Using your brain for a change by Richard Bandler | Book Summary
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Using your brain for a change: Understanding Neuro Linguistic Programming
by Richard Bandler
This book is a compilation of different NLP seminars given by one of its co-creators Richard Bandler. He introduces this guide to using the brain and offers readers the opportunity to take (back) control in order to make use of its immense capacities. You can learn how to overcome a phobia, change beliefs, reconsider your memories or develop your learning capacities… The possibilities are endless. It is all about knowing in what direction you want to go. Using your brain for a change offers a clear approach to techniques that are easy to put into place. They are illustrated by a number of concrete cases.
Part 1. Who’s driving the bus?
The little known capacities of the brain
The brain is like a machine that has no off button. If we don’t give it something to do, it will start to do something, it doesn’t matter what. For example, such as waking you up in the middle of the night after reliving a particularly unpleasant experience. Neuro-linguistic programming is the way to take back control of operations, to choose on what and how the brain is going to use its capacities. While many psychologists use it in therapy, it is more appropriate to say that it is an educational process.
If you come home disappointed from your holidays, then your brain must have prepared a very detailed and realistic idea of the holiday you were going to have before you even left home. This extraordinary ability is used to provide a result that you could easily have done without. Most human beings slaves to their brain. It is like being chained to the back seat of the bus, while someone else drives it. With mental exercises based on the subjectivity of each experience, NLP allows you to take back control by playing with your brain and giving it specific and functional orders.
How does the brain work?
Human learning never stops. A phobia shows us that the brain learns too fast and too well. If a person with a phobia sees a spider, they will never say: “Oh, I forgot to be scared”. It only needs to happen once for the lesson to be learned and last a lifetime. Aren’t there things that you would like to learn just as well? Phobias are a marvellous example of learning.
The anchoring process When you meet someone who becomes important to you while listening to a particular piece of music, then every time you hear that music, you will think of that person and remember the emotions you felt at the time. In couple’s therapy, a woman complained about her husband and the therapist said: “Look at him. When you say that, you should maintain eye contact”. So, all the negative feelings became related to the sight of her husband’s face. Every time she looked at him, she felt negative feelings.
The brain works like a computer. When you give instructions to a computer, it has to be organised precisely so that the information can be processed and the computer can perform the task. The brain works in the same way. It does exactly what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do. Then you get cross with it because it doesn’t do what you meant to tell it to do!
“How?” instead of “Why?”
Modelling is the study of the structure of a behaviour or skill. This study allows you to easily reproduce what has been modelled. You don’t want to know why the cake is a chocolate cake, but you do want to know what to put into it to make it taste nice. Therapists spend more time trying to understand why people are broken than fixing them. There is a structure to what people do and if you can discover the structure, then you can change it or learn it for yourself.
Richard Bandler describes himself as a crazy person and finds that “psychotic” people are less crazy than he is. He believes that those who lock up “mad” people and pump them full of tranquilizers are even weirder than their patients. For example, to get in touch with a catatonic person (someone who has no reactions at all), the author recommends hitting them on the hand with a hammer. By the second attempt, the catatonic person will be pulled out of their lethargy and shout: “Stop!”
Reality is subjective.
The author makes a humorous parallel between physicists and schizophrenics. “Physicists also talk about things that no-one can see. Have you ever seen an atom? “. Here he is demonstrating that even the most “objective” things have no specific reality.
“Do you want to know a good way to fall in love? Just associate all your pleasant experiences with someone and dissociate that person from all the unpleasant experiences.”
Part 2. Running your own brain
You can control your experience
Try to remember a pleasant memory by seeing exactly what you saw at the time. Now increase the brightness of that picture in your mind, then make it dimmer, and then make it bright again. In general, increasing the luminosity strengthens the feelings and lowering it diminishes their intensity. It is one of the visual “submodalities”. If you darken the picture of an unpleasant memory enough for it not to bother you any more, then you will save the cost of psychotherapy. (This technique is used to cure children who are scared of the dark.
You can do the same thing by playing with the size of the image, making it smaller to diminish the unpleasant feeling, blowing it up to increase the pleasant emotion. Find what works for you. Try to vary the characteristics of the image one by one: all the submodalities: colour, distance, depth, duration, clarity, contrast, panorama, movement, speed, hue, transparency…. Take an image that scares you and increase its size suddenly. It works better than coffee to kick-start your morning!
Depressed people
Each one of us has good and bad experiences. The way we remember them is what makes the difference. When depressed people look back, instead of seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses, they see it in shades of grey. Some people have a slow internal voice that recites a long list of their failures to them. Increase the volume of the voice, change its tone to make it happy, play on the submodalities of this voice without ever changing the content and you will feel much better!
What is “normal”?
Every time something positive happens, you may say: “It won’t last” or ‘it’s not real”. What is important is understanding how a person makes themselves feel bad Just because you have been doing something all your life, that doesn’t make it “normal”. When Richard Bandler played with his friends when he was 9 years old, it was normal to say: “What if we stole a car? “. In Gestalt Therapy, participants are asked to talk to empty chairs and to express their anger or other feelings by talking to the chair. Some even break the chair into pieces while shouting at their absent brother. Everyone there finds this “normal”.
Try the experience
Think of an unpleasant or uncomfortable event. Watch the film of the event in your head. Add some good loud circus music in the background. Then play the original film again. How do you feel?
Take another memory and watch the film backwards for a few seconds as though rewinding it. Now watch it again from the beginning. Do you feel the same way?
Changing the submodalities of a memory changes the emotions associated with the memory.
Part 3. Points of view
See things from another person’s point of view
Try to view an incident from the point of view of the other person by looking at yourself in the image of your memory. This is a literal application of the expression “changing your point of view”. What happens? The experience changes. Just 5% of people continue to think that they were 100% in the right in a conflict after watching the memory film from the other person’s point of view. You can also try viewing the memory from above, or below or from space or from any other place that allows a change.
“You’ll laugh about it later”
Why wait to feel better? Compare the image of the memory you can laugh about and the one you are uncomfortable with. Transform the second one using the characteristics from the first: the image is distant, smaller, zooms in on a detail, is darker…
Associate/dissociate
Note that if you “associate”: you see the image with your own eyes and you feel the same feelings as the original. If you dissociate, you see yourself in the image, but you feel nothing in your body. Move from one to the other in your memory and see the difference that this change produces. To dissociate, you can ask yourself, for example: “What do I feel faced with this anger? “.
To answer, you have to leave the image. That allows you to automatically change your reaction. The ideal is to associate with your good memories and dissociate from the bad ones. Some people do exactly the opposite! You can teach your brain to encode all your memories in the right way.
Eliminate a phobia rapidly
To get rid of a phobia, imagine yourself sitting in a cinema. On the screen is a black and white photograph of you in the situation you are in just before your phobic reaction. Now float out of your body and into the projection booth where you can watch yourself watching the film and also see the screen. Now transform the still image into a black and white film. When you get to the end, jump in and watch it backwards, then in colour.
During a seminar, a woman cured her phobia of elevators in minutes. Change can only happen quickly, because that is how the brain works. If you were to have a conversation with just one word per day, your brain would not be able to understand it.
This technique can change feelings related to a memory and you can apply it to lots of situations. Some people do it unconsciously when they get divorced. All the pleasant memories are changed into neutral or unpleasant memories. Why deprive yourself of all these pleasant memories?
Part 4. Going wrong
One very poor use of the brain is to predict failure or imagine your partner having an affair. The thought of this makes you feel bad and when your partner gets home you start shouting at them. Wouldn’t it be better to build positive images?
Things that work are always easy
People are shy because they think about the unpleasant things that might happen to them. If they think that people are going to like them instead of thinking that people are going to reject them, the shyness goes away.
The more incompetent the therapist, the richer they become. They go on to say that the patient is not ready to change, so why continue to see them week after week? If something isn’t working, it is a sign that it is time to try something else!
Be considerate in advance
In a restaurant, why not start treating the wait staff like human beings instead of complaining at the end of the meal about the bad service? The same thing applies to marriage: “He should have done this”, “I shouldn’t have to tell her” and you go on to think that you have to get even. What if you tried being considerate before things go wrong?
Relevant questions to return to the critical moment
By asking questions, you can understand the other person’s limits. You can learn how they operate and from there, you can change them. For example: “When did you know that…. you were going to get angry? “; “When do you do it?”, “What is the goal?”
This allows you to backtrack before the process begins and to choose to step to one side to avoid it from blowing up. “How would you feel about doing something before you start feeling so discontent? “? The world does not go backwards and neither does time or light, but your brain can go backwards.
You have to love someone to treat them like dirt
A man took his daughter to see Bandler, twisting her arm and throwing her into a chair: “She’s a whore!”. Richard Bandler pointed out to him that he was teaching his daughter that men dominate women and give them orders, forcing them to do things against their will. He was teaching her to become a whore! And when the father replied that she was too young to be in love with her boyfriend, he answered: “Didn’t she love you when she was little?”
Once they reached this stage, he could no longer act like a pimp. He had to learn how to do things differently. He found himself obliged to build a positive relationship with his daughter so that she would be happier with her family and learn to respect herself.
What do we want?
We can forget what we want very easily and get trapped by the way we go about getting it. When you don’t like what is happening to you, you can say: “It’s your fault. I’m going to destroy you.” or you can say: “I have a brain. Let’s take a step back, keeping what I want in mind and then go there”.
Part 5. Going for it
Critical internal voices
Transactional Analysis tells us that in each one of us lives a parent, a child and an adult. (In fact, you have to go to see a therapist to have this kind of problem!). Some of us have the voice of a critical parent inside. There are several methods you can use to silence it. You can move it by making it come out of your left big toe, or you can ask whether what it desires is positive for you and if it is prepared to change the way it speaks in order to be heard. Who wants to listen to a voice that yells all day long? (Actual parents should try this technique when they want their children to listen).
Decoding a motivational strategy
How do you go about getting up in the morning? Some will say “I wake up” and feel their body warming up, so they then say: “I have to get up.” When you try what other people do you really understand how they go about it. An excited internal voice is an excellent way to wake up when you need this (on the motorway for example, to avoid an accident).
Lots of insomniacs speak in a fast and loud voice. Try to change your inner voice, making it lower, softer and slower and see how you feel. People do things automatically and unconsciously, so you have to ask a lot of questions if you want to gather all the elements of the strategy together.
Motivation through positive or negative means?
You can be motivated to avoid something negative. This is the usual pathway to anxiety. You generate unpleasant feelings until you are no longer motivated to avoid them. In this way, we could say that anxiety is positive, because it forces people to act. Other people are motivated by picturing something pleasant, by moving towards a pleasant feeling using the positive images they build in their minds. To motivate yourself to do something unpleasant, you can break it down into small pieces and delight in accomplishing each one of them. If you don’t like a task, getting it done is an attractive prospect.
Check your decision-making capacity before strengthening motivation
There are people who make lame decisions. If you teach them a genuinely effective motivational strategy, they will successfully apply their poor decisions and do stupid things. So, it is better to teach a new decision-making strategy before teaching a new motivational strategy.
“The ideal situation is to recall all you pleasant memories associated, so that you can easily enjoy all the positive feelings that go with them.”
Part 6. Understanding confusion
What are the differences between confusion and understanding?
Think about something that confuses you. Now think about something similar (for example, if the confusion is about behaviour, think about the behaviour that you understand) and note the differences between your two internal representations. Is one a film and the other a photo? Is one in black and white and the other in colour? And is one small and the other big? Now change the representation of confusion so that it has the same characteristics as the one of comprehension without changing the content. What seemed confusing becomes understandable.
You do not need to have more information. Most often, we already have the information we need to understand things. We simply do not use it correctly. We all know much more than we realise. It is not a lack of information that causes confusion, it is an excess of information. When you re-arrange the logs in the fireplace, the fire starts up again without adding anything else. Simply moving things around can make a huge difference.
You can also change the representation of understanding so that it appears similar to that of confusion. This would allow certain people who think that they understand (everything) to realise that this is not the case. This can be very useful!
Confusion and understanding are internal experiences. Most often, they have no relation to the exterior world.
Adopt someone else’s process
Some people do not have very efficient representations of understanding. All you have to do is adopt another person’s process and test it to see if it offers any additional understanding. You first have to transform your representation in confusion to then adopt new understanding. This allows you to feel how another person understands something. For example, a particularly smart business man begins with a slide that he enlarges until it becomes panoramic and he finds himself inside the slide. Then he turns it into a film. For this man, understanding and acting are closely related. There are several types of understanding and some are more useful than others.
Four types of understanding
- The first allows you to justify, to explain why nothing can be done. This is used by specialists on questions such as schizophrenia or learning difficulties.
- The second type of understanding simply allows you to feel good. But this one will not teach you to achieve something either.
- The third type of understanding allows you to talk about boring concepts, but that does not help you to change them.
- The fourth is the only one that allows you to do something. Going through confusion offers the opportunity to reorganise the experience in a different way, to see and hear the world in a new way. So, every time you feel confused, you can be excited at the prospect of new understanding. On the other hand, being stuck inside understanding is the cause of three major human diseases.
What is making you stuck?
- Being serious: Taking yourself seriously makes you blind to what is around you.
- Being sure you are right: Any time you feel absolutely certain about something, it is a sign that you are missing something.
- Self-importance is a wonderful way to justify unkindness and destruction.
People get stuck because of one of these three things most often. Being stuck means wanting something and not getting it. Very few people take the time to question their certainty that something is vitally important for them. Certainty probably impedes human progress more than anything else. But it is a subjective experience that can be changed.
How can you get unstuck?
Choose a learning experience where you suddenly had this feeling: “Oh, I see! Now I get it!” and remember it in as much detail as possible. Now watch this memory backwards, as if you were rewinding a film. Now think about what you understood. Is it different? Do you notice that your understanding has changed? Imagine yourself looking at all your memories backwards and discover what you still don’t know.
Be suspicious of success
Every time you feel that you have successfully completed a task several times, be suspicious of what you’re not noticing. What else is there to do? The teaching here works, but you have to think about what could work even better!
Part 7. Beyond belief
The almighty beliefs
All behaviour is determined by our beliefs. As long as you can match behaviour to a person’s belief system, you can make them do anything or prevent them from doing anything (the story of the father who didn’t want his daughter to behave like a prostitute). Beliefs can change. You are not born with them.
Changing a belief
- Belief: Think about a belief of yours that you would like to let go of because it is holding you back. What is its internal representation? (for example: big, clear, detailed, stable, framed…)
- Doubt: Now think of something you doubt. How do you represent this doubt in your internal experience? (For example: small, dark, fuzzy…)
- Differences: Perform an analysis to draw up a list of differences in the submodalities between belief and doubt and test each one of them to find out which is the most efficient in moving from belief to doubt. Return them to their place each time before moving on to the next one.
- New belief: Determine a new belief that you would like to have about yourself. Express it in positive terms and as a process rather than an objective (for example choose “I want to change and maintain my weight” instead of “I want to weigh 48 kilos.”) You should also check what the consequences of this new belief will be for you and those around you. Does it pose any problems? Alter the new belief to take any possible difficulties into account.
- From belief to doubt: when you already have a belief, there is no room for a new one, unless you weaken the initial one first. Change the unwanted belief into doubt by using the most efficient submodality (move from a film to a photo, from colour to black and white…) to make room for the new belief.
- Change the content: Change the old belief into a new one; for example, put the old belief far away, so that it is impossible to tell what it is. Then bring it back with the new image.
- From doubt to belief: Now change the submodalities of “this new doubt” so that it has the characteristics of your internal representation of “beliefs” (for example, moving from a photo to a film, from black and white to colour…).
- Test: What do you think of this new belief?
Once you have a clear picture of how belief and doubt are represented, the change is very easy, like setting up a row of dominoes and knocking the first one down.
“…starting with the belief that you can learn will take you a long way. My belief may even be wrong sometimes, but it makes it possible for me to do things and get results that I would never even consider if I assumed people were genetically incapable.”
What beliefs to change
Very often, profound internal change occurs when you change a central belief. Sometimes this demands a lot of work to determine what belief is holding you back and needs to be changed. Often the belief that you want to change is not the one that is holding back your behaviour. Changing the belief that you cannot learn something is very useful for a lot of people. As long as most of your brain cells are intact, anyone can do anything. This may be a false belief, but it offers the opportunity to do things and get results. Be careful not to replace the belief that is holding you back with a belief that is of no use or one that will hold you back even more.
Part 8. Learning
Neuro-linguistic programming explores the subjective experience of learning processes. “Objective” studies study people with a problem. NLP studies people with the solution.
School phobias
School in general or a particular subject matter can trigger bad memories for children after a bad experience. It is difficult to learn when you feel bad. How many of you feel bad when you think about maths? Look at this line of an equation:
(3x²y)(5x²y3)=15x²y4
Now close your eyes and think about an absolutely wonderful experience about which you feel excited and avid to find out more… Open your eyes and look at the equation, then close your eyes and return to the wonderful experience again. Alternate between these two experiences several times until you have completely integrated them. As a test, look elsewhere and think about something neutral. Now look at the equation and make a note of your reaction.
This is called integrating anchors. Another way to do it is to constantly connect learning with enjoyment and fun. If you connect it to boredom and feeling uncomfortable, it comes as no surprise that nobody wants to learn.
Remembering
For a person to remember an event, they have to return to the state of consciousness in which the information was provided. If you don’t want to return to the state of consciousness of your school days, then it is not surprising that you don’t want to remember what you learned at school.
Here is a number: 357.
Now forget it. Finished? No? How can you not forget something that has no importance? It seems weird, but you can remember things that are not important and find it hard to remember things that are important and that you need to remember. Psychologists ignore this as if it doesn’t mean anything and continue to study mechanisms such as the “Oedipus complex” and other oddities.
Lots of people learned their multiplication tables in an auditive manner, reciting them. But this is very slow because you have to recite all the words in your head to get the answer. It is much more efficient to memorise in a visual manner. By teaching a child to memorise visually in an hour or two, that child will go on to learn much more quickly.
Sometimes we do something that is completely inadequate to memorise and go on to complain that we have a poor memory. For example, to memorise a phone number, we repeat: “I must remember that phone number”. That way, you remember the phrase and not the number!
Another way to have a good memory is to be efficient and rational and to make as much use as possible of what you already remember. If you always put your house keys in the right pocket of your trousers, you only need to remember it once. Someone who leaves their keys in several different places will have to remember it 4 or 5 times a day, instead of once and for all.
Learning disabilities
If you adopt an “anything is possible” attitude, you will see that many things people previously thought were impossible (flying, walking on the moon) ended up being possible. When a child has trouble learning, specialists rapidly come to the conclusion that he or she has a learning disability. But they never mention the possibility of a “teaching disability”.
Children from the ghettos are capable of learning three languages at once, but the way things are taught in school means that the same children don’t learn to read. Therefore, to learn to read, simply relate the image to the word, to the sound of the word you already know. If you know the spoken word, you have already related that sound to an experience. “Cat” is a ball of fur that has claws and meows. In your brain, when you hear the word “cat” you remember what a cat looks, feels and sounds like. Reading only adds the picture of the word to what you already know. It seems simple, and it is.
Medication
Prescribing medication to resolve schooling problems is absurd. The saddest thing is that most of the problems for which people are prescribed medication can easily be changed with NLP. Any neuro-linguistic programming practitioner should be capable of healing a school phobia in half an hour. Children with spelling problems should not take more than an hour or two.
The capacity to learn genuinely becomes reality not when you are exposed to an avalanche of content, but when you learn the mechanism, in other words, the structures and subjective sequences that are necessary for learning.
Part 9. The swish
Here is a process that can be used in almost all cases. It has generating effects and it can programme your brain to move in a new direction.
The different steps
- Identify the context, the place where you are uncomfortable or stuck, or the place and the time where you want to react differently. For example: I want to stop biting my nails.
- Identify the trigger image. What you see in this situation just before you start to have the behaviour that you don’t like. For example: I see my hand getting close to my face. This image should be associated. In other words, you see what is happening with your own eyes.
- Create the image of the desired state. The image of how you would like to see yourself after achieving the desired change. It is important that this image really pleases you.
- The swish. Start by placing yourself in front of the big, bright trigger image. Now place the small, dark image of the desired state in the lower right corner. Swish: the small image becomes big and bright and covers up the first image that gets darker and shrinks as fast as you say the word “swish”. Now picture a white screen. And repeat the process 5 times, picturing the white screen between each swish.
- Test Visualise the first image… If the swish has been effective, you will find this hard to do.
Take a new direction
Rather than enduring a certain kind of behaviour, this technique creates a direction. You use what is often called “the self-image”, a very powerful motivator to set this direction. If you see yourself doing something in particular, you only programme this new choice. If you see yourself as a person with different qualities, this new person can generate many new and specific possibilities. And if you know how the brain works, you can impose your own directions on it. If you don’t know, someone else will do it for you.
How to have your problem
Brightness and size have a powerful effect on most people. Distance is another important submodality for many people. If these three criteria are of no importance to the person, you must find out which submodalities have an impact and adapt the swish in relation to this. The most important part of a swish performed artistically is the careful collection of the information you need to set it up in the appropriate manner.
A good way to get this information is to ask: “Suppose I had to replace you for a day. How would I go about it?” You need to teach me to have this problem Every time a person is forced to do something they don’t want to, there needs to be an internal element that is magnified up to a certain point. It has to become bigger or brighter or stronger, or the tone needs to change, or the rhythm needs to accelerate or slow down. Ask the person when it needs to be done and how to go about it. How does this person manage to swish from one desired state to another?
“There is so much more inside our minds than we suspect. there is so much more outside than we are capable of being curious about. ”
Made to measure
It is important to use two submodalities simultaneously. If you pull in one direction, a series of nails will hold the plank in place. If you pull in the other direction, the second row of nails will hold it too. And if you pull both sides at the same time, the plank will be released. It is important to tailor your method for change to your needs This involves creating a direction in which the image of the old problem leads to the solution and where the image of the solution creates a response with increasing intensity.
The swish model does not teach people how to behave. It keeps them on the path to what they want to become. Installing this direction is the most important part of what the change can mean.
Final part of the book Using your brain for a change. Postface
Neuro-linguistic Programming is a philosophy
NLP is not a set of techniques. It is an attitude. It is related to curiosity, wanting to know things in order to be able to influence them in a worthwhile manner. We can change anything. The question is to know how and what you are going to do with this technology that you have just learned about.
Be creative and curious
Every time you think that you understand completely, it is time to focus on yourself and say: “This is a joke”. Very often, people forget that they don’t know.
The essence of a creative attitude lies in the creation of a world in which everyone wins because they are ways to create more, instead of having to fight for something limited and having to share it.
Now that you know how to hold your course, the question is: where are you going? Some people drift in circles, others follow the same path every day. So many more things are happening around us than our curiosity is able to keep track of. It’s only that growing sense of curiosity that allows you to capture the enthusiasm that makes even the most mundane, or the most fascinating task worthwhile, fun, and intriguing.
The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh Book Summary
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The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh
Is it accurate to say that you are inhabiting the occasion? Or on the other hand, would you say you are living tirelessly later on – continually envisioning how things will play out, longing for something better around the bend, or stressing what tomorrow will bring? Huge numbers of us have been raised with the possibility that it’s reasonable to watch out for the future, however, when does groundbreaking become dispersed reasoning?
As you’ll find in this outline, a considerable lot of us are so devoured by longing for our future or harping on our past, that we’re neglecting to experience our genuine lives by any stretch of the imagination.
So go on a voyage with Thích Nhất Hạnh to find how you can utilize the customary Buddhist routine with regards to care to correct this circumstance and get increasingly out of the present day. You’ll rediscover how to welcome the straightforward things throughout everyday life, for example, your body, your environment, and a quiet attitude.
With simple to pursue reflection practices and amazing experiences into the reasoning of Buddhism, you’ll figure out how to be aware of the present time and place, rather than living for tomorrow.
Carry on with every snapshot of your life by keeping your psyche on the job needing to be done.
During the 1940s, when Thích Nhất Hạnh was a tenderfoot priest in Vietnam, he was frequently given the unenviable assignment of remaining in the kitchen on a virus winter’s day, cleaning the dishes for around one hundred different priests. This was made considerably increasingly relentless by the way that he had no cleanser to utilize – just slag, husks of rice and solidifying water.
From that point forward, the religious community’s kitchen has been furnished with hot running water, cleanser and scourers. The amateur priests can do the dishes rapidly, and unwind with some tea to remunerate themselves a while later.
In any case, shockingly, rather than review these cutting edge redesigns as an improvement, the creator sees them as an issue for the present tenderfoot dishwashers.
Why?
Since he trusts that doing dishes just in light of the fact that you need them to be perfect is the incorrect method for moving toward this undertaking. The correct method to clean up is to clean the dishes only for cleaning the dishes.
On the off chance that we rush through the dishes like an exhausting errand to be suffered, with our brains effectively looking forward to some tea sitting tight for us when we’re done, at that point we can’t in any way, shape or form be cleaning the dishes for cleaning them. In addition, we can’t be completely alive while undertaking this errand.
It’s inconceivable for us, as we remain before the sink wishing endlessly the time, to welcome the marvel such is a reality. That is on the grounds that we’re neither cognizant nor aware of our bodies, our developments, or the musings that we’re encountering in those valuable snapshots of doing the dishes.
Rather, we’re now living, later on, sitting at the table with some tea. At the end of the day, you’re not by any stretch of the imagination cleaning the dishes. Truth be told, when you get to some tea, your mind will as of now be centered around still different issues, just faintly mindful of the flavor of the tea in your mouth. In this way, once more, you will be farther from the present, into the future, unfit truly to live even a couple of snapshots of your life.
Be that as it may, there is a superior way. The Sutra of Mindfulness, an old Buddhist content, instructs us that whatever we end up doing at some random minute, we should be completely cognizant and aware of it. How about we become familiar with this thought in the accompanying sections.
Begin to rehearse care by taking in a careful manner.
The term care implies guaranteeing your cognizance is centered around the present minute at some random time, rather than looking to the future or choosing not to move on. Albeit a significant number of us look to be careful as we approach our day by day lives, diversions definitely come thick and quick.
Rather than being allowed to concentrate on the basic fulfillment of washing dishes, we’re frequently besieged with a steady stream of individual tasks, family matters, and work duties. So in this frenzied world, how might we take part in a condition of care and just live at the time?
Amazingly, the manner by which we inhale can truly help with this objective.
When we neglect to keep our psyches on the present minute, our musings scatter and dissipate, abandoning us unfit to focus or acknowledge life. Fortunately, breathing is a viable, normal device with which we can leave scattering speechless. Think about your breath as an extension – interfacing your cognizance to the present and joining your dispersed musings with your body once more.
When you discover your contemplations scattering, grab hold of your psyche by softly taking in with a long, full breath. As you do as such, remain aware of how you’re breathing and how you’re feeling. After this long inward breath, take as much time as is needed and breathe out the majority of your lungs’ breath.
Your stomach will likewise assume a job when you inhale carefully. As your lungs top off with air, your stomach will start to rise. As you start breathing in, your stomach will begin propelling itself out, and just when your lungs are around 66% brimming with the breath will the stomach start to fall once more. This development possibly happens when we begin taking in a cognizant, careful way.
For care novices, it’s incredibly useful to rests while rehearsing cognizant relaxing. Furthermore, it’s additionally critical to abstain from overexerting yourself in your initial endeavors – it’s adequate at first to take 10 to twenty breaths like this at once. Keep in mind, your lungs likely could be frail from a lifetime of taking in a non-careful manner.
Worry doesn’t as well assume, at first, your exhalations are significantly longer than your inward breaths, and don’t take in more air than your body needs to. Step by step develop your careful breathing and, following half a month, your inward breaths and exhalations ought to be comparable long.
Give your one day in seven days to rehearsing all out carefully.
In a perfect world, one would be careful for every hour of consistently. Sadly, our lives are loaded up with duties, and care as a regular the truth isn’t simple. That is the reason Thích Nhất Hạnh suggests that you put aside something like one day seven days to commit to caring.
In spite of the fact that it may appear to be liberal to have one entire day seven days altogether devoted to your own prosperity, recall that everybody merits multi-day like this. Moreover, without cutting out this time for yourself, you’ll, in the end, lose your life to a hurricane of stress.
Does that sound beneficial? Unquestionably not.
Note that you should rehearse care around the same time every week. By participating in a week by week schedule this way, your picked day will go about as a switch that triggers your care propensity.
When you’ve settled on the multi-day, work out how to remind yourself, quickly after waking, this is your picked care day. For instance, hang a note with “care” composed on it over your bed.
After waking, take moderate, conscious breaths before gradually getting up. While doing your morning undertakings, for example, brushing your hair, focus on each activity with smoothness and tranquility.
Put aside no less than thirty minutes to unwind in the shower. Wash in a carefully moderate manner, so that a short time later you’re really revived and rejuvenated. In the wake of washing, focus on finishing family unit errands. Also, don’t simply rush through them without giving any consideration. Rather, go into the soul of this housework with no hesitance or disturbance.
On the off chance that this is one of your first entire long stretches of care, you may think that it’s accommodating to remain quiet however much as could reasonably be expected. While talking, or notwithstanding singing, isn’t prohibited, you ought to keep away from them in the event that you don’t feel ready to talk or sing in a totally careful manner.
After lunch, set aside some effort to wait over a pot of newly prepared tea. Try not to swallow it down – appreciate it gradually, treating this straightforward demonstration with love. Spend the remainder of the evening planting, in the event that you can, or essentially watching the mists pass by.
Toward night, you could peruse some Buddhist sacred texts, set aside the effort to form letters to your companions, or do whatever else pleasant that you ordinarily don’t possess energy for. Finally, do whatever it takes not to devour much at dinnertime, as it will be progressively agreeable to sit for your late night reflections with a vacant stomach.
Genuine care implies understanding the relationship between items.
A basic piece of Buddhism is understanding that specific items share a relationship. By outfitting our fixation through reflection, we can start to see this association for ourselves.
To get this, think about that information can’t have a subject without likewise having an article. For instance, we never basically hear – there’s continually something that we hear, and in case we’re furious, we’re constantly irate about something.
By rehearsing reflection, one assumes full responsibility for her brain and body, and in this way can completely focus on this reliance among subject and article. For example, through being aware of our breaths, we see how breath and psyche are interconnected, and in this way see how, as it were, a brain is a breath. Essentially, to be aware of our bodies is to comprehend the interconnectedness of body and mind, and to see that mind is a body.
Critically, we can likewise expand our care past our breathing and our bodies to objects that are outer to us. When we do this, our insight into these outside articles winds up interconnected as well and indistinguishable from our brains. Hence, any thought of articles’ association additionally turns into our very own consideration psyches, and this reliance implies that every one of the mind’s items is likewise disapproved of itself.
The mind’s articles, in Buddhism, are called dharmas. These dharmas are comprehensively arranged into five separate classifications, otherwise called the five totals: emotions, discernments, physical and substantial structures, mental procedures and awareness. Critically, however, “cognizance” is the establishment of the other four’s presence.
To think about the idea of reliance is to take a profound, thoughtful investigate every dharma, in this manner understanding the genuine idea of each, and subsequently in the end observing every one of them as a feature of a more noteworthy entire such is life – and, at last, understanding that this incredible entire of the truth is eventually resolute, with each bit of it unfit to exist free from the others.
The underlying article we should begin considering when we think is our own individual.
For sure, we ourselves are a gathering of these totals. To start this thought, we have to turn out to be aware of the nearness of every one of these five dharmas inside us. We ought to watch the five objects of the brain until we plainly observe that they’re all firmly associated with the world outside of us, and hence comprehend that we – which means this get together of the five dharmas – can’t exist without the remainder of the world either.
Through this, we can eventually see how we’re simply a piece of the more noteworthy universe.
When you comprehend this idea of association, you’re en route towards separating the boundaries that limited our impression of the world. When you crush these boundaries, you’re significantly nearer to epitomizing Buddhism.
To rehearse care, we should be cautious and completely wakeful.
When we take a seat in a condition of care, our brains and bodies might be totally loose and absolutely settled. In any case, don’t confuse this situation with something it’s definitely not. This kind of unwinding is altogether different from the kind of half-cognizant, lazy perspective that emerges from snoozing or resting.
Basically resting or snoozing shares nothing at all practically speaking with care. Why? Since when we rest, our mind enters a diminish cavern, but a loosening up one. In any case, when we are careful, we are relaxing yet additionally completely alert and wide wakeful.
Think about that when we rest or rest, we are dodging reality for some time. Be that as it may, when we ponder and take part in care, we’re not looking to avoid reality, yet to experience it in a peaceful manner. Therefore, one who is being careful should be no less alarm than one who is driving a vehicle. Why?
Since similarly as a tired driver will presumably have a mishap, a caring expert who isn’t completely conscious will probably endure dispersed contemplations, just as absent-mindedness.
Along these lines, when we practice care, we should plan to be as cautious as a carnival entertainer navigating a precarious situation – approaching our exercises realizing that lost center could result in a long fall. Or on the other hand, we should attempt to be as a tiger, going forward with delicate yet intentional advances, alert and tranquil in the meantime.
Note that we have to get this kind of cautiousness before we will probably encounter our total arousing.
For care specialists who are toward the start of their adventures toward genuine arousing, the creator prescribes a specific technique: that of unadulterated acknowledgment.
This implies perceiving any considerations or emotions you my understanding –, for example, outrage or aggravation – in a soul of inviting acknowledgment. Rather than qualities, for example, sympathy more exceedingly than desire, treat the two sentiments as carefully equivalent in worth. Why? Since they are both a piece of you
Keep in mind, while rehearsing care, no item is indicated more consideration than some other. In this way, outrage, sympathy, a teacup or an almond tree is each sacrosanct.
So try to treat your additionally testing sentiments, for example, torment and contempt, with tenderness and regard. Try not to oppose them. Rather, live in harmony with them, as you think about their association with different articles throughout your life.
Begin thinking by envisioning yourself as a rock and an infant.
With regards to meditation, there is an abundance of various activities and strategies you can use to help you with your approach to care. In spite of the fact that these activities are very straightforward, they are the nuts and bolts that you should ace before proceeding onward to further developed methodologies.
The main exercise is known as a stone.
Sit as still as could be allowed and take moderate and careful breaths. Presently, envision that you’re a rock, sinking through the unmistakable waters of a stream. As you sink, you make no endeavor to control the developments you make; rather, you are just falling toward a specific spot on the delicate riverbed sand. This spot is one of complete rest.
Ruminate over yourself as this stone until your body and your brain is in a condition of all-out quiet – at the end of the day until you have achieved that spot of lay on the riverbed. It might take around fifteen minutes for you to achieve this profound quietness. When you have accomplished it, keep this condition of joy and harmony for an entire thirty minutes, as you watch your relaxing.
While you are in this state, there is nothing you will probably consider in regards to either the future or the past that can tear you out of your present quietness. Existent in this ecstatic present is the whole universe, and nothing can divert you from your tranquility – not in any case your desire to spare mankind, or your desire to be a Buddha.
As you ruminate, comprehend that turning into a Buddha and sparing mankind is just conceivable after you accomplish a condition of unadulterated quietness in the present minute.
Another supportive exercise includes imagining the snapshot of your introduction to the world.
Sit in the lotus position and set aside some effort to wind up aware of your relaxing. At that point, center your fixation around the snapshot of your own introduction to the world. Ponder the way that your introduction to the world likewise denoted the beginning stage of your possible demise. Comprehend that when life shows does as well, demise and that we can’t have one without the other.
See that demise and life are each other’s establishments and that you are, actually, your life and your passing at the same time. Thusly, life and demise are not foes, yet essentially two distinct components of an indistinguishable reality. When we understand this, we gain the bravery to defeat our dread of death.
Meditation is a significant advance en route to a careful life. By empowering us to loosen up our bodies completely, reflection gives the establishment of grabbing hold of our musings, observations, and sentiments as well. In this manner, through contemplation, we can guide ourselves toward care and accomplish serenity of the brain too.
Tony Robbins Ultimate Edge Program – INNER STRENGTH – Book Summary
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Tony Robbins Ultimate Edge Program – Inner Strength
Welcome to the Ultimate Edge™—your guide to getting the most out of life regardless of the circumstances that confront you and achieving the results you want, be it your finances, relationships, body, emotions, time—everything that matters to you most.
INNER STRENGTH
SESSION 1: DECISIONS & DESTINY
UNDERSTANDING AND DIRECTING THE FORCES THAT SHAPE YOUR LIFE
To take our lives to the next level, we need to understand that the external world is not the driving force in who we become or what we choose to create for our lives. We all want to
take control of the internal forces that shape the direction of our lives so that we may fully realize our emotional, physical, financial and spiritual potential.
During the times in life where we get frustrated or overwhelmed or maybe even feel stuck, often there is something that snaps—a moment when everything changes. Regardless of what stage of life you may be in (if you are on a roll and want to continue to the next level, or if you are experiencing challenges you need to turn around), the Ultimate Edge helps you to cultivate the inner strength necessary to forge a path toward true meaning and happiness.
The road to transformation begins with the foundation of the 3 Pillars of Progress.
FIRST PILLAR: GET FOCUSED AND CLEAR, AND MAKE IT COMPELLING
The first step is to clarify the results you desire in your life. What do you want most in the areas of life that are important to you? What is your definition of an extraordinary quality of life? What do you need to take your life to the next level?
Without a clear and compelling vision for what you want today, you won’t be able to even find the target of lasting happiness, let alone hit it. Your chances of knowing what your bull’s-eye looks like, however, depends on how honest you can be with yourself. When you’ve got a clear and compelling vision of what it is you want, it shifts your mind and emotions, giving you the impetus to shift your actions toward your goals.
SECOND PILLAR: GET THE BEST TOOLS FOR RESULTS
Once you’ve defined your target, you need an effective and efficient game plan to hit it. In order to close the “gap” between where you are and where you want to be, you need a proven map, an effective mentor and training to drive you to take action. Armed with proven tools, high-quality skills, an effective coach to constantly measure your progress and an empowering community to hold you to a higher standard, there is no way that you won’t get the results that you deserve!
THIRD PILLAR: GET INTEGRATED AND GET ALIGNED
However, sometimes tools are not enough: you need to unlock what’s blocking you and unleash your power. Why is it that sometimes we know what to do, we have great motives for change, and yet we fail to follow through? Or we make changes in the moment, but they do not last long term? What’s missing is a practical understanding of human psychology: why we do what we do and how to change it. By understanding your personal blueprint—how you create meaning and emotion and what causes you to think, feel and behave the way you do—you can not only gain the answers to these questions but learn how to create lasting change and fulfillment. Through the process of discovering, understanding and aligning your internal drives, you are able to channel them so that you naturally move in the direction you desire more—a direction that serves not only you but also all those you care about.
SESSION 1: DECISIONS & DESTINY
RESOURCES VS. RESOURCEFULNESS
The biggest illusion we have in life of why we can’t achieve something is that we start to believe that we’re lacking adequate resources. I don’t have enough money. I don’t have enough time. I don’t know the right people. I don’t have the right training. While any of these may in fact be true, there has certainly been something in your life where one or more of the above factors didn’t stop you. You found a way. You may not have had the money, but you were creative enough to get it. You may not have had the education, but you found another way to learn a skill.
If the obstacle seems absolutely impenetrable but you’re focused enough, will you find a way anyway? Of course you will, if you have enough determination, enough flexibility and enough creativity. The truth is resources are never the real problem. The real problem is a lack of resourcefulness, and the ultimate resource is human emotion. Human emotion is how we get the resources we need. We tend to forget this because we live and operate in a cognitively driven world, that is, we lean on our ability to figure things out. And if we reach a point where it seems like we can’t figure out a solution, that’s when the illusion of failure keeps us from reaching our goals.
But in reality, if we feel strongly enough about something, no amount of time or perceived lack of resources would keep us from achieving what we want.
The mind needs fuel. It operates very differently when you’re passionate about something than when you’re frustrated, angry, bored or dejected. Your mind will wire itself differently when you’re feeling excited, eager, enthusiastic, inspired or engaged in what you want to achieve, like there’s a real purpose behind your goals. That passion expands into your thoughts, actions and the way you interact with people.
Change the fuel that drives the mind, and you change the experience of anything you’re trying to accomplish. We’re either unresourceful or resourceful based on the habit of emotions that we use most often. Once you realize that you are in control of the fuel that directs your thoughts and actions, the next step is to recognize the power of the decisions you make from moment to moment and throughout your life.
TWO MASTER LESSONS OF LIFE
Gaining the ultimate edge in life requires mastering two skills: the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment.
Achievement—going from where you are to where you want to be—requires a plan, a specific strategy. You can achieve anything you desire simply by following certain laws. Whether you want to improve your financial outlook, enhance your relationships or sculpt your body into fantastic shape, following a set of scientific principles will guarantee results.
Fulfillment means experiencing tremendous joy in the process—so you feel not only the excitement of the pursuit but the enthusiasm and gratitude for the little things in life along the way.
If you’re going to feel happy, alive, excited and passionate about life, you must understand that these lessons go hand in hand. Consider the very famous—although they achieve the heights of success, some never feel fulfilled despite the money, accolades and more. Remember, success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.
THE POWER OF DECISION
Can you think about the areas in your life where you feel most fulfilled, be it your relationship, your career, your body or your family? The path to fulfillment is progressive—an ongoing journey or a project that engages your love, passion and time. More often than not, however, you can pinpoint a moment of significant change that inspired or triggered the actions that led to personal achievement. It is in these moments that you align and focus the power of your inner world to accomplish success and fulfillment in the external world.
The goal of the Ultimate Edge is to provide you with the knowledge and tools to create and take advantage of these moments of personal empowerment. Utilizing this power—this emotional fitness—to work against fear and doubt and overcome any obstacle allows you to become the architect of your own destiny instead of simply reacting to the forces in your environment.
The Ultimate Edge = Psychological Strength Mental edge and focus that maximize who you are, what you’re capable of and what you get to enjoy out of this life.
THE POWER OF DECISIONS
We are able to exercise this emotional fitness and psychological strength through action. Nothing changes without new action. It is also essential to remember that every action is parented by a decision. Before you take action, you have to make a decision. No matter how inconsequential a decision may appear to be, even the smallest decisive notion could change the outcome of your life.
It’s in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.
Decisions = Destiny
Each day we’re making new decisions and creating new actions, all fueled by the power of emotion. It is up to us to nurture the emotions that engender a level of positive activity and growth through consistent and focused decision-making. Some decisions may only have short-term impact, and others affect us far beyond what we could imagine in the moment. Either way, remember: decisions are shaping your life’s destiny.
THE THREE DECISIONS
There are three decisions you’re making every moment of your life, either consciously or unconsciously. Developing the capacity to make the changes you want to make in life depends on your ability to become conscious of the decisions that you’re making all of the time.
FIRST DECISION: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO FOCUS ON?
Every moment of your life you have to decide what you’re going to focus on. If you don’t consciously choose where to point the lens, your brain just goes into the habit of what it usually focuses on. Most people focus on what they’re afraid of, and whatever you focus on, you feel. So if you keep focusing on what you fear, you bring it to life. As you think about it, it becomes alive inside of you. On the other hand, if you focus on the potential in an event or situation, then opportunities begin to present themselves.
SECOND DECISION: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
The minute you focus on something, your mind has to come up with a meaning for it. From an evolutionary standpoint, the human nervous system has to know: is this going to mean pain or pleasure? Whatever meaning you give to an experience, then that experience becomes that meaning because you make it real in your body and mind. If you don’t consciously choose what things mean, your old patterns show up. Come up with an empowering meaning, and you change how you’ll feel.
THIRD DECISION: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
Once you focus on something and give it a meaning, it produces an emotion. Those emotions filter what you do and trigger action, or even non-action.
If you’re angry, are you going to do something different than if you’re feeling grateful? If you’re fearful, worried or stressed, are you going to do something different than if you feel determined, curious or playful
It all comes down to these three decisions. They’re shaping your life moment to moment. If you take control of them, everything changes. You don’t have to wait to be emotionally fit in order to start down the path that will lead to your ultimate edge. You have to decide to raise the standard of what you expect for yourself now. You have to decide that it’s time to go to the next level.
SESSION 1: DECISIONS & DESTINY
THE TWO FORCES THAT CONTROL OUR DECISIONS
There are two forces that influence every decision we make:
Our Decisions
State (in the moment) Blueprint (long term)
- STATE
Ultimately, we want to feel states of empowerment, like confidence, certainty or adeptness, that will positively impact the quality of our decisions most of the time. Few people are in empowered states all of the time. But even “negative” states of emotion—frustration, anger, envy—can sometimes be useful to propel us to make changes. Being conscious of our moment-to-moment state gives us better control over how we feel, hence control over the quality of decisions we end up making.
- BLUEPRINT
Our Blueprint is our Model of the World—a specific set of beliefs about how we’re supposed to be, how life’s supposed to be or how other people are supposed to treat us, which determines what we’re even willing to consider doing or not doing. In short, our Blueprint will have a massive impact on the decisions we make both inthe short term and in the long term because it colors how we look at our lives
BLUEPRINT: A BRIEF INTRODUCTION
We experience happiness whenever our Life Conditions (what is actually happening with our career, body, relationships, finances, etc.) align with our Blueprint or Model of the World. Since there is no gap between our expectations and reality in this area, we are happy.
Life Conditions = Blueprint = Happiness
But if there is an area of life that is causing you pain, it’s because your Life Conditions do not match your Blueprint.
Life Conditions ≠ Blueprint = Pain
THREE CHOICES
When we are unhappy and our Life Conditions do not match our Blueprint, we have three choices as to how we’re going to handle the challenge:
PAIN PROVIDES 3 CHOICES
Blame 1) Events 2) Others 3) Yourself
Change Your Life Conditions
Change Your Blueprint
FIRST CHOICE: BLAME
The first choice people have is to assign blame, and there are three things you can blame:
Event. There’s a story, something that happened, behind why things are the way they are. However accurate the story may be, blaming an event is convenient because it helps preserve an identity designed to shield us from our true fears: fear of failure and fear of not being loved or accepted.
Others. “I’m in this situation because this person …” Similarly, the story may be true, but it’s convenient and gives you comfort in the moment. “There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s this other person. There’s nothing I need to change.”
Yourself. Most people think that this is being responsible, but blaming yourself will not make it better. There’s a difference between responsibility and beating yourself up—between “Here’s a pattern that I’ve got to change” and “I’m not good enough.”
SECOND CHOICE: CHANGE YOUR LIFE CONDITIONS
Take a new action, something that will help you make significant progress. If you want to have happiness, you have to understand one thing: progress = happiness. If you feel like you’re making progress in an area of your life, you will start to be pleased in that area. You start to get more focused and specific about what you want to change, and you build momentum toward the results you want. If, for example, you want to open your own business, find an achiever to mentor you. Get focused on why you want to make the change and commit to something new in your life.
THIRD CHOICE: CHANGE YOUR BLUEPRINT
Sometimes things are outside of your control, but you CAN control how you configure your rules about how things should be. Your happiness is going to be limited if you want success but aren’t willing to ever be judged or want love but distrust the opposite sex. Sometimes adjusting your Blueprint means compromising some of your rules that are difficult for you and others to live up to or are simply impossible to fulfill.
When it comes to the three choices you face on how to handle a problem, the first choice isn’t really a choice at all. Blame leaves you stuck, spinning your wheels with no options to change as you tell yourself, “There’s nothing I can do about it because …” We all use blame at times, but the quicker you can get out of it, the faster you’ll be empowered to either change your life conditioning or change your perspective, both of which are real, tangible options that can instantly transform a relationship, your career, your finances or your life.
MAKE A NEW CHOICE
EXERCISE: Write What an Extraordinary Life Would Be Like for You Today …
Write a paragraph or two to answer this question: What would your life be like if it was exactly the way you wanted it to be today? In other words, start with the ultimate end in mind.
If your life were extraordinary—life on your terms—what would that look like? How would you change? What would you enhance? Who would you spend more time with? What would you appreciate more? What would you do?
SESSION 2: YOUR HOUR OF POWER
THE KEY TO PERSONAL
TRANSFORMATION AND RESULTS
There are two forces controlling every decision in our lives:
State: How you feel in any given moment.
Blueprint: Your structure of beliefs and values.
Hour of Power is designed to help you create rituals to condition empowering emotional states. Gaining the ultimate edge in life means experiencing the primary emotions you want regardless of life’s events, not just attaining a life that works out every way you want it to. Sometimes, life rains on your parade, but you can control what it means to you. And when you control what it means to you, you have the edge, the ultimate advantage.
To make that happen, you must recapture what’s missing—time for yourself, time to heal mentally and emotionally so that consistent space facilitates a shift in your habitual thoughts and feelings. You don’t want to wait to attain a goal you’ve been looking to reach for a long time before you start feeling good about life. You want to direct the course of your life. Fulfillment is not an automatic result of success. Fulfillment is an emotion you must nurture to enhance your quality of life as you work toward your goals and beyond.
TAKE STOCK OF YOUR EMOTIONS
Which emotions do you feel on a regular basis? Make a list of all the emotions you consistently experience in an average week.
Empowering/Positive Emotions Disempowering/Painful Emotions
THE THREE PATTERNS THAT CREATE ANY EMOTION: THE TRIAD
Anything in life you want, you only want because of the feeling you think obtaining it will give you. But the truth is that you could have that feeling right now—simply by changing
the following three patterns:
Your Physiology
Emotion is created by motion. Whatever you’re feeling right now is related to how you’re using your body.
Your Focus and Beliefs
Whatever you focus on is what you’re going to feel whether it is true or not.
Your Language
Questions: Thinking is nothing more than mentally asking and answering a series of questions. Eliminate any habitual questions that do not serve you (e.g., “What’s wrong with me?”).
Words: If you want to change your life, pay attention to the words you repeat to yourself.
Certain words can change the way you feel: I think you’re mistaken vs. I think you’re wrong vs. I think you’re lying.
Incantations: When you repeat a phrase with enough emotional intensity, you start to believe it. Utilize the power of incantations by using the ones that support you the most.
SAMPLE INCANTATIONS
Every day and in every way, I’m getting stronger and stronger.
At last, at last, the past is past; I’ve broken free and won. And now it’s time to love myself and really have some fun.
With each and every breath I take, with each and every stride I make, I feel joy and love from deep inside me.
Day by day I live my life with happiness and harmony. I share my gifts, my dreams, my heart, and love has set me free.
Tap Into Your Awareness
Get into the habit of evaluating your triad and conditioning yourself to experience the great emotions you want. What are you doing with your body? What are you focusing on or believing? What are you saying to yourself?
YOUR DAILY HABIT FOR EXTRAORDINARY HEALTH AND HAPPINESS
Train yourself to jump out of bed immediately, with no hesitation, and start your day with movement. PHASE 1: Move and Breathe (5 Minutes)
PHASE 2: Get Grateful and Visualize (10 Minutes)
PHASE 3: Use Incantations and Exercise (15–30 Minutes or More)
SESSION 3: YOUR PERSONAL BLUEPRINT THE ULTIMATE PATH TO PLEASURE OR PAIN
In the first session of Inner Strength, we discussed how the parent of action is our decisions.
However, our decisions are controlled moment to moment by our state and by our Blueprint.
In Session 2 of Inner Strength, you learned how to get into the habit of evaluating your Triad and conditioning yourself to experience the emotions you want, maximizing an empowering state, hence empowering yourself to make better decisions and gain further control over the quality of your life.
Now that you’ve listened to Personal Power and Get The Edge and really started applying the strategies to begin that process of transformation, we turn back to what ultimately controls your thoughts, feelings and emotions: your Blueprint.
BLUEPRINT: A DEEPER LOOK
When any stimulus in life happens, how do you know if it’s good or bad? How do you know if you should be angry or excited? How do you know if somebody just insulted you or teased you? When anything occurs, our minds have to decide how to respond. Whether we realize it or not, we’re constantly feeding our minds a detailed outline for why we do the things we do.
There are people who have endured incredible pain and suffering but are happy and feel more alive than others who have not had those same challenges. Why? Because they have a Blueprint that helps them find an empowering meaning behind anything that happens in life, even pain. Becoming conscious of your Blueprint gives you ultimate control to head in the direction you want to go instead of being subconsciously guided by values, beliefs or rules that aren’t serving you.
Sometimes, fine-tuning the schematics of your Blueprint may just require minor tweaks and adjustments to experience a truly fulfilling life. Other times, it may require going back to the drawing board altogether. But either way, you don’t have to be a master architect of the mind in order to create a Blueprint that works for you through good times or bad. You just need to take a closer look at the forces that impact your Blueprint.
THE THREE FORCES THAT CONTROL YOUR DESTINY
We judge whether or not we’re being punished or rewarded by life’s events based on our needs, beliefs and habitual emotions. The mind has to decipher: Is this the end or is this the beginning? Should I be angry about this situation, or should I be excited?
Unlocking the three forces that are moving you through life unconsciously, and redirecting these influences consciously, could change your life dramatically, eliminate pain, avoid unnecessary difficulties and give you more joy than you can imagine.
- THE DRIVING FORCE: THE 6 HUMAN NEEDS
Although we all have different Blueprints, different beliefs about different things, and can respond with different emotions to the same event, one thing we have in common is that we all have the same 6 Human Needs.
To review briefly from Personal Power, the 6 Human Needs are:
- Certainty: to be comfortable, avoid pain and have some level of consistency.
- Uncertainty: we need variety and change to feel alive.
- Significance: the need to feel unique, special and important.
Love and Connection: to give and receive affection and support from others.
Growth: to become more, break through stagnation. We either grow or die.
Contribution: to give beyond ourselves.
Although every single person has the same 6 Human Needs, not everybody places the same importance on the same needs. If you put more emphasis on certainty, you’re going to look at life completely differently than if you think the center of life is contribution.
Focusing more on any of the 6 Human Needs than the others is neither right nor wrong, but that focus will either create different opportunities and different problems, depending on where you are in your current Life Conditions. If you emphasize significance, giving it priority in your Blueprint may cause a conflict in the area of love and connection.
Additionally, the greater the difference is between your Life Conditions and your Blueprint, the greater the difference will be in your pleasure or satisfaction with the areas that you value most.
If you can pinpoint which needs you value most in practice—that is, which needs you strive to fulfill operationally in your everyday actions—and the needs you truly value most but may not consciously strive for, you can then close the gap and match your Blueprint with your Life Conditions.
THE THREE FORCES THAT CONTROL YOUR DESTINY
- THE GUIDING FORCE: MAP OF MEANING AND ACTION
Think of your belief system like a map. Your beliefs tell you how you get from where you are to where you want to be. Or you might think there’s a rule that says, “I’ve got to create the kind of relationship where there is always unconditional love,” or “I have to be aggressive, funny, giving,” etc.
We have a map or rulebook in our unconscious mind that guides us in how to meet our needs and hit our targets. This becomes the way we think we need to be in order to get what we want.
To change your life, you must value one of your other needs more than the top two you value now.
If one of your top two needs is love, learning to value another need more doesn’t mean that you don’t want love, or shouldn’t want it. But if your focus is, How can I GIVE love (which can meet the needs for significance, growth or contribution) instead of How do I GET love, you literally change the direction and, ultimately, the destination of your relationship or your life.
THE FUEL OF CHOICE: HABITUAL EMOTIONS
Whatever it is you say you really want, whether you really get there or not is all going to come down to the habit of emotion you get into most. If your habit of emotion is frustration, feeling like a failure or feeling like you’re not enough, that’s what you’ll unconsciously act out. However, if the habit of emotion you have is one of passion, determination, courage or playfulness, you’ve got a chance of getting the results you want.
Have you ever known someone who always finds a way to get upset or somebody who’s not really funny—but they think they are—and you find yourself laughing anyway because they’re having such a good time laughing at their own joke?
There’s a center of gravity emotionally that you come back to on a regular basis—in your relationship, in your career or with your kids or partner. You can make a billion dollars, but if the primary emotion that you feel all day long is frustration, boredom or fear, your life will be one of frustration, boredom and fear. The emotions we live with day to day control the quality of our life more than anything else.
The quality of your life is the quality of your emotions.
THE THREE P’S OF SUFFERING
Earlier we took a look at the formula for happiness, when Life Conditions equal your Blueprint.
Likewise, when Life Conditions are not equal to your Blueprint, then there will be unhappiness.
We also know that when we experience unhappiness, we have two real choices: change our Life Conditions, or change our Blueprint. But sometimes that sense of unhappiness becomes so internalized that it feels like there’s nothing you can do to change anything. That’s when unhappiness reaches a peak and turns into suffering.
Suffering is when Life Conditions don’t equal your Blueprint of how things should be, and you feel like you have no control to change it.
Psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D., defined suffering as a form of learned helplessness. When you feel helpless—especially if you don’t normally think of yourself as a helpless person—that feeling intensifies the suffering. The truth is there are no victims—there are only volunteers. However, the feeling of suffering comes from three aspects:
You think the problem is permanent. No problem is permanent. No matter how big the problem is, no matter how intense it seems, it’s going to have an end. It may not end when you want, and it may not end the way you expected, but it will end. We do not always have control over life conditions, but the illusion that we can control everything except meaning is what makes us suffer.
You think the problem is pervasive. “Because this relationship is messed up, my whole life is messed up. Because my finances are in ruin, everything is over.” No problem is pervasive. It just looks that way because you keep saying it’s pervasive. Whatever the problem is, it doesn’t have to affect everything. As long as you are alive, the problem is not permanent. Again, we go back to meaning.
You think the problem is personal. “It’s something wrong with me. There’s a character defect in me. It’s just the way I am.” When you think it’s the way you are, you are not going to change it because you don’t think you can. It’s an identity issue.
No problem is permanent. No problem is pervasive. No problem is personal. It’s just a matter of shifting your Blueprint. A Blueprint can change. Everyone has had some beliefs years ago that they would have fought for, which in hindsight would be almost an embarrassment to admit today.
Blueprints change all the time, and you can accelerate that change and eliminate suffering by getting clear about where your Blueprint is strong, where it’s the essence of who you are versus something that you’ve practiced and adapted, where it’s meeting your needs and where it’s not. You can make empowering choices, change the conditions or change your Blueprint—so you are no longer controlled by something that you were previously unaware of.
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find by Amir Levin and Rachel Heller
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Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment by Amir Levin and Rachel Heller
The attachment theory is one of the most popular and useful psychological models, describing how people react in relationships when they get emotionally upset or something doesn’t go according to their expectations; and that happens in every relationship sooner or later.
The premise of the book is that your significant other is greatly responsible for your happiness in the relationship. The big misconception out there about relationships is that your happiness should come from within and is not dependent on your intimate partner or other people close to you.
Research shows that that’s very far from the truth, that your well-being is indeed your partner’s responsibility but also vice versa – that your partner’s well-being is your responsibility.
- Maybe it sounds very promising that the ideal relationship is one between two self-sufficient people, who unite in a mature, respectful way while maintaining clear boundaries;
- it might sound logical and reasonable that being dependent on other people violates your independency and autonomy;
- you might strive to be strong enough to not let your inner peace be disturbed by the people close to you, but all these things are tasks in vein.
- These beliefs all sound good, but they are not how relationships work.
The suitable explanation for these misconceptions lies exactly in the attachment theory. Research has shown that when you become attached to someone, you form one psychological unit.
You are no longer separate entities, and the influence of one on the other even happens on the biological level, namely to the point of mutual regulation of blood pressure, heart rate, breathing, and hormones.
When two people form an intimate relationship, they not only regulate each other’s biological states but also, even more importantly, each other’s psychological and emotional well-being.
When you form a close relationship with someone, mutual dependency takes place. It always does. Which kind of dependency takes place is the subject of four different attachment styles.
The main message of the book is that if you want to become independent, happy and fulfilled in life, while being in a relationship, your main job is to find the right person to depend on.
Because if your partner is unable to meet your basic (attachment) needs, you experience a chronic sense of disquiet and suffer from constant tension.
That can have serious consequences for your emotional well-being and even physical health. That’s why it’s so important to understand your attachment style and the attachment style of people close to you, especially your spouse.
All happiness or unhappiness solely depends upon the quality of the object to which we are attached by love. – Baruch Spinoza
There are at least four different benefits of knowing about the attachment style theory and its implications, described in the book very well:
- You can gain a much better understanding of yourself and how you function in relationships
- You can develop a healthier attachment style if you suffer from a toxic one
- You get the framework to better choose the right people to get involved in relationship with
- You acquire the knowledge to help your spouse be more constructive in relationship
THE FOUR DIFFERENT ATTACHMENT STYLES AND HOW THEY GET DEVELOPED
The patterns of attachment that people express towards those they are close to in adulthood tend to be very similar to the patterns of attachment they had with their caretakers in their youth. The reason for that is quite straightforward.
When a child is born, they’re completely helpless and dependent on their caretakers (most often parents). And every child has needs that should be met in a timely, judicious manner. If that happens, the child feels safe and lovable. If the child’s needs aren’t met s/he feels abandoned.
Based on how well a child’s needs were met, different attachment styles are developed. The attachment style is a blueprint for how we survive/thrive in adult relationships, based on what we have learned about relationships and attachment being fully dependent on our caretakers.
Your dominant attachment style tends to influence:
- How you view intimacy and togetherness
- How you deal with conflict
- Your attitude towards sex
- Ability to communicate your wishes and needs
- What kind of expectations you have towards your partner and the relationship
Your attachment style greatly defines how happy, fulfilled and successful you’ll be in relationships and in general.
We know four different attachment styles, one healthy and three toxic ones. The four different attachment styles are:
- Secure Attachment Style – Consistent response to the child’s needs: If you have the secure attachment style, you usually feel comfortable with intimacy and have no problem being warm and loving.
- Anxious Attachment Style – Inconsistent response to the child’s needs: If you have the anxious attachment style, you greatly crave intimacy deep down, which is shown in neediness, preoccupation with the relationship and worry about people close to you loving you back.
- Avoidant Attachment Style – Rigid or distant response to the child’s needs: If you have the avoidant attachment style, you experience intimacy and closeness with other people ( or dependency, in other words) as a loss of personal independence and autonomy. That leads to behavior that minimizes closeness with other people.
- Disorganized Attachment Style (Anxious – Avoidant): This is a rather rare attachment style that exhibits elements of both unhealthy attachment styles mentioned above.
If parents are sensitive, available and responsive to the child’s needs in general, the secure attachment style should be developed. If parents are inconsistently responsive, the anxious attachment style is developed.
And if parents are distant, rigid and unresponsive, the avoidant attachment style is usually developed.
Besides the upbringing environment, other factors such as genes, life experiences and early romantic relationships have a big influence on which attachment style becomes dominant in our lives.
If caretakers are sensitive and responsive to a child’s needs, the child will develop the secure attachment style – the child learns that s/he can rely on their parents and be confident that they’ll be available whenever s/he needs them. Well, an easy temperament of the child and positive marital satisfaction with social proper support improves the chances of the needs being met.
EVERYBODY NEEDS A RELATIONSHIP SECURE BASE AS A CHILD OR AN ADULT
It can be seen very early in children what kind of an attachment style they are developing. The attachment style is seen by the children’s exploratory drive and their ability to play and learn in the presence of the attachment figure, the caretaker (and without it).
A caretaker’s presence or departure can either arouse or stifle the child’s exploratory drive. Only if the attachment figure presents a secure base for the child does the child have the courage to go into a previously unknown environment and explore with confidence.
- Secure attachment in babies: Even though the baby is visibly distressed when the attachment figure leaves the room, they are very happy and eager to meet the caretaker when they get back. Once the attachment figure is present, they are quickly reassured, calmed down and resume with the play and exploration activities.
- Anxious attachment in babies: The baby becomes very distressed when the attachment figure leaves the room. When the attachment figure returns as the source of the secure base for them, they react ambivalently – they are happy and angry at the same time.
- Avoidant attachment in babies: When the attachment figure leaves the room, the baby acts as if nothing happened. When the caretaker comes back, the baby tends to ignore them and continue to play indifferently. But inside, the baby is not calm or collected, but very distressed.
The need for a secure base stays with us in adulthood. We all face challenges, difficulties and new situations in our adult lives. We need to be highly functional at work, inspired by our hobbies, and take care of our core relationships.
Only if we have a secure base in the relationships, can we take risks, be creative, and pursue our dreams. If we don’t have such a secure base, we have a much harder time maintaining focus and engaging in life.
That’s why it’s impossible to be a separate entity in relationships. You need to be dependent on others as a secure base in order to explore the world and go after your goals.
In childhood, and adult relationships, you need to be attached to people who present a secure base to you. You need to be backed by someone who is supportive and whom you can rely on and turn to in times of need.
As an interesting fact, around 50% of people are secure, 20% are anxious, 25% are avoidant, and around 3 to 5% suffer from a disorganized attachment style.
Nevertheless, we all tend to have one dominant attachment style. That’s because the need for close relationships is embedded in our genes. It’s a biological fact, impossible to escape.
GETTING ATTACHED TO OTHER PEOPLE IS WIRED IN YOUR GENES, SO THERE’S NO ESCAPE FROM ATTACHEMENT
We are programmed by evolution to single out a few individuals in our lives and make them precious and close to us. We’ve been bred to be dependent on a significant other, and these needs start in the womb and end when we die.
But why is that so? The attachment or dependency on others provided a survival advantage, because people who relied only on themselves were an easier prey.
Being close to people, especially to a partner, was a matter of life and death in prehistoric times. Forging close relationships was and thus still is an absolute necessity as such.
Even our brains have developed a biological mechanism that is responsible for creating and regulating connections with different attachment figures during our lifetime – parents, children, romantic partners and relatives.
This mechanism, which we call the attachment system, is a set of emotions and behaviors that drives us to stay close to our loved ones in order to stay safe and protected. To have a secure base.
The interdependency in close relationships goes extremely far. Attached and dependent people become one physiological unit. If one reacts, the other reacts, if one’s upset, it also makes the other upset.
The significant other is part of you, and you are part of them, so you will do anything to save him or her. Such a vested interest in the well-being of another person presented a very important survival advantage for both people involved in the relationship. You watch my back, I watch yours.
That all makes sense, but the main question in all this is: where do the insecure attachment styles come from then? If the environment is fairly safe, being attached to a few people close to you did make sense in the jungle.
But in a very dangerous and hostile environment (wars, diseases, catastrophes etc.), it sometimes made sense not to invest time and energy in just one or a few people, because they would likely not be around for too long.
It made sense to be less attached and move on when they passed away. That’s where the avoidant attachment style comes from.
The second option in the hostile environment was to be intensely persistent and hypervigilant about staying close to the attachment figure, making sure they didn’t abandon you or leave you alone.
Your survival was too dependent on somebody else, even in adulthood. That’s where the anxious attachment style comes from. That means there must be a fairly safe (home) environment provided to the offspring for the secure attachment style to be developed, even though we don’t live in the jungle anymore.
- Relatively stable, secure and warm environment -> Secure attachment style
- Hostile, toxic or dangerous environment -> Insecure attachment style
Your brains are wired to look for closeness and proximity. Period. Being attached to other people (and being dependent on them) is one of your very basic needs, and you can’t be happy in life, if you don’t find a way to fulfill it.
Getting attached literally means that you seek constant support from and closeness to your partner. If they fail to reassure you with their physical and psychological proximity, you are programmed to continue your attempts to achieve closeness, until you get the proper response from the other party.
These things are written in your genes. The attachment style is a big part of who you are and how you act in relationships. Now let’s look more closely at different attachment styles.
THE ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE
With the anxious attachment style, relationships tend to consume a large part of someone’s emotional energy. That’s because people with the anxious attachment style can easily get upset.
They tend to be extremely sensitive to fluctuations in relationships and their partner’s mood, since they take things in relationships too personally.
The main characteristics of the anxious attachment style are that a person craves intimacy and closeness, but they also have a lot of insecurities about the relationships and many little things their partner does set them off.
If you find yourself in the statements below, you probably possess the anxious attachment style:
- You worry that your partner will stop loving you
- You’re afraid people will not like the real you once they get to know you
- When you’re not in a relationship you feel anxious and incomplete
- When your partner is away, you’re afraid they’ll get interested in somebody else
- When you express your feelings, you’re afraid your partner won’t feel the same
- You tend to think about your relationships a lot
- You usually get attached to a romantic partner very quickly
- You are very sensitive to your partner’s moods
- You’re afraid that you won’t find somebody else if your partner leaves you
- During a conflict, you tend to react impulsively and say things that you later regret
- You very often worry that you’re not attractive enough
- You get depressed if somebody you like checks out other people
- If your partner begins to act cold or distant, you worry that you have done something wrong
- If your partner tried to break up with you, you would make try to make them jealous
- You suffer the Mr. Nice Guy Syndrome
The anxious ones want a lot of closeness in their relationships, they like a great deal of physical contact, but they have many insecurities. The insecurities can be expressed in the interest in partner’s exes, their sexual past, and where they stand compared to them.
The anxious types usually try very hard to please people in relationships and become very unhappy when they don’t have a spouse. That’s because they often feel that something is wrong with them (they suffer from deep feelings of shame). Sometimes they play games to keep the interest alive, like playing hard to get.
They have a hard time not making things in relationships about themselves, and they easily act out instead of focusing on solving problems. They are usually very suspicious about unfaithfulness, and are preoccupied with the relationship in general.
But where does the anxiety comes from? People with the anxious attachment style possess a unique ability to sense when a relationship is threatened.
Even the slightest hint that something is wrong activates the attachment system, which can’t be calmed down until there is a clear indication and reassurance from the partner that the relationship is safe.
People with the secure attachment style don’t react to such small subtleties. The anxious ones are more vigilant to changes in others’ emotional expressions and have a higher degree of sensitivity to other people’s cues.
The problem is that people with anxious attachment might really sense the interrelation hints earlier, but they also tend to jump to conclusions very quickly, and usually misinterpret people’s emotional states.
In their conclusions, the reality of relationships is much darker than it actually is.
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The main goal of the anxious attachment system, when activated, is to reestablish closeness with the partner. The thoughts and feelings that compel a person to reestablish closeness with others are called activating strategies.
Activating strategies compel you to get close to your partner in the physical or emotional sense. Once you get the repose and the security is reestablished, the attachment style is calmed down and you can revert back to your normal, calm self.
The more times the reassurance is not established, the more aggressive the anxious attachment system becomes.
Practical examples of how the anxious attachment system and activating strategies work are the following:
- You think a lot about your partner
- You have a hard time concentrating on other things
- You put your partner on a pedestal
- You want to be with your significant other all the time
- You believe you won’t have another chance in life
- You might stay in the relationship even if you’re unhappy
If the insecurities are not calmed down in a timely and respectful manner (with a text, call, hug, kiss, sex, honest conversation etc.) the anxious attachment system triggers protest behavior.
Examples of protest behaviors, shown as neediness or attention seeking, are:
- Excessive communication: Sending text messages, showing up at your partner’s workplace etc.
- Withdrawing: Giving the silent treatment, turning your back on your partner etc.
- Keeping score: Measuring how much you invest in the relationship compared to your partner (for example, how often you call compared to them)
- Acting hostile: Rolling eyes when they speak, using sarcasm, etc.
- Threats to leave the relationship, making the partner jealous or other types of manipulations
RELATIONSHIP TIPS FOR PEOPLE WITH THE ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE
If you have the anxious attachment style, there are a few very important precautions and actions to take when you’re dating:
- Acknowledge and accept your relationship needs. If your needs are not met in a relationship, you can’t be truly happy. After you understand your needs, learn to express them. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind.
- For the anxious attachment style, it’s also very important to develop the abundance mindset. You must become aware that there are many unique and wonderful potential people out there who can be superb partners to you. You must see clearly how you provide value in relationships.
- Don’t jump into relationships: With the anxious attachment style, you tend to get attached really quickly. One passionate kiss and you might be madly in love, craving the other person. When that happens, you need to calm down and remind yourself that you must first get to know the person. You must trick your attachment system into being easier to you.
- Don’t let your concerns escalate: Anxious individuals see relationships as something fragile and unstable, something that can collapse at any moment. Even a small concern can escalate quickly, causing a concentration of negative thoughts, which escalate to an explosive, accusatory, critical or threatening style of communication. Thus, it’s helpful to recognize small emotional upsets early and explain them to your partner openly and honestly.
THE AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE
We’re all usually impressed with digital nomads, lonesome travelers and explorers who travel the world, without any need to settle down and commit to anything.
But these people usually suffer from the avoidant attachment style, where they fight hard to keep people at a distance, even if they are in a serious relationship.
The astonishing free spirit is unfortunately usually just a defensive stance, letting avoidant types quickly break down when they face tougher life circumstances. But first things first.
The avoidant type individuals experience relationships as jailtime, especially when they get too close to people. Thus, they tend to maintain their independence and self-sufficiency.
As everybody, avoidants also want to be close to people, but keep them at an arm’s length instead. Usually, avoidants don’t care much about romantic relationships or being rejected. They also don’t like to open up in relationships, and tend to repress rather than express their emotions.
The main characteristics of the avoidant attachment style are that such people feel very uncomfortable when things get too close and intimate in relationships, freedom is more important to them than relationships, and they don’t worry much about their partner’s feelings or commitment towards them.
All these traits can be seen in behaviors below, which can also be hints that you possess the avoidant attachment style. Do you find yourself in the statements below?
- You bounce back quickly after a breakup and can quickly put anybody out of your mind
- You find it difficult to emotionally support your partner when they’re feeling down
- Your independence is more important to you than your relationship
- You prefer not to share your innermost feelings with your partner
- You have a very difficult time depending on your partner
- Many times, you feel angry or annoyed with your partner without knowing why
- You prefer casual sex with uncommitted partners to intimate sex with one person
- It makes you nervous when your partner gets too close to you
- Your partner wants to be more intimate than you feel comfortable being
- You miss your partner when you’re apart, but when you’re together you feel the need to escape
- You hate feeling that other people depend on you
- You’re relieved when somebody you like checks out other people, it means they don’t want to be exclusive
- When somebody you love acts cold and distant, you’re indifferent or maybe even relieved
- Sometimes when you get in a relationship that you thought you wanted, you’re not sure what you really want anymore
With avoidants, everyday interactions more or less become a negotiation for space and independence. Other people must somehow comply with their wishes, or they withdraw.
They tend to send mixed signals in relationships, they love to jokingly or sarcastically devaluate their partners, emphasize boundaries in relationships and have very unrealistic views of how the relationship should be.
They love to fantasize about the perfect partner they will meet some day or about sex with other people.
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Avoidant people tend to be very fearful of being taken advantage of, have several uncompromising rules, and either explode or go away in disagreements.
They don’t make their intentions clear, especially when it comes to their feelings, and consequently other people have difficulty knowing, much less talking about, what’s going on in the relationship.
People with the avoidant attachment style tend to end their relationships quite frequently – that’s also one of the reasons why so many avoidants can be found in the dating pool.
Avoidant people run to deactivating strategies in a relationship, namely creating more distance and detachment. Examples of such deactivating strategies are:
- Not being prepared to commit, even years after being together with somebody
- Focusing on small imperfections in their partner
- Daydreaming about the phantom ex or idealistic future partner, just around the corner
- Flirting with others
- Not expressing feelings toward other people
- Pulling away when things are going well
- Forming relationships with an impossible future (e.g. somebody married)
- Keeping secrets and leaving things foggy
- Avoiding physical closeness
After the deactivation strategy creates enough distance in the relationship, the attraction and the desire for closeness comes back. The crisis ends when a safe distance is created, the threat of intimacy is gone, and there is no longer the need to suppress the avoidant’s true feelings.
RELATIONSHIP TIPS FOR PEOPLE WITH THE AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE
Avoidants usually can’t change their attachment style without therapy and a true experience of a healthy dependent relationship. The best thing avoidants can do on their own is to learn to recognize the deactivation strategies, find a secure partner, and focus on mutual support.
Some other tips for avoidants from the book are:
- Exclusive self-reliance (bad) does not equal independence (good): It’s important for everybody to be able to stand on their own two feet, but it’s also important to accept support from other people. Interdependence can be the most beautiful experience ever, if you depend on the right person. You can get joy from paying attention to needs of other people, and be part of something greater than yourself. Start with small steps, relying on small commitments of different people.
- Focus on the positives of your partner: People with the avoidant attachment style tend to rate their partner less positively than non-avoidants. They tend to find a small imperfection to dwell on in order to create distance in relationships. That means you have to constantly remind yourself about the positives of your partner. Making a relationship gratitude list can be very beneficial.
- Learn to read between the lines: Avoidant individuals usually have a hard time reading relationship cues – thoughts, feelings and needs of their partners. That’s why as the avoidant, you must become aware of the tendencies to misinterpret behaviors. Practice straightforward communication and put some effort into reading the cues of how other people are feeling.
- Stop hallucinating about the perfect ex: There are no perfect relationships, so as the avoidant you must nix the phantom ex, forget about “the one”, and find a secure individual worth committing to. Having hobbies in common with your spouse, to get a little bit distracted, can also prove very beneficial.
- Communicate your needs: Communicate your need for some space effectively, and find a way of doing so that’s acceptable to your spouse. Find a way to satisfy your own needs, while also satisfying your partner’s needs.
THE SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE
For the lucky people with the secure attachment style, warm and loving relationships come naturally. They enjoy being intimate without being overly worried about the partner or relationship itself.
They can truly enjoy relationships, not getting too upset about small relationship matters. The important skill of the secures is that they know how to effectively communicate their needs and feelings in a relationship and are strong at responding to their partner’s needs.
The statements to identify the secure attachment style:
- You find it easy to be affectionate with your partner
- You feel comfortable depending on romantic partners
- You are generally satisfied with your relationships
- You don’t feel the need to act out much in your relationships
- You have no problem expressing your needs and want to other people
- You believe most people are essentially honest and dependable
- You’re comfortable sharing your personal thoughts and feelings with your partner
- An argument with your partner doesn’t cause you to question the entire relationship
- Sometimes people see you as boring because you create little drama in relationships
- When you disagree with someone, you have no problem expressing your opinion
- If somebody you like checks out other people, you might feel a pang of jealousy, but it’s fleeting
- If a partner starts to act cold and distant, you wonder what’s happened, but you know it’s probably not about you
- If somebody breaks up with you, you get hurt at first, but you know you’ll get over it
- You won’t have much of a problem staying in touch with your ex in a platonic way, since you have a lot in common
Secure people are reliable and consistent, make decisions together with their partner and stay flexible in how they view the relationship. They are most often great communicators, can reach compromise during arguments, and don’t view relationships as hard work.
They are not afraid of commitment and dependency, and closeness leads to even further closeness in their life. On top of that, they have no problem naturally expressing feelings towards people they love and they avoid relationship games.
Relationship research shows that people tend to become more secure when they are in a relationship with somebody secure.
Secure people also have relationship problems and issues in life. But they see relationship problems as opportunities to get closer and deepen their bond. Don’t get fooled into thinking that perfect relationships don’t have any arguments.
What’s important when it comes to conflict is to show basic concern for the well-being of your partner, maintain the focus on the problem, refrain from generalizing the conflict, avoid blame, be willing to engage in a discussion and effectively communicate your needs and feelings, without the conflict getting out of control. And that’s what secure people know how to do very well.
THE DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT STYLE
This very rare combination is a mixture of the anxious and avoidant attachment styles, also referred to as the disorganized style. People with the disorganized style are both uncomfortable with
intimacy and closeness and at the same time extremely concerned about their partner’s availability.
The disorganized attachment style gets developed especially among children who experienced severe stress or even abuse, which led to a situation where a person has no consistent strategy for responding to separation and reunion.
WHEN PEOPLE WITH DIFFERENT ATTACHMENT STYLE DATE EACH OTHER
You only have a 50/50 chance of dating somebody with the secure attachment style or being lucky enough to enjoy having one. By far the best experience in a relationship is if both parties possess the secure attachment style.
The second-best option is if at least one of the partners has the secure attachment style (if the person is strong enough not to be drawn into the insecurities of the other partner). That brings at least some stability in the relationship and the insecure type can learn from the secure one.
The avoidant attachment style is often equated with masculinity, and the anxious attachment style with femininity. That leads to a very common avoidant-anxious relationship trap.
If the two avoidant types meet, they rarely stay together. There just isn’t not enough glue. The hardest combination is when one person is avoidant and the other one is anxious – frequently called the anxious‑avoidant trap.
The avoidants easily intensify worries and feelings of inadequacy of the anxious ones. The problem is that anxious people (especially women) love to date avoidant people (men). That’s because each party gets a reaffirmation of their belief system about themselves and the relationship.
- Why are avoidants attracted to anxious individuals? They get a chance to reassure their self‑perception that they are strong and independent, and that other people only try to chain them with closeness.
- Why are anxious individuals attracted to avoidants? They get a chance to reassure their belief that they are always let down by people in their lives and that nobody wants to fulfill their need for intimacy.
What seems like excitement, passion and real love in this combination in the beginning, is only an over‑stimulated attachment system that soon leads to a lot of emotional drama. The anxious person gets mixed messages that lead to a preoccupation with the relationship and a thrill. At least in the beginning.
Especially anxiously attached people tend to associate the calm attachment system with boredom and indifference, which is obviously not the case. The main trick in this scenario is to not get hooked on the highs and lows, and mistake the attachment system for passion or love.
CAN YOU GO FROM AN INSECURE TO A SECURE ADULT ATTACHMENT STYLE?
We often rely on the common deceitful belief that love conquers all. That’s a big utopia.
Not only does true love need constant hard work (based on the growth mindset), understanding different attachment styles and how they force us to behave in relationships is mandatory for love to thrive, especially if you or your significant other don’t enjoy the secure attachment style.
Proper awareness and hard work conquer all, not some miracle or love. So, what can you do when both parties in a relationship don’t possess the secure attachment style?
First of all, it’s good to know that attachment styles are stable, but plastic. That means you can definitely greatly influence your dominant attachment style.
Research shows that one in four people change their attachment style in a few years’ period, without even being aware of the transition happening and knowing nothing about the attachment theory.
With proper knowledge, the transition can thus be that much faster. The best way to positively influence your attachment style is to have an experience of the attachment with somebody secure.
The dependency paradox: The more efficiently you are dependent on other people, the more daring and independent you become. You are only as needy as your unmet needs.
WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR CHILDREN TO DEVELOP THE SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE
An important point to take note of from the book is to make sure you do everything in your power for your children to develop the safe attachment style. The initial relationship a child forms with the caretaker has a great role in what type of an attachment style will be developed.
As mentioned, there are many other factors, such as the child’s temperament, general social support, levels of stress in a caretaker’s life, early romantic experiences, and so on. But the initial relationship does matter.
The best thing you can do as a parent to help your child develop the secure attachment style is to:
- Be available: Respond to a child’s needs in a timely and respective manner, allow them to be dependent when they need it and provide comfort when things go wrong.
- Don’t interfere: Don’t micromanage your child, take over the situation they have to face or undermine their confidence and abilities. Leave them the initiative and the feeling of power and provide behind‑the‑scenes support.
- Encourage: Provide proper encouragement, be accepting of their learning, development, and personal growth. Whenever possible, try to boost their self-esteem and provide praise, especially when they achieve something with effort, not because of an innate ability (the growth mindset praise).
One of the strong predictors of the secure type being developed in a child is if the caretaker has some kind of a sixth sense, and intuitively knows when the child needs to be held or comforted.
Great caretakers know how to respond before the child’s emerging distress escalates and becomes a full-blown fit. But if that happens, your job as a caretaker is to find a way to soothe the baby as quickly as possible.
This book can really change the quality of your relationships and understanding of yourself and others. There are many additional examples and recommendations in the book (how to manage conflicts, improve relationships with avoidants etc.), so I definitely recommend you to buy and read it!
Gary Vaynerchuk Best Quotes
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Always put your money back into your business.
As long as you’re working for someone else you will never be living entirely true to yourself and your passion.
Authenticity is key.
Be aggressively kind! If you are really happy inside – share that shit. Cause the angry are better at expressing it and it’s time we change that.
Before you invest in yourself, you have to invest in your long-term future.
Being yourself is so much easier. Who are you trying to impress?
Bet on your strengths. It’s an underrated business strategy in a world where so many people are obsessed with fixing their weaknesses they give short shrift to the skills they were born with.
Changing your mind is a strength.
Commit to ignoring every single voice that threatens to undermine you.
Developing your personal brand is the same thing as living and breathing your résumé.
Doing always beats thinking, the end.
Don’t create “fake environments” for your kids. They’ll fall hard later in life.
Don’t ever let your circumstances determine your outcome. You are bigger and better than that. You can always control your own destiny. Use what you’ve got, find what you don’t, and make your dreams come true.
Don’t waste energy. Focus on what you control. Not what you wish you controlled.
Effort is grossly underrated.
Even if your ambitions are huge, start slow, start small, build gradually, build smart.
Every interaction matters. Every relationship has value.
Everybody wants it fast and easy but in their actions they’re slow.
Giving more than you take is an incredible way to get.
Happiness over flashiness – stop the confusion.
Here’s the deal: if you want it badly enough the money is there, the success is there, and the fulfilment is there. All you have to do is take it. So quit whining, quit crying, quit with the excuses. If you already have a full-time job, you can get a lot done between 7pm and 2am.
How can you give a fuck what people think when they don’t have the full picture? And more importantly, how can you judge someone when you don’t have the full picture?
How you make your money is more important than how much you make.
I think the biggest mistake we make, is we hope who we are, instead of auditing who we are.
I’m just always looking forward. I spend very little time, looking backward.
Ideas are worthless without the execution; execution is pointless without the ideas.
If you live for weekends and vacations, your shit is broken.
If you’re good enough, no one is stopping you.
If you’re not 100 percent happy with your life today, it is never a waste of time to try something that could get you there.
It took thirty-eight years before 50 million people gained access to radios. It took television thirteen years to earn an audience that size. It took Instagram a year and a half.
It’s easy to dream about it… much harder to execute it. Work!
It’s not about how much sleep you get. It’s what you do when you’re awake.
It’s possible. The question is are you hungry enough and willing to fucking eat shit, or are you soft?
Life shrinks and expands on the proportion of your willingness to take risks and try new things.
Limit your time with people who see the downside of every situation.
Live your passion. What does it mean anyway? It means that when you get up for work every morning, every single morning, you are pumped because you get to talk about or work with or do the thing that interests you the most in the world.
Looking backwards fucks with your neck.
Losing and winning both matter! Don’t protect against them.
Make happiness louder.
Money follows eyeballs. Money goes where people go – where there is an audience, advertisers are eager to follow.
No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story.
No matter where you start, how you finish is on you.
Nobody gives a fuck about your feelings.
Nobody owes you shit.
Nothing great should be easy.
Once you are happy for people instead of envious, you can start the process of getting to a happy place.
Opportunity lies in transparency.
Passion is an unmatched fuel. Add being happy to that and you have a wonderful formula for good health.
Patience is the secret sauce.
People are better at creating ceiling for themselves than any outside force.
People are chasing cash, not happiness. When you chase money, you’re going to lose. You’re just going to. Even if you get the money, you’re not going to be happy.
People lose because they want things fast. When life is long.
Plan your future now. If you don’t plan ahead and decide where you want to go, you’re in big trouble.
Quality is a tremendous filter. Cream always rises, no matter how many cups of coffee you pour.
Relationships are leverage. If you give value to someone else first, you have leverage.
Share three characteristics: A commitment to service A desire to provide value A love of teaching.
Shit changes …. get used to it.
Skills are cheap, passion is priceless.
Slow down the macro (you got time in life)…speed up the micro (get more done daily).
Smart work will never replace hard work, it only supplements it.
Speed is the ROI of not caring what people think.
Stop buying dumb shit to make people you don’t even like think you’re doing well.
Stop focusing on dumb shit. Don’t be afraid to break things. Don’t be romantic. Don’t take the time to breathe. Don’t aim for perfect. And whatever you do, keep moving.
Stop judging yourself, so many beating themselves up, did you try as hard as you could? Did you have good intent? Good, you won.
The ability to not care about anybody else’s opinions is the singular gateway to happiness.
The best marketing strategy ever, CARE
The biggest asset in the world is your mindset.
The main thing is realizing that even if you feel terrible for a while, that’s not how you’re going to feel the whole time. . . . Things change if you just keep moving.
The reason why people have not tried to follow their dreams, is fear of judgement.
There are people that work more on upgrading their phones than upgrading their minds.
There is no perfect decision, there’s just life.
There’s not a single winner on the earth that took it easy.
There’s nothing passive about building wealth. There is no fucking system. There is no fucking shortcut. It’s a fucking marathon.
There’s no such thing as perfect. Chasing ”Perfect” is the shortest road to not achieving it.
Too many people “want things” but aren’t willing to take a step backwards and pay the price associated with their ambition. They lack the humility and patience for happiness and success.
Too many people are scared to share their visions and thoughts in public or even in board-rooms. Having a strong vision is important for your personal brand. Don’t be afraid to say what you think. Ever. That said, don’t forget to listen, either.
Unless you truly love what you do, someone else will love it more and be more successful.
Wake up before everybody else and work into the night.
Wanna be happy? Have zero expectations of others.
Watch what I do, not what I say.
We are in control of the one asset that we all give the most f*cks about, and that is time.
We lack patience, which leads to shit behavior because you’re looking for a quick score.
We only get to play this game one time. We have one life.
When it comes down to it, nothing trumps execution.
When you do what you love, you’re consistent as fuck.
When you realize how unimportant you are to 99.999999999% of people, their judgment losses weight. They aren’t worried about you, they have their own shit.
When you stay in your lane and speak about things you’ve lived and have done, it tends to work out.
Whoever is the best communicator will win.
Without hustle, your talent will only get you so far.
Work. That’s how you get it.
You are not patient enough. Your lack of patience is killing you and your need of things is killing you.
You aren’t guaranteed to win, but you are guaranteed an “at bat” and that makes this world we live in fucking amazing!
You can do better so long as you’re willing to live and breathe your passion. Do that, and you’ll no longer differentiate between your work life and your personal life. You’ll just live, and love doing it.
You can’t be the best at something in the world… passively.
You can’t read up on doing pushups.
You didn’t grow up driving…you figured it out.
You don’t defeat hate with hate, you defeat hate with love at scale.
You don’t want what your friends want, so why the fuck would you care?
You have to understand your own personal DNA. Don’t do things because I do them or Steve Jobs or Mark Cuban tried it. You need to know your personal brand and stay true to it.
You just have to make the choice to actually do it. I am so tired of excuses. Why not try something new? Be optimistic, exhibit patience, shut your mouth, and execute.
You may not have connections, or an education, or wealth, but with enough passion and sweat, you can make anything happen.
You move fast when you don’t pay attention to judgement.
You’re going to go through a time where you’re not going to make any money. It’s not going to be a week, it’s not going to be a month, it’s not going to be one year. It’s going to be years. And during that time, if you don’t love what you do, it’s going to be very hard to stick it out.
You’re gonna die. Do something about it.
You’re not lost. You’re just early in the process.
Your dreams don’t have to be “big” they have to be yours.
Your legacy is being written by yourself. Make the right decisions.
The Science of Being Well by Wallace D. Wattles
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The Science of Being Well by Wallace D. Wattles
Introduction: In “The Science of Being Well,” Wallace D. Wattles delivers a profound treatise on the principles of health and well-being, unveiling timeless insights that transcend the boundaries of time and culture. As we embark on this journey of exploration, we will delve deeper into Wattles’ philosophy, examining the intricate interplay between mind, body, and spirit, and uncovering practical strategies for achieving optimal health and vitality.
Chapter 1: The Creative Power of Thought At the core of Wattles’ teachings lies the revolutionary concept of the creative power of thought. He posits that our thoughts possess a dynamic energy that shapes our reality, including our physical health. Wattles challenges readers to recognize the profound influence of their thoughts on their well-being, urging them to harness this creative power to manifest health and vitality in their lives.
Drawing parallels to contemporary theories of neuroplasticity and the mind-body connection, Wattles’ insights resonate with modern understandings of the brain’s remarkable ability to rewire itself in response to thoughts and experiences. Through practices such as visualization, affirmation, and mindfulness, Wattles empowers readers to reprogram their minds for health and wholeness.
Chapter 2: The Mind-Body-Spirit Connection Wattles transcends the conventional dichotomy between mind and body, presenting a holistic framework that acknowledges the interconnectedness of all aspects of our being. He argues that true well-being arises from nurturing the mind, body, and spirit in harmony, rather than treating them as separate entities. Wattles’ holistic perspective anticipates the integrative approach of modern medicine, which recognizes the interdependent relationship between psychological, physiological, and spiritual factors in health and healing.
Through anecdotes, illustrations, and practical exercises, Wattles guides readers on a journey of self-discovery, encouraging them to explore the deep connections between their thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. By cultivating self-awareness and mindfulness, readers can develop a deeper understanding of their inner landscape and unlock the keys to lasting well-being.
Chapter 3: The Principles of Well-Being Wattles provides readers with a comprehensive blueprint for achieving optimal health, outlining practical principles that encompass nutrition, exercise, rest, and mental attitude. He emphasizes the importance of adopting a balanced lifestyle that honors the body’s innate wisdom and supports its natural healing processes.
Wattles’ dietary recommendations advocate for a return to simplicity, emphasizing the importance of whole, natural foods that nourish the body and promote vitality. He encourages readers to cultivate a mindful approach to eating, savoring each bite and listening to their body’s signals of hunger and satiety. Wattles’ emphasis on the quality of food and its impact on health foreshadows contemporary movements promoting organic, locally sourced, and plant-based diets.
Exercise, Wattles contends, is essential not only for physical fitness but also for mental and emotional well-being. He encourages readers to find joy in movement, whether through structured exercise routines or activities that bring pleasure and fulfillment. Wattles’ holistic approach to fitness aligns with modern research highlighting the myriad benefits of regular physical activity, from improving cardiovascular health to reducing stress and anxiety.
Rest and relaxation, Wattles argues, are equally crucial components of well-being, allowing the body to rejuvenate and replenish its energy reserves. He advises readers to prioritize sleep and downtime, creating a sanctuary for restorative rest in the midst of life’s demands. Wattles’ insights into the importance of rest align with contemporary recommendations for sleep hygiene and stress management, which emphasize the critical role of adequate rest in promoting overall health and resilience.
Chapter 4: The Power of Faith and Belief Faith and belief emerge as potent forces in Wattles’ exploration of well-being, serving as catalysts for healing and transformation. He contends that a strong belief in one’s ability to be well is essential for realizing health, transcending the limitations of the physical body and aligning with the infinite intelligence of the universe.
Wattles challenges readers to cultivate unwavering faith in the body’s innate capacity for healing, trusting in the wisdom of the body-mind-spirit complex to restore balance and wholeness. Through anecdotes and examples, he illustrates the transformative power of belief in overcoming illness and adversity, inspiring readers to cultivate a deep sense of trust in the benevolent forces at work within and around them.
While some may dismiss faith as mere wishful thinking, Wattles’ insights invite us to consider the profound impact of belief on our perceptions, experiences, and outcomes. Drawing upon principles of quantum physics and metaphysics, Wattles unveils a universe teeming with infinite possibilities, where the boundaries between thought and reality blur and miracles become possible.
Chapter 5: Embracing Personal Responsibility “The Science of Being Well” culminates in a call to action, urging readers to take ownership of their health and well-being. Wattles challenges readers to reject the role of passive bystanders in their own lives, instead empowering them to become active participants in the process of healing and transformation.
He emphasizes that good health is not a matter of luck or chance but the result of conscious choices and behaviors. By embracing personal responsibility and adopting healthy habits, readers can reclaim their power to shape their destinies and create lives of vibrant health and vitality.
Wattles’ message of empowerment echoes throughout the book, reminding readers that they possess within themselves the keys to unlock their full potential for well-being. Through disciplined practice and unwavering commitment, readers can harness the creative power of thought, cultivate a harmonious mind-body-spirit connection, and embrace a lifestyle that honors their innate capacity for health and wholeness.
Conclusion: In “The Science of Being Well,” Wallace D. Wattles offers readers a roadmap to the profound mysteries of health and well-being, unveiling a treasure trove of insights that transcend the limitations of time and space. As we journey through the pages of this timeless masterpiece, we discover not only practical strategies for achieving optimal health but also profound truths about the nature of reality and the power of the human spirit.
Wattles’ teachings resonate with the wisdom of the ages, echoing the timeless truths found in ancient spiritual traditions and modern scientific discoveries alike. Through his eloquent prose and penetrating insights, Wattles invites readers to embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery, empowering them to unlock their full potential for health, happiness, and wholeness.
As we apply the principles outlined in “The Science of Being Well” to our lives, we awaken to the miraculous potential that lies dormant within us, ready to be unleashed through the power of intention, faith, and action. In reclaiming our birthright to radiant health and vitality, we step into the fullness of our being, embracing a life of abundance, joy, and fulfillment.
Free to Focus: A Total Productivity System to Achieve More by Doing Less by Michael Hyatt
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Free to Focus: A Total Productivity System to Achieve More by Doing Less by Michael Hyatt
Everyone gets 168 hours a week, but it never feels like enough, does it? Work gobbles up the lion’s share–many professionals are working as much as 70 hours a week–leaving less and less for rest, exercise, family, and friends. You know, all those things that make life great.
Most people think productivity is about finding or saving time. But it’s not. It’s about making our time work for us. Just imagine having free time again. It’s not a pipe dream.
In Free to Focus, New York Times bestselling author Michael Hyatt reveals to readers nine proven ways to win at work so they are finally free to succeed at the rest of life–their health, relationships, hobbies, and more. He helps readers redefine their goals, evaluate what’s working, cut out the nonessentials, focus on the most important tasks, manage their time and energy, and build momentum for a lifetime of success.
Our way of efficiency is wrong.
Workdays are full of countless duties like joining the gatherings, doing speeches, putting down reports, and finishing projects. In any case, attempts of us are rarely sufficient. We may feel like a leaking ship, wildly pouring water over the side. We begin to go down when the water rises up. We begin to get into the legend of efficiency, in this minute. We believe we’ll be doing fine if we were able to work more speedy. Life cuts which are giving their words to get us a little more moments of time are beginning to be searched by us.
But if we overthink about tempo, it’ll reduce our efficiency. That is on the grounds that we attempt to accomplish more with our time, and waste whenever spared by packing more things into our flooding plans. Finding a speedier method to compose our everyday messages, for example, just methods we’ll begin setting up tomorrow’s messages sooner.
Also beginning to work extra innings to finish all jobs is another wrong way to raise efficiency. Occasionally we inform ourselves the overtime is short-term and stuff will be fine at the end, just to give reasons for this. But the truth’s in the reverse. The outcomes of some huge works searching the workplace efficiency are collected by Jack Nevison who is the creator of New Leaf Project Management. He discovered that working more than 55 hours every week is not that efficiency like working 50 hours or less is, because there are pressure and tiredness.
Our recent tales about efficiency are extreme and unskilled. That’s the reason we have to start to think of freedom, as a substitute for efficiency.
Liberty has many meanings. For instance, the liberty of focusing expresses discovering the time to focus and achieve continuous deep study. Giving more outcomes and requiring more mental work make it the hardest and key type of study. The deep study requires great focus and that’s why it is feasible for a restricted time every day.
The liberty of doing nothing is a more principal thing which is another aim of efficiency made by this. It may seem absurd, but our best plans come to our brain while it’s relaxed. Being efficiency over the week shows we achieve liberty of doing nothing in our time off, and that’s the time innovative juices sincerely start to flow
Organizing time for freshening is obligatory, isn’t an opulence.
We start to feel under pressure and stressful when our timetable begins to be full and our agenda becomes longer than to-buy lists. Busy times mean skipping dinner with a mate and less sleeping, for most of us. But not just does a stint on relaxing and free time harms our mental wellbeing, it’s also unsuccessful at all.
We think that time is supple and our power degrees endure unmoved all day – we believe our workday may be increased by 29 percent and we can succeed in 20 percent more. But time is constant just like power degrees are finite. We do our best in the morning while our brains are still fresh, we get unhurried and inefficiency after lunch. It’s the day to day evidence for the continuity of time, and focus and determination are endly things that must be filled up.
Recharging can’t be stinted on by us if we dream of boosting our focus and become more systematic and that’s another important of efficiency that sounds complicated. Our worn-out minds and bodies are freshened and dynamized by it. Sleeping is the keyway to recharging but it’s sometimes disregarded.
The point of efficiency is this. As David K. Randall mentions in his book named Dreamland, sleeplessness makes it harder to find an answer to issues, stay focused and think of a resolution. Like that, Penelope A. Lewis who is a neurobiologist writes in The Secret World that sleepless people rarely can produce new ideas.
Another victim in our limitless walk to efficiency is our communal lives. Close connections with people are necessary for our psychology because people are inborn socials. The family connection is one of the most principal ones and you shouldn’t leave alone this just for a job. When our special connections get worse, our energy, motivation, and brain wellbeing hurt – and this crashes our efficiency.
In the end, you shouldn’t see too low the ability of the game. The game mentions any delight venture tackle for the delight. Going on foot, drawing, fishing or just taking the children to the playground are also this. They are literally strong efficiency devices that may seem ineffective – basically, playing means you’re not studying on the last day. One of the greatest methods to revive your brain cells and focus your work is the games.
Recognizing not-needed duties is being efficient.
Plainly, time must be given from efficiency to you for recharging, and make you more focused and efficient, however, how can you attain this? Taking action as a gardener is included in the pace one.
To spare time, you have to trim away the needless undertakings in your workday. Doing less to be progressively beneficial is the most significant mystery to effectiveness even if it may appear to be odd. Efficiency isn’t tied in with accomplishing a greater amount of everything – it’s tied in with accomplishing a greater amount of the correct things. This implies distinguishing key assignments to concentrate on and cutting without end everything else.
You can distinguish the contender for disposal by evaluating your enthusiasm and capability for each errand. An abnormal state of inspiration that you bring to specific errands is about passion. Then again, ability implies that you’re gifted at the assignment and that this undertaking fundamentally adds to your work.
You’ll locate the best ones to remove by assessing your enthusiasm and capability for each assignment, – those undertakings that score low on both energy and capability. Maybe you’re bored with being requested by office supplies exhaust, and you generally fail to understand the situation at any rate. You may begin designating this to workers, in case you’re in an administration position.
Undertakings that you’re capable of however have no enthusiasm for can likewise be pruned. For instance, however, you may deal with your group’s quarterly spending plan effectively, but maybe gazing at numbers makes you sluggish for the remainder of the day. An unmistakable arrangement is enlisting a bookkeeper or CFO, in case you’re independently employed.
Undertakings that you want, yet not especially capable in, are trickier. These are simple diversions, however low capability implies that you’re not enhancing your organization by doing them yourself. In the event that you adore website architecture however haven’t tried it, you’re able to without much of a stretch end up getting impeded making new pages when a committed web designer could make them for you unquestionably more rapidly.
The most fun and special method of spending time are doing duties that you love and take pleasure in. You’ll be more efficient than you think before by making jobs with more pleasure in your leading brilliance and, gashing everything else.
You have to understand the ability of yes and no to be free about focusing.
Nowadays, working too hard and obligating is easy but taking the authority to high grade is hard. How can it be that some people lead to succeed in so much more than other ones in the same number of hours? Efficient people see the potential of no, and that’s a reason.
”No” can be said by people who are the masters of efficiency to needless duties like we got in the last division, and to appeals from their workmates and customers. They realize that on the off chance that they enabled them to, these assignments and solicitations could block all their time and vitality and keep them from concentrating on genuinely significant work.
Ending up far simpler when you comprehend that time is a lose-lose situation, and saying ”no” also like this. You can’t attach a couple of additional time to the day, or discover extra time to spare on the couch. Keep in mind that there are just 168 hours every week!
Yes-sayers who can’t ever say no have to recall that a no always hides somewhere behind yes. You don’t go for a run in the morning if you have breakfast with someone at 07:00 a.m. If you accept to work overtime, you can’t have a meal with your partner. When a person wants something from you, you have to keep this in the brain and behave stern to yourself. While you were thinking of working out, if someone wants you to reread their project, you should just tell them you are busy. It’s not a lie because you’re actually busy with yourself.
Another apparatus that can help ensure your time and boost profitability are rites. This implies building up little schedules during your time that structure your conduct. Giving you clearness for the day ahead or giving a conclusion on the day behind you are the best things about rites. Toward the beginning of the day, this clearness converts into work that objectives your pivotal objectives. At night, you will be left by the feeling of the conclusion substance and it will help you revive, prepared for a beneficial day the next day.
Once accepted, rites can save time and take just a little determination to perform, so, they are pretty functional.
The morning rite and the workday startup rite are two major ones. A wake-up rite can incorporate things like making espresso, thinking, journaling and assessing the forthcoming day’s objectives but the better indicates will fluctuate from the individual. In like manner, a workday startup rite can incorporate getting up to speed with messages, evaluating your timetable and educating associates regarding the hours when you’ll be inaccessible today.
Of course, the following part will show us that rites are not the only one that defends your work-life.
Let your day be planned around a great three and design a great week to wish for.
What number of us stroll into the workplace with no arrangement set up, inactively responding to the day’s improvements? Be that as it may, this conduct is setting us up to come up short. ”You will always be unable to hit an objective that you can’t see.” stated the creator Robin Sharma. This bodes well – if our activities are unstructured and we’re not going for anything explicit, what’s the purpose of being beneficial? We need direction for profitability to have meaning and for the concentration to have an outlet.
So, planning the day, in the beginning, is important. We get something to wish for, through this. Great three means three duties that we have to finish on that day and we can make our plan with this. These come first and everything we win is extras. Don’t see the three as a little integer, complicated duties can be selected. This system makes us take high-grade our aims.
Determining a great week is another good method to make efficiency stronger. Get an empty week designer and let yourself to create a great week. This is a great week so you shouldn’t choose a week that you have important things to do, for example, seeing the dentist or going to a gathering.
For instance, you may plan all your dates for Mondays so that they don’t block the whole week. On Fridays, you can work on a group experiment and pay attention to customers, and work a little bit more time on Wednesdays to be heard of recent events. You have to be certain to plan most of the time for recharging! You may want to do physical exercise on Thursday nights and take a walk on Saturdays.
We also have to design our single days while we are designing our great week. You may try to develop a new ability like a native tongue from 07:00 a.m. to 08:00 a.m. every day or get an hour at 01:00 p.m. to draw level with your group.
We often throw curveballs and problems that block our beat appear so that we can’t design a great week whenever we want but that’s not a problem. Life isn’t awesome. We get a new feeling of aim, a thing to wish for and a feeling of contentment when we slap it while we have a lucid painting in our brain of a great week.
You’ll get the prizes if you dare against the diversion economy.
Immediate texting, direct warnings, internet surfing and the unnumbered curl of social media are in our recent livings, and all block our focus and concentrate. They’ve produced it simple than ever to delay too while some of them have carried important advantages to our private and vocational livings.
The momentary pleasure ethos that technology has fed as a recent style of the economy is the diversion economy. Stuff like telephone calls, emails, social media, and report apps are all trying to take our care, and this is a special article – that’s the reason it named as being interested!
But these preoccupations that covered up behind a cover of speed and comfort have made it harder than ever to center and conduct profound work. We begin to type it out a weekly paper, stop to look at Facebook and all of a sudden discover ourselves looking at the recent reports and filling our mocha cups again and again. We’ve hindered our prepare of the idea, and we got to study to urge back within the department when we turn back.
For instance, an investigation led by a group of specialists at the College of California discovered that once interfered with, it takes an office laborer a normal of 23 minutes to come back to her unique errand. That is more than two hours of sat around idly, in case you’re intruded on five times each day. All in all, what would we be able to do to hold our concentration and fixation for longer terms?
The way of battling the diversion economy is to make it simpler to remain centered. Begin by browsing your messages just two times every day, in the first part of the day and after lunch, and when you have to finish profound work utilize your telephone’s “don’t aggravate” mode. On the off chance that you need to take things further, attempt a center application. These are PC programs that give you a chance to tweak what programming and sites you can access during specific times of the day.
Eventually, you have to manage your workplace. According to one 2011 research by Princeton University, a litter habitat notably decreases your power to handle information because of the optic stimulant. So, you have to chasten and design your office, your broad chamber place, and your numerical records. The diversion economy is difficult to treat, but we’ll be free to focus when we see how harmful it can be to efficiency and walk onto stairs to cut off its effect.
You Suddenly Lose Everything: 30days.Com by Russell Brunson
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30 Days Book – Clickfunnels – You Suddenly Lose Everything… What Would You Do From Day 1 to Day 30 To Save Yourself…Russell Brunson
Give the author and 30 of his Two Comma Club Winners just 30 days.and theyll radically and ruthlessly transform your business with an internet marketing survival guide that gets you up and running in your business as if you started from zero. Each of these winners were presented with the following worst-case scenario: You suddenly lose all your money, along with your name and reputation, your list, products, everything. All you have left is a ClickFunnels account, Internet Access, a roof over your head, food to eat, and 30 days to make money. You have no more relations or JV affiliates. What would you do, from day 1 to day 30, to save yourself 30 DAYS is a compilation of their day-by-day plans to rebuild their businesses and lives from scratch. Use them as a guide to grow an existing business, rebuilding from the ground up, or launch a new, long-lasting funnel from $0 to $1 million or more. Each 30-Day blueprint is PROOF that youre truly just one funnel away!
- You suddenly lose all your money, along with your name and reputation, and only have your marketing know-how-left. You have bills piled high and people harassing you money over the phone. Plus, you have a guaranteed roof over your head, a phone line, an internet connection, and a ClickFunnels account for only one month. You no longer have your big guru name, your following, or JV partners. Other than your vast marketing experience, you’re an unknown newbie. What would you do, from day 1 to day 30, to save yourself?
- You know how the old saying goes: “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink…” Well, here is the water, now it’s your job to take a drink. Remember, you’re just one funnel away.
- Build their own long-term, sustainable online businesses.
- Niche Selection. If I’m going to build a business, I should mold it around what I love. Those who love what they do never have to work another day in their lives.
- Monetize the thank-you page
- Most thank-you pages I see are a headline and a confirmation of what the client just purchases or became a part of. I like to do things a little differently. On the thank-you page that comes directly after the opt-in, I’ll present a congruent affiliate offer.
- Affiliate offers are products sold by companies that are willing to give up a big portion of the sale revenue to incentivize other companies to push traffic.
- To find affiliate offers, I can do a number of things. I like to search for “<NICHE> affiliate program.
- 20-day autoresponder
- Follow up everyone who opted in
- The best part is that we are not done. We currently hold a buying audience, and it is our job to keep presenting offers they will absolutely love!
- Set up an email sequence within ClickFunnels Actionetics
- Survery the people that opt into your list.
- Survery Monkey or Google Forms to send out surveys.
- A favourite question I love asking inside the surveys is “If you could wave a magic wand to make the most painful problem disappear, what would that be?”
- When Launching
- Day 1: Email twice
- Day 2: Email twice
- Day 3-5: Email once
- Day 6: Email twice
- Day 7: Email three times
- Email them more often
- Call them
- Direct mail them
- Find congruent joint venture offers to email, call, and mail out to my new audience.
- Relational capital from Jay Abraham, where your problem is someone else’s solution to their problem.
- Create a continuity program to collect monthly paychecks
- Burn the ships, stick to it and do it until completion.
- Chapter 2: High Ticket coaching by Liz Benny
- Day 1: Decision Day
- Gathering up my internal resources and then mapping out a plan. Time to roll.
- So many fail already with half-hearted efforts.
- Cave time of solitude
- Webinar game
- Make money in the short term, too. So strategically, the first thing I need to focus on is how to create an income stream in the short term that I’ll want to build for the long term.
- Sell a scaleable online program including recordings from the consulting I did with the initial clients
- Work out from where I’m going to attract my target market. What traffic source am I going to use to get eyeballs on my offer? Facebook Ads, Facebook Lives, organic posts, and an email series (after a free offer) to attract applicants to my consulting offer.
- What movement can I take a stand for?
- I get specific about what the vision is for the movement.
- My origin story. I work out what my origin story is.
- Ask Campaign. I create an ask campaign to share on social media to get direct feedback from the market about what their pain points are and what it would feel like if these pain points were alleviated.
- What’s my offer? The first offer is a one-on-one or group coaching offer (which will be sold as a high-end beta program)
- My offer would include the following:
- * Course curriculum
- * Six weeks of group coaching calls
- * One-on-one quick-start call
- * Bonuses (templates, spreadsheets, etc.)
- * All recorded content
- * Access to future course content (I may reshoot footage later)
- What are my bonuses?
- The more I focus on ensuring the offer is solid and there are buyers for it, the better success I will have.
- Why wouldn’t someone buy my offer?
- Ask myself why people would say NO to my offer. What fears do they have? What internal objections do they have?
- I’ll focus on my experience, my passion for being real and raw, my magnetic personality, and genuine solutions.
- Target market research. Next, I move on to the intricacies of my target market. I want to understand, to a VERY DEEP degree, what their pains are, what they desire, and what male and female versions of my target market would look like.
- It’s do or die, So I must DO.
- It’s harder to restart than to ride the momentum.
- Be in the right state of mind is going to enable me to be more productive.
- Take 10 photos of yourself with a blank, solid-color background because you want to be able to “clear cut” myself out, so you can paste my photo into a variety of backgrounds to use in your marketing images
- Open an account with Clipping Magic to remove the background
- Open an account with Stencil so I can create email banners, Facebook Ads, and the like there.
- Step One: FREE OFFER upon opt-in
- Step two: Video thank-you and message about opportunity to work with me personally. This page will have a Book a Call section on it and will include real scarcity and urgency. The opt-in will trigger an email series where I’ll use story-based messages to inspire people to put in an application to work with me.
- Step three: Thank-you page with phone number to call
- Create a Facebook page for my business and brand it accordingly.
- Do a Facebook Live video (with 10/10 energy, excitement, and conviction) on my new Facebook page about my new venture and the new opportunity to work with me. I share this video to my personal Facebook page. Behind the scenes, I ask my friends to share my message on their Facebook pages IF they have friends who fit the target market I’m looking to serve.
- Create a Facebook Group for the clients I’m about to bring in and then create a first welcome video message for members of that group.
- Open an account with Zoom to deliver content.
- Getting beta clients for my online course funnel.
- Looking to personally mentor a small number of people to get incredible results and that I’ll be looking to leverage their results for future marketing purposes.
- I’ll be offering my coaching services for $25,000 in the future; however, I’m looking to ask for their help in refining what my online program is like, so I’m looking to help 15 people at just $1,497 for a six-week coaching period. The offer will be stacked so high that it’s a no-brainer but will look to repel non-ideal (headache/pain-in-the-butt) clients.
- Be doing phone sales for the first round of clients.
- Make sure that the post-purchase emails are all automated and ready to go.
- The instructions on when the group coaching is going to start and particulars are all in that email.
- I make sure the tone of everything I do is energetic, excited, and confident.
- Consistency
- * Stay consistent with my Facebook Lives.
- * Create a Facebook video ad campaign to give away my free offer.
- * Create a retargeting ad campaign to my coaching funnel.
- * Close calls with applicants who have applied.
- * Send a FREE gift to all applicant who have paid already.
- Create my slides in Keynote and ensure that they are branded and look profession.
- Delivering group coaching content in a mastermind manner
- Uploading all content to a members area in ClickFunnels
- Start working on a webinar to sell the scaleable course I intend to make, because I have spent a ton of time working with my clients now, and I understand what they need and want.
- Launching my webinar live this week, with paid traffic. In fact, imperfect action always beats perfect inaction (and overthinking), so I’m going to go for it!
- Two of the biggest pitfalls of most business owners who are either launching a new business, scaling an existing one, or reviving a dead one.
- Lack of confidence, discipline, and inner peace
- Lack of a clear plan and well-defined outcomes
- Please do not waste time trying to be perfect!
- Take massive action…go get it done.
- Chapter 3: Application Video Funnel by Garrett J. White
- The Daily War
- CORE 4 (A Daily Game Of Power As Taught By Wake Up Warrior)
- Body (Fitness and Fuel)
- –– I will work out every morning.
- –– I will drink a green smoothie every morning.
- Being (Meditation and Memoirs)
- –– I will meditate for 20 minutes twice a day.
- –– I will write in my journal about my feelings and thoughts 20 minutes daily.
- Balance (Partner and Posterity)
- –– I will send a text of love to my wife every morning, appreciating and honoring her.
- –– I will send a video text of love to each of my children.
- Business (Discover and Declare)
- –– I will study Expert Secrets by Russell Brunson for 20 minutes every morning.
- –– I will share what I am learning in my own language every day online.
- Daily 8
- VIDEO: Live Stream (10 mins.)
- –– I will teach and train on this video every day (marketing).
- PHOTO: IG Picture (x3)
- AUDIO: Daily Fuel Podcast (10 mins.)
- TEXT: FB blog (300 words)
- Join one new network per day on Facebook until I am at a MAX of 10 groups.
- Spend 60 minutes per day per group adding value.
- Build prospect list daily by 10 and engage each of them via chat.
- Add 25 new personal friends on FB from groups.
- Located my first two to five clients and started the seduction process with each of them. I will study them. Study their social media presence and start testing the waters with the painful consequence that they are seeing and facing inside their worlds to see if what I am finding is accurate.
- Who are the people I will serve?
- I will identify how the problem and the painful consequences will impact them individually.
- What product will I provide
- Find the top 10 offers on the web of coaches, consultant program, and events that are speaking to my prospect. I will identify where they are dominating. I will study their marketing copy, sales systems, and Frame they are selling from.
- Group leaders ready to run a webinar with me, or at minimum to authorize me to GO LIVE with them inside the group and promote my new funnel.
- Scheduling one-on-one calls for interviews for the 10 spots.
- Chapter 4: Ecommerce Funnels by Alison J. Prince
- There are two commodities when starting a business: time and money.
- Leverage the time I do have and turn it into money FAST
- These online parties are hosted on social media 24/7. The parties never stop. And that’s a good thing when selling products online. Partygoers (or in this case, social media followers) are constantly engaging with the party throwers (influencers) and this is the perfect setup for me.
- But how am I going to actually FIND the people throwing these parties? How am I going to find the influencers who know how to get an engaging audience? I’m going to Instagram! With this handy little app full of influencers, we are (something literally) sitting on the direct lines of communication with all the parties of the world. I just need to look for them.
- Instagram’s hashtag search provides my first shot at getting an invitation.
- This is the day I’ll reach out to the influencers, and get them to notice me. It’s my job to convince them why they want to work with me. Influencers want to make money from me just like they do when they sell other people’s products. I just need to show them how easy I will make it for them.
- Find a pain point, relieve it, and I’ll have a fan for life.
- Chapter 5: Find your dream 100 by Dana Derricks
- Grab a free screencast recording program that records my screen and webcam
- Build my Dream 100 list of clients I will target with my service
- Opt in to ALL their lists, get into their groups, buy their stuff (if possible), and follow them as closely as possible.
- Deploy my outreach campaign for my Dream 100 list of clients who I will target with my service.
- Transitioned my business from trading time for dollars into selling scalable products
- Understood that I’ll always make more $$ showing people how to successfully do the thing, as opposed to actually doing the thing for them.
- Throw up ads for a base-plus commission affiliate manager to explode revenue growth.
- Allow affiliate manager to start going after leads and closing deals and provide them with support to do their job very well.
- Chapter 6: Start as a service provider by Julie Stoian
- Find the right customer who will advertise for me (through word-of-mouth referrals). I also know that in the online space, the fastest route to cash is through a tangible deliverable.
- Book Strategy Call button
- First free traffic activity. Using Facebook, I will deploy an “attraction” marketing strategy that has me entering Facebook Groups full of my ideal clients and responding to questions in a way that is so helpful or controversial that they can’t help but reach out to me on Facebook.
- I set up a spreadsheet to monitor the groups, to capture the comments I make, and to follow up with leads who reach out via private message (PM).
- I recommend people start service-based businesses at first, because that money comes so quickly. Imagine how many books or low-cost physical products you’d have to sell to get $1,000 in profit?
- Prospecting in groups
- A thank-you page with a video that invited them to check out my services.
- Chapter 7: Mid-range Info-product launch by Stephen Larsen
- A podcast intro and outro
- Create free Facebook group
- Listing the A, B, and C-level influencers and podcasters in the red ocean.
- Read forums and Facebook Groups in the red ocean.
- Break and rebuild that major false belief.
- Use the Epiphany Bridge Script to write, record, and publish a story to break and rebuild their second major false belief in the red ocean.
- A free webclass
- Build an affiliate program and contest. I need to invite those I’ve interviewed to do a JV with me for a 50/50 spilt when I launch. Promote the upcoming webinar to outlets again.
- Sell a linited $5k two-day workshop
- Funny enough, even in a situation of poverty, a lack of opportunity is never the issue. The issues start when the entrepreneur doesn’t learn to say no. I’ve never met a successful person who didn’t go through a period of sickening obsession over ONE idea for a period of time.
- I think it’s key to give yourself an emotional licence to suck at “normal” life things so that you can obsess. Also, my strategy places a heavy emphasis on publishing, because whoever control content controls ideas and belief.
- There’s no relationship between being good and getting paid, but there’s a huge relationship between being good at marketing and getting paid.
- There’s no higher -leverage skill a marketer can devote time to than that of storytelling.
- Chapter 8: 3 Weeks to Webinar Launch by Stacey and Paul Martino
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction (Newton’s Third Law of Motion)
- That which you think, in any moment, attracts unto itself other thoughts that are like it (Abraham (Law of Attraction)
- However you want to look at it, whether strategic or spiritual, your beliefs and your energy that go into your ACTIONS will determine the results you get from those actions.
- Step One: Write my List of WHO I AM! I am love, compassion, grace, subshine, fun, commitment, resourcefulness, intelligence, tenacity, speed, insight, and generosity! I write this list down on an index card. I’ll read it every morning when I wake up and every evening before I sleep/
- Step Two: Crush the False Beliefs. Now it’s time to crush those false beliefs! The “drunk monkey brain” fear talk that tried to take over when I am in a tough place.
- Examples of affirmations that came out of crushing my false beliefs:
- * My new worth does NOT equal my self-worth
- * Money is just a VEHICLE to what I want and no more.
- * If MONEY can solve problems, I don’t have real problems.
- So I will write my affirmations down on the back of that index card and read them morning and night.
- Step Three: Focus on the MOST important thing
- What is the most important thing in your universe that money cannot ever take from you, that you can focus on and be grateful for until you are vibrating with that energy of abundance?
- The solution to every problem you currently have is sitting outside your current comfort zone, or, by definition, it wouldn’t be a problem for you right now. (Keith Cunningham)
- Seek out The Mentor and The Tribe Solution.
- I MUST surround myself with The Mentor who has the solutions and the tribe that will support me.
- If you talk about it, it’s a dream, if you envision it, it’s possible, but if you schedule it, it’s real (Tony Robbins)
- You don’t accidentally achieve greatness!
- There are two ways to live your life – by default or by design. A life by design is where you are intentionally designing your days to live on purpose, with a purpose, for a purpose. Living authentically and living the life that is right FOR YOU.
- Most people live a life by default. They are living the life they ended up in, living in reaction to everything that’s going on around them, trying to do what they think they SHOULD do, and ending up miserable.
- Part of living a life by design is strategically designing your DAY to create the results you said you want!
- The first and most important part of that is to design and implement your morning routine.
- Morning routine. Getting up and DESIGNING my day, every day. There is NOTHING more important than that. I don’t have any days that aren’t worth designing.
- Morning Routine. For the first five things, I borrow techniques from a video by Tony Robbins on YouTube
- * Priming (breath work)
- * Hear mediation
- * Gratitude flood
- * Visualization of three outcomes
- * Raise my vibration
- * Prayer
- * 10 thank-you statements in my journal
- * Walk and consume growth content (Monday-Friday only)
- Create my free offer
- Figure out everything you would give your highest-paying customer to get the result you are promising. Now, pick out the sexiest and most valuable thing from that whole pile. That’s going to be your free thing at the front of your funnel.
- Be able to convert online (via webinars)
- The first time we sell this online program, we will sell it first and then build it as we deliver it.
- The most important thing to remember about creating our course is that it does NOT have to be PERFECT. In fact, I can absolutely guarantee that it won’t be.
- It’s not supposed to be perfect. Any need for perfection that we have is about ourselves.
- Perfection is 100% tied to our own needs for certainty and significance.
- The driving force in our business MUST be to SERVE the people who we are here to serve. Anything less and we can forget creating a massive impact, changing the world, and having any kind of legacy.
- Russell Says: Do your live webinar every week for one year or until it reaches seven figures, whichever comes first!
- The sooner you learn that the ENERGY you bring, the love you add, and your intention to serve also matter, the faster you will reach fulfillment.
- The truth is, the more people you serve, the more will come through you for them. And the more will come to you so you can serve them!
- Chapter 9: Free 7-Day Challenge by Ed Osburn
- Ed’s philosophy is: “Practice can be anything you DREAM it to BE…and SUCCESS does not have to come at the expense of your quality of life.
- The fastest and most effective way to create a successful and marketable brand is to research my competition.
- Blueprint the next three weeks. I’ll start with what I want to accomplish and then work backward, reverse-engineering exactly what I need to do each day to accomplish my ultimate outcome
- My product will launch at $997 for the core offer with a $99 bump (upsell), a one-time offer of $99/month continuity, and an application high(er)-ticket offer for $4,000.
- Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction (Harry Truman)
- My target is to have 200 people engaged in the FREE 7-Day Challenge.
- Knowledge is a process of piling up facts; wisdom lies in their simplification. (Martin Fischer)
- The program will be offered at a “special” reduced pre-launch pricing of $997, with a three-pay of $399.
- Core Offer: $997 SYSTEM plus the trainings for the stack (7-Day Free Challenge trainings)
- BUMP (upsell): 30-minute coaching call with me for $99 (I consider this a paid and qualified sales call, to upgrade my customer to my high-ticket opportunity).
- OTO #1 (one-time offer): $99/month continuity group with a FREE seven-day trail
- OTO #2 (high(er)-ticket item): $4,000 application to join my group coaching pod for accelerated results.
- As I’ve done each day, I’ll challenge participants’ beliefs and reaffirm their abilities.
- Creating urgency
- Download all video trainings (Day 1 to 5)
- I’ll upload them to YouTube (setting them as unlisted). I’ll also create a members rea within ClickFunnels. This is my value stack!
- Integrator (I use Integrator and Co.) to build the sales page and the new funnel on my behalf, or I can build it myself. I always prefer to scale and outsource this as much as possible – that includes my sales copy.
- ManyChat software
- WHY I scale through Messenger bots?
- I can communicate at an entirely different level through Messenger. It is both personal and automated at the same time.
- The open rates on Messenger are UNREAL!
- Email for affiliate recruiting
- Expanding that number through the use of affiliates.
- Remember, it’s not one-and-done. It’s a process of learning, revisions, and improvement. Each time you offer a webinar, each time you send an email, each time you do a Facebook Live, review what you’ve done and ask yourself what you can do to make next time even better.
- Constant improvement combined with a proven system WILL give you the success you want.
- Chapter 11:
- Time to put 10 beta testers through my program at a cost that’s a no-brainer. It’ll normally be $497 or so, but the first 10 people to sign up will get to join for just $97, or $197 with a weekly group coaching call. This is, of course, in exchange for a testimonial video.
- Get the initial feedback from the beta testers (while this is valuable, the testimonials of their own results are more powerful) and create a sales page for the course.
- My goal is to book 50+ podcasts so that I can quickly build back my influence and platform.
- Time to create my Dream 100, people who are one or two steps ahead of me in business. I want to make them affiliates/joint venture partners of my new course. I’ll share 50% of the revenue in exchange for their promotion.
- Select a niche market or what I call an HCBA (hungry, capable, buying audience). Hungry means they have a big pain that needs to be solved, and capable means they have the money and WILLINGNESS to pay for a solution.
- In online marketing, the easiest and fastest way to make money is by SPENDING money on ads.
- People fail online because they think there is a magical marketing tactic that will create success for them. Truth is, the MAGIC is in the messaging.
- Master-Resale-Rights
- Funnel architecture is FICTION; funnel messaging is FACT. Poor funnel design with compelling copy will beat amazing funnel design with crappy copy every time.
- Craft a series of headlines and sub-headlines using psychological triggers like curiosity, urgency, scarcity, benefits, and proof.
- I’ll have to determine the result I can generate for my target audience and the thing they hate doing so that I can generate a “How To X In Y Without Z” where X is the result, Y is the time frame) optional), and Z is the thing they hate doing.
- IMO: Implementation, Monetization, Optimization
- Good advice from a mentor is almost always counterintuitive to the mentee. Think about it, if the mentor’s advice made sense to the mentee, they would already be doing it. Beware of mentors who only give you advice that you like and agree with. A good mentor will always challenge you!
- I will teach <AUDIENCE> how to get <DESIRE>. I’d then immediately create a Facebook Group mentioning that skill/desire in the name. I’ll use a free graphics program like Canva to create a snazzy cover photo.
- I’d then go to my personal Facebook profile and add a link to the group on my page. Then I’d create a custom cover photo of a call to action (CTA).
- As long as I can identify the desire, and I know I can teach an alternative method for the main obstacle that will get them the goal, I know I will make money without a doubt.
- If there is an audience willing to learn something for free, there will always be someone willing to pay for more. You only need 1% to become a millionaire and change the world at the same time. (Dan Henry)
- Online Course ClickFunnels Template (getclients.com/cursefunnel)
- This whole game is nothing but problem and solution. I have the solution in my skill set.
- I will identify which audience will benefit the most from my skills…it doesn’t matter what I level I am on…there is always someone a level lower who can benefit.
- No matter what industry you’re in, people have problems. Now there’s something called Facebook Groups. These are very profitable.
- Sell a $997 product (one that hasn’t been built yet). I call this “building the plane while I fly it.” Then I will make an upsell offer of $4,997 to work directly with me for eight weeks.
- Sell from a webinar after the 21-day plan. With my experience, I am confident that If I provide enough value during these three weeks for those who register and join LIVE, I will close 18% – 28% of those live attendees. So my goal is to get them LIVE> Here are conservative yet strong numbers
- 150 high-quality registrants
- 70 show-ups
- 18% close: 12.6 buyers x $997 =$13,000
- 3% additional before-cart closes =$2,000
- $15k generated from webinar
- Upsell 3 buyers to high-ticket product at $5k = $15K
- Total in 30 days: $30K
- Rinse and Repeat!
- Online Game: I’m going to map out and write down the EXACT person I can either transform with my work, create a result for with my product, so solve a problem for. I’d write out:
- * Who they are: age, what they read, what they do, their fears, problems, etc
- * The ONE THING I can solve for them with my product, service, or program
- * A list of 21 problems this person has or could potentially be looking to solve
- THINGS TO DO
- Joint Venture
- The Opt-in Funnel
- Monetize the thank-you page
- GREAT RESOURCES
- 99 designs
- Click Bank
- Google Forms
- com
- com
- Envate
- Use WorkFlowy to brainstorm ideas.
- com
- com
- com
- com
- Webinarja account
- Google Keyword Planner
- Dream 100 Book by Dana erricks
- Google Docs
- com
- com
- com
- Google Slides
- Google Form
- Use Keynote to create the presentation
- com
- ManyChat software
- MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES
- The thing that is sometimes lacking is resourcefulness. And when we are lacking resourcefulness, our misperception is that resources are limited. If we think about it, we know that can’t be true because there have always been people on both sides of the “resource” equation. There were even people who made fortunes during the Great Depression while other people starved.
- We rarely see things the way they are; we usually see things the way we are.
- The only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work, and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking and don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. (Steve Jobs)
- See a man who is diligent in his ways, and he will stand before kings and not mere men (King Solomon)
- Greatness is not a function of circumstance. Greatness, it turns out, is largely a matter of conscious choice and discipline (Jim Collins)
- I’ve learned that in order to be happy in life, you need to figure out what your talents and strengths are…then run with them! Don’t settle for anything less than what your abilities can get you. (Trey Lewellen)
