. A recent report shows that students who regularly use computers gain many skills. They write more often and better; they have better analysis skills; they express themselves more creatively; they work more independently, and they are better at problem solving and critical thinking.
PCs can help change the learning experience from the traditional approach – a teacher talking at the front of a classroom, with reading tasks – to a more hands-on approach that takes advantage of the natural curiosity of students of all ages. PCs enable students to explore information at their own speed, to learn from sound and pictures as well as from text, to do experiments, and to work together with other students.
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What to Say When You Talk to Your Self | Shad Helmstetter | Summary
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WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU TALK TO YOURSELF by Shad Helmstetter
We talk to ourselves all of the time, usually without realizing it. And most of what we tell ourselves is negative, counterproductive, and damaging, preventing us from enjoying a fulfilled and successful life. But with Shad Helmsetter’s Five Levels of Self-Talk (Negative Acceptance, Recognition and Need to Change, Decision to Change, The Better You, and Universal Affirmation), you can take back control of your life via this accessible yet profound technique.
. . .
- The quality of our lives depends on the quality of our programming, that is, how we talk to ourselves.
- “The brain simply believes what you tell it “most. And what you tell it about you, it will create. It has no choice.”
- Helmstetter tells us that there are 5 levels of self talk; most of us operate on level 1, which is the most damaging.
- Re-framing self talk: “I just can’t seem to get anything done today!” to… “I am organized and complete my work on time!”
- When you talk to yourself, a single positive phrase won’t result in an overnight miracle; instead, use self talk scripts which address all the major subject areas of a problem. [Insight #3]
- Adjust your attitude; one can change how they feel about anything by merely adjusting the way they think about that particular thing.
- ‘Programming creates beliefs, beliefs create attitudes, attitudes create feelings, feelings determine actions and actions create results.’
- “How we react to those things in life which we can do nothing about will always be the truest test of our own self-control, our own individual sense of self, and our ability to manage our minds.”
- “Mastering your future starts by managing yourself.”
Shad Helmstetter
“What To Say When You Talk To Yourself”
KEY INSIGHTS
. . .
INSIGHT #1 The Five Levels Of Self-Talk
“Self talk is a specific set of concisely worded directions –usually a group of dozen or more combined phrases. They link together on the same subject, which jointly paints a detailed picture of the better you which you would like to become or the change in your life you would like to create.”
On any given day, each of us engages in self talk on any of the five different levels, says Helmstetter. Some of the levels work for us, whilst others work against us.
He outlines five distinct levels of self talk:
Level 1: “Negative Acceptance.”
This is the lowest level of self talk and is the most damaging. According to the author, most of our self talk occurs at this level.
Examples:
“I can’t seem to get anything right!”
“I just can’t!”
“Today just isn’t my day!”
“…was right, I’m useless!”
Level 2: “Recognition and the Need to Change.”
The self talk at this level may appear that it is good but in reality, it is actually working against us.
Here are a few examples:
“I really should get to work on time.”
“I need to lose some weight badly!”
“I’ve got to do something about this!”
Helmstetter points out that the reason why these phrases work against us is because they provide problems without solutions. When we say things such as “I really need to be more organized,” what we are really saying is “I really need to be more organized… but I’m not!”
Level 3: “Decision to Change.”
This is the level where self-talk shifts and is aimed towards working for your benefit rather than working against you.
Examples of level 3 self-talk:
“I no longer have a problem dealing with people at work.”
“I don’t eat more than I should.”
“I never get upset in traffic.”
Helmstetter writes: “when you move to Level III, you are automatically beginning to rephrase old negative ‘cannots.’ That is, you are putting them behind you, and stating them in a positive new way. This tells your subconscious mind to wake up, get moving, and make the change.”
Level 4: “A Better You.”
This is the most effective level of self-talk, says Helmstetter. Level 4 self talk is crucial, but we tend to use it the least. Self talk at this level inspires, encourages and implores the individual.
Examples of statements on this level are:
“I am organized and get things done”
“I have determination, drive and self belief.”
“I am a winner, I believe in myself!”
Level 5: “Universal Affirmation.”
According to Helmstetter, Level 5 self talk is to do with ‘oneness’ and divinity with the universe. Words at this level are meaningful and engaging, such as… “I am one with the universe, and it is one with me.”
He also adds: “This is the self talk for seekers, still living amongst mankind, but anxious to find a greater reward.”
INSIGHT #2 Methods For Applying Self-Talk.
Silent Self Speak
This is what you think about yourself and everything around you. Silent self talk happens both consciously and on an unconscious level. The idea is to listen to all the negative things you say to yourself and then to re-frame them.
Consider this phrase: “ I can’t seem to get anything done today!”
Reframe it to: “I am organized and complete my work on time.”
What you say when you are speaking paints an important part of the pictures and commands that you send to your subconscious.
Helmstetter advises only on using words that align with who you want to become and not saying phrases that might be counterproductive.
Self Conversation
This involves talking to yourself loudly as if you were having a dialogue with yourself whilst holding down both ends of the conversation.
Before attempting this method, the author cautions that you go somewhere private. That is unless you want your most trusted family members or friends to think you’ve gone loony!
Self Write
The idea here is to write down your self-talk. This involves noting the ten most significant self talk suggestions that you are giving to yourself most often. This helps with identifying the negative Level I and II self-talk within you. It’s to do with phrases starting with, “I can’t…” or “nothing seems to go right,” or “it’s just not my day.” Once you have written them down, reframe them into more positive and empowering statements.
Tape Talk
The idea here is to record ‘new programming’ statements and listen to it once or twice in the day via cassette or CD player. The benefit here is that one can listen to the tapes even whilst they are busy doing other chores.
INSIGHT #3 Situational Self Talk
“…how we react to those things in life which we can do nothing about will always be the truest test of our own self-control, our own individual sense of self, and our ability to manage our minds…”
The primary goal of Situational Self-Talk says Helmstetter, is to “adjust situations by adjusting how we look at them.”
Here’s a list of everyday situations collected from the book, which demonstrates how you can shift your perspective about situations through self talk.
- Situation: When standing in a long queue…
Self Talk: “I don’t mind standing in line. That’s where I am and I’m doing what I need to do. Standing in line doesn’t bother me –and I really like getting things done.” - Amidst bad weather…
Self Talk: “It’s raining today and that’s fine with me. I’m going to have a good day and a little rain can’t stop me.”
iii. An incoming call from an irate customer…
Self Talk: “I like solving problems. I always deal with problems and I never avoid them. I’ll take the call and I’ll tackle the problem head on.”
- Whilst Driving…
Self Talk: “I enjoy relaxing while I am driving in the car. I always give myself the necessary amount of time to get anywhere I am going. I always arrive at -or before -the time I need to be there.”
INSIGHT #4 Self Talk Script
In chapter 14 of What to Say When You Talk To Yourself, Shad Helmstetter provides a self talk script on ‘taking responsibility.’ For the scripts to be effective, he suggests reading them multiple times daily.
“I take full responsibility for everything about me- even the thoughts that I think. I am in control of the vast resources of my own mind.”
“I alone am responsible for what I do and what I tell myself about me. No one can share this responsibility with me.”
“I also allow others to accept their responsibilities for themselves and I do not try to accept their responsibilities for them.”
“I enjoy being responsible. It puts me in charge of being me –and that’s a challenge I enjoy.”
“I allow no one else, at any time, to assume control or responsibility over my life or over anything that I do. My responsibility to others is an extension of my own responsibility to myself.”
“I choose to leave nothing about me up to chance. When it comes to me –and anything in my life –I choose to CHOOSE!”
“My choices are mine alone to make for myself. I do not, at any time, allow anyone else to make my choices for me. An I accept full responsibility for every choice and decision I make.”
“I always meet all of the obligations which I accept. And I accept no obligations which I will not meet.”
“I am trustworthy. I can be counted on. I have accepted winning responsibility for myself –and I always live up to the responsibilities I accept.”
“There is no they on whom I lay blame, or with whom I share my own responsibilities. I have learned the great secret of mastering my own destiny. I have learned that “they” is “me!” ”
“I have no need to make excuses and no one needs to carry my responsibility for me. I gladly carry my own weight- and carry it well.
Each day I acknowledge and accept the responsibility not only for my own actions –but also for my emotions, my thoughts, and my attitudes.”
“I accept the responsibility for living my life in a way which creates y strengths, my happiness, my positive, healthy beliefs, and for my past, my present, and my future.”
The Truth | An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships | Neil Strauss | Summary
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The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships
In The Truth, Neil Strauss takes on his greatest challenge yet: Relationships. And in this wild and highly entertaining ride, he explores the question that men and women are asking themselves every day:
- Is it natural to be faithful to one person for life?
- Do alternatives to monogamy lead to better relationships and greater happiness?
- What draws us to the partners we choose?
- Can we keep passion and romance from fading over time?
His quest for answers take him from Viagra-laden free-love orgies to sex addiction clinics, from cutting-edge science labs to modern-day harems, and, most terrifying of all, to his own mother.
What he discovered changed everything he knew about love, sex, relationships, and, ultimately, himself.
Searingly honest and compulsively readable, The Truth just may have the same effect on you.
If The Game taught you how to meet members of the opposite sex, The Truth will teach you how to keep them.
Key notes:
He checks himself into rehab for sex addiction. But he can tell the workers don’t like his questions because they expose the flaws in their system
The nurse attendant said if you’re look at porn or masturbating, you’re a sex addict. He new that he had a healthy relationship with a healthy person, but admitted that he was the thing wrong with the relationship
Lying is about controlling by someone else’s reality hoping that what they don’t know won’t hurt you
People are what matter, not things
He wanted to get ahead of his addiction so that it doesn’t destroy his family down the line
Guilt is about breaking the rules. Shame is about being broken
Weeks earlier, they went to couples therapy and Neil admitted that he doesn’t know for sure if he can resist temptations yet. This is why he wants to go to rehab so he can get rid of this problem. They embrace and cry tears of sadness, relief, and hope
If you work hard enough at almost any behavior, it can be changed in 3 to 5 years. Another term for recovery is behavior modification
To survive painful beliefs and feelings, we often mask them with anger. That way we don’t have to feel the shame behind it
The payoff of anger in response to when you feel ashamed is mastery, control, or power. So the anger makes you feel better or “one-up”
When you use sex to restore power or feel better about yourself in a similar way, this is what’s known as eroticized rage
Some studies show that testosterone might have something to do with sex urges. Why gay men tend to have more casual sex, and women with testosterone treatment have more sex drive
He remembers his mom complaining to him in the middle of the night about his father and how he makes her so miserable
His mother was very strict and controlling growing up. It made him hate arbitrary rules he had to put up with
The big secret was that his father had a weird fetish for amputees and cripples, and his mom hated his dad because she felt like a prize for his fetish
She told Neil not to tell anyone nor his dad that they knew about it
The therapist Joan came to the conclusion that in addiction this fathers sex addiction, his mom wanted to be in a relationship with him. Which was why she was more strict and harsh with him than his brother
That’s why he was never able to have a healthy relationship with women, and why there was a double standard between him and his brother
It wasn’t on purpose, but her actions proved she wanted him for herself
Joan calls this relationship dynamic “emotional incest“
Ingrid’s father cheated on her mother with several women and was still with his supposed ex-wife having more children and leading a double life. He then almost killed her mom during an argument
A lot of times, people think it’s just one person in a family that causes all the trouble
In reality, a family is a system, and a sick person is a product of a sick system
He thought that for his mom, sex and affairs were okay for Neil, but a real girlfriend would be competition
If you felt feeling sorry for or smothered by a parent, this is a sign enmeshment likely occurred. They lose their sense of self and avoid letting anyone get too close or let the lift get sucked out of them again
The abandoned can’t contain their feelings, while the enmeshed can be perfectionistic and controlling of themselves and others
In a relationship, they put up walls and use distancing techniques to avoid intimacy
Aka avoidant attachment or love avoidance
Most sex addicts are love avoidants
Ingrid admits that she was in rehab for 2 years in the past
He remembers during the end of high school that 2 girls from his school asked him to come over and have a threesome, but he was grounded and didn’t want to rebel and leave home
In this case, a pattern occurs: The avoidant gives and gives, sacrificing his own needs. But it is never enough for the love addict
So the avoidant grows resentful and seeks an outlet outside of the relationship, but at the same time feels too guilty to stop taking care of the needy person
This outlet can take the form of an affair, but it can also be excessive exercising, or work, or drugs, or living on the edge, or anything high-risk
He will also compartmentalize it because the secrecy helps kick that intensity up a notch
In the meantime, as the avoidant wall keeps getting higher, the love addict uses denial to hold onto the fantasy and start accepting unacceptable behavior
A healthy relationship is when two individuated adults decide to have a relationship and that becomes a third entity They nurture the relationship, and the relationship nurtures them
But they are not overly dependent or independent, they are interdependent, which means they take care of the majority of their needs and wants on their own, but when they can’t, they’re not afraid to ask their partner for help
Key idea: only when our love for someone exceeds our need for them, do we have a shot at a genuine relationship together
Neil questions this paradigm that intimacy is the ideal and holy Grail for someone, especially in a relationship. He questions whether the intensity and highs are more worth it then this prized thing called intimacy
As he does the exercise with Lorraine regarding giving the shame back to his parents, he hears his group of sex addicts cry in support of him
He realized that his mom feels on the outside what his dad feels on the inside
He recognized that his parents did belong with each other
He felt a release of lightness after discovering the truth that his blackness was not him, but his parents
All his anxiety and guilt and fear peeled away as if they were layers of clothing he didn’t know he was wearing
He thought it was a part of his skin the whole time, but turns out it was someone else’s
Real intelligence is when your mind and heart connect. That’s when you see the truth so clearly and unmistakably that you don’t have to think about it
Pets are the gateway drug to children
As a general rule, when a woman over 25 gets a dog it means she’s ready to start a family
The brain scan doctor tells him he has a bunch more diseases and things wrong with him
He says you are as faithful as you decide to be if your brain is healthy
If your brain is not healthy, then you are as faithful as your options
He realized that his self-destructive impulses he’s had lately is not actually about wanting to hurt himself. It’s about freedom. It’s about not wanting to live under constant scrutiny, to be responsible for her feelings, to feel guilty if he happens to have a sexual thought that’s not about her. To feel like his every word or expression is a red-hot brand that may scare her
Perhaps relationships are like heart surgery, even the smallest mistake can be fatal
There are three primary brain systems for meaning:
Sex
Romantic love
Deep attachment
After the initial intensity of a new relationship, our romance and sex drives often swing towards other people, while our attachment drive remains connected to our primary partner
This natural ebbing of romance can be prevented, she says
The solution is for couples to do novel and exciting things together to release dopamine and get the romance rush
Make love regularly to release oxytocin and sexually bond
Cut themselves off from cheating opportunities, and in general, make sure their partners are continually thrilling enough to keep all three drives humming
A lot of research is telling him that monogamy for humans is not normal
A historian on marriage tells him that the tradition of marriage was never even supposed to be about intimacy
For the majority of its history, marriage was an economic and political institution, mostly about merging resources, forming alliances, or creating a bloodline for inheritance
Not until the late 18th century did people marry for love, and not until the late 20th century for it to start becoming an intimate partnership rather than a patriarchal institution
Today, love and relationships has become a build-your-own model
He was “free” when he and Ingrid broke up
He feels fine with the fatherhood and the responsibility, it’s the exclusivity of a monogamous relationship he has issues with
Loneliness is holding in a joke because you have no one to share with
For most men, what’s tougher than breaking up is the moment when their ex finally falls out of love with him and let’s go
Neil makes the argument to a couple he knows over dinner that a woman’s emotional needs get met not only from her husband but from other sources like friends and family
However, a man’s sexual needs can only be met through his wife which isn’t fair and it doesn’t make sense
Most women think there is a quantity of time you have to wait before putting out. This is not the case
It is more about the quality of the connection
In life, whoever has the strongest reality wins
Lose your moral certainty and lose the ground you stand on
He was able to begin to form his polygamy family with Veronica and Anne
Lesson: The quickest route to poly-harmony and life among the rest of the walking wounded is truth and understanding
Perhaps the secret of fidelity is knowing the grass is crazier on the other side Sexual experimentation is fun until you’re with someone you have feelings for
Caring, understanding, and trust need to be established first
Impatience is the enemy of intimacy
In the dance of infatuation, we see others not as they are but as a projection of who we want them to be
And we impose on them all the imaginary criteria we think will fill the void in our hearts
But in the end, this strategy leads only to suffering. It’s not a relationship when the other person is left completely out of it
In father Yode’s polygamy, each woman was already bonded communally
They were all “primary” in their respective roles
The problem that many people have is that the exact quality that originally attracted them to their partner becomes a threat once a serious relationships begins
But freedom doesn’t taste quite as sweet without security
He’s second guessing whether a truly open relationship like he has with Sage is really what he wants
Mating in Captivity book says the way to keep romance and sex hot in a relationship is through separation, unpredictability, and fear of loss
After he found out Sage had cheated on him in their open relationship, he realized he had gotten what he deserved: someone just like him
She wanted the security if the relationship without the responsibility
If the male game is getting sex, the female game is withholding it
The only relationship he hasn’t tried was the one with himself
It takes humility to change
Good parenting will promote better oxytocin and vasopressin systems in the long run
These are linked with more closely bonding individuals when it comes to romantic relationships
Lorraine told him he had to cut off all communication with any sexual or potentially sexual relationships by changing his contact info
Love is something about a person, some connection with them that makes you willing to change
He realized that he needed to treat monogamy as a choice, not something he’s forced to do
The inner child isn’t just a metaphor, it’s real. It is our past
The only way to escape the past is to embrace it
There are plans, and then there is Life
Life trumps plans every time
They say that love is blind, but it’s trauma that is blind. Love sees what is
Love is not an accident. It is a delicate union of two complex, complementary puzzle pieces that have inadvertently been created by different manufacturers
Love isn’t something we’ve learned, it is something we have and we must unlearn in order to access it
Recovery is not about perpetually living in joy and harmony, but about shortening the time it takes to return there when you inevitably fuck it up
Love is not about finding the right person, it is about becoming the right person
It turns out that relationships don’t require sacrifices. They just require growing up and the ability to stop clinging to immature and needs that are so tenacious they keep the mature needs from getting met
Before his recovery, he always wanted more of everything. Now, he feels like he has enough with just her
He developed a relationship he been looking for the whole time: a relationship without fear
The opposite of fear is not joy, but acceptance
The best thing we can do for our relationship with others is to render our relationship to ourselves more conscious
The greatest gift to others is our own best selves
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