
The Narrow Road: A Brief Guide to the Getting of Money by Felix Dennis | Book Summary
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The Narrow Road: A Brief Guide to the Getting of Money by Felix Dennis
One of the world’s most successful media moguls shares eighty-eight tips for starting a business and getting rich. In How to Get Rich, British mogul Felix Dennis told the engaging story of how he started a media empire and became one of the wealthiest men in Britain-all without a college degree or any formal training. Now he shows readers exactly what it takes to start a business and make it successful. Dennis offers a guide for those determined to attempt what he calls the getting of money-regardless of the consequences. His eighty-eight tips include: Do not fall in love with any project. You may believe in it wholeheartedly, but must remain prepared to abandon it should it show signs of failing. If you are unwilling to fail, sometimes publicly and even catastrophically, you will never be rich. You will never get rich working for your boss. No one knows better than Dennis what it takes to get rich, and his battle-tested advice-delivered with his signature wit-will surely appeal to serious entrepreneurs.
In the getting of money, it’s wise to consider one’s motives for the getting itself. It’s better to wrestle with motive early and consider its strength at leisure than to be surprised by it at some perilous moment in the future when all is in the balance.
The three valid reasons for not attempting to become rich are:
- I do not wish to be rich
- I would like to be rich but I have other priorities
- I am too stupid to make the attempt
Apart from those listed above, most of the so-called reasons for not pursuing wealth are not reasons at all; they are excuses. They are the children of fear and the parents of a thousand “if onlys.”
Anyone in good health and of reasonable intelligence, provided they utterly commit themselves to the journey, can succeed on the narrow road. The commitment is vital.
Luck helps – but only if you do not waste time seeking it. The belief that you have a great idea is not worth shit. Ideas are ten a penny while the ability to execute counts for a great deal more.
Who is likely to succeed? Not those who want to and not those who need to or those who deserve to, but those who are utterly determined to, whatever the cost to themselves and to those around them.
There is no point in sitting around thinking about getting started – not just for the getting the money but for just about anything.
Forget glamor if the getting of money is your priority. The reason is obvious. The laws of supply and demand apply not to commodities but to the choices people make. Too many people wish to make blockbuster movies and live in Beverly Hill. Not enough people wish to start a landfill company and dig holes.
Gold rushes rarely happen in old mines. New or rapidly developing sectors often provide more opportunities to get rich.
You have to cut loose to get rich, from parents and family, from working for others, and from negative influences. It’s not that they do not care about you; they may well do. But two fears confront them: they (openly) fear you are placing yourself in harm’s way, which cannot be a good thing; and they (secretly) fear that should you succeed, you will expose their own timidity.
Young, penniless, and inexperienced? Excellent. You possess an advantage neither education nor upbringing, nor even money can buy – having almost nothing, you have nothing to lose.
Slightly better off and on the way up? You have the experience and the remnants of youthful stamina. Now is the time to decide whether you wish to continue to make your employer even richer, or, instead, become rich yourself.
Veteran manager or experienced professional? Find yourself a young and fearless partner. It’s your best, perhaps your only chance to survive and succeed on the narrow road.
If you have ever wondered why there are so few really wealthy self-made men and women in the world, you now have the answer. It has little to do with chance and everything to do with your capacity to accept the risk of being humiliated in the attempt – not just once, but many times, perhaps.
Startup capital is simply too precious to squander on physical purchases. The creating of a frugal company culture begins on the first day.
Revenues are not within your control. Cash spent on perks and fancy gear is.
Compulsion trumps desire in two ways: intensity and longevity.
The road to riches is a marathon, not a sprint.
Life is not a rehearsal. The getting of money may be a silly game, but it is a game with serious rules. It requires a level of discipline and toleration of hardship that is inimical to what most people regard as the purpose of a fulfilled life.
Cash flow is the lifeblood of any business. Failure to monitor cash flow is the source of most startup failures.
Obsessive monitoring and forecasting of cash levels cannot, of themselves, generate cash. But they can provide startup’s owner with an early warning – one that may well make the difference between ruin and survival.
Keeping costs low is a vital necessity for a startup company. One golden rule is: “Overhead walks in two legs.”
Do not fall in love with any project. You may believe in it wholeheartedly, but must remain prepared to abandon it should it show signs of failing. Then, examine whether the failure lies in the product or service itself or in its implementation.
If you are determined to become rich, there is only one talent you require: the talent to identify, hire, and nurture others with talent.
Talent is indispensable, although it is always replaceable. There are six simple rules concerning talent: identify it, nurture it, reward it, protect it from being poached. And when the time comes, fire it.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it – Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
If you are seeking for the right place and the right time, you are reading the wrong book. It is always the right time and this is the only place we have.
You must choose between seeking riches or seeking contentment. You may achieve neither, but you surely cannot seek both.
Given time, a salary begins to exert an attraction and addictiveness all of its own; regular paychecks and crack cocaine have that in common.
Working for others is a reconnaissance expedition; a means, not an end; an apprenticeship, not a goal.
There are only six ways of obtaining capital. You can be given or inherit it; you can win it; you can steal it; you can marry it; you can earn it; you can borrow it. However, the best two options we have here are either earning capital or borrowing it.
Very, very few entrepreneurs who accept a 51 percent partner in a new venture will get rich if they are also expected to run it. Control is mandatory.
You cannot get rich all on your own. No one can. You have to work within (or more likely, create) the right environment.
Human capital is by far the most important element of your environment, whether you’re starting up or deep in the game. By focusing on obtaining the right human capital you vastly increase your chances of becoming rich. Your employees, colleagues, professional advisors, suppliers, and customers are all human capital. Choosing those that will serve you best is an art form.
In the earliest days of a startup, you will likely have to do the hiring yourself.
The truth is, there are many clever, cunning, and adept people who are risk-averse. You are not risk-averse, because you are dedicated to becoming rich. Believe it or not, much cleverer people than yourself will happily work for you, providing they do not have to brave the narrow road.
When hiring, ignore prejudices, likes, and dislikes. This is not only good law, it’s good sense. Effectiveness, integrity, adeptness, professionalism, a desire to shine in the world – these are the attributes you seek. Who you like or do not like is irrelevant.
Team spirit is for losers, financially speaking. It is the glue that binds losers together – a strategy used by employers to shackle useful employees to their desks.
The road to riches begins with commitment and proceeds upon the basis of decisions and actions taken.
Listen by all means – listening intently is one of the most underrated of all entrepreneurial talents – but defer to no one.
Equal partnership suck!
Anyone determined to create wealth from a standing start must make a pact with themselves to abandon the fear of failure. One cannot banish fear, but one can face it down, crush it, bury it, padlock it in the deepest recess of your heart and soul – and leave it there to rot.
Having a great idea is not enough. It is the manner in which ideas are executed that counts. Implementation will always trump ideas, however good those ideas are.
If you never have a single great idea in your life, but become skilled in executing the great ideas of others, you can succeed beyond your wildest dreams. They do not have to be your ideas – execution is all.
Man alone lays claim to ownership. We purport to believe that individuals or groups can “own” the most astonishing things: islands, mines, mountains, forests, rivers, hills, and deserts. Such a collective delusion illustrates how silly the chasing of wealth really is. It defies logic because we are mortal and can take nothing with us. Wealth may provide access, but never true ownership.
The getting of money is a game. While the objective is absurd, the rules are deadly serious – precisely the reverse of the position taken by many who wish to become rich. In their estimation, the objective is serious while the rules are often absurd.
Contracting an incurable disease is a serious matter; the death of a loved one is a serious matter; even the rejection of your affection can be a serious matter. The making and losing of money is not a serious matter.
Ownership of an asset isn’t the most important thing in the getting of money – it is the only thing.
There is only one enemy – time.
Time spent recharging your batteries and maintaining your physical and mental health is not wasted. It is a necessity. Time frittered away attending to tasks easily achieved but relatively inessential to your ultimate goal is wasted – a criminal waste of precious resource.
Prioritizing is the key for every successful entrepreneur.
Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. – Seneca
Preparation is the key. Being prepared to do the heavy lifting and the homework in advance. Getting on with the job in hand, but remaining alert enough to spot a lucky opportunity when it arrives and then hammering at it with prepared intensity. If one is not prepared, the opportunity will go begging. If one is not alert, all the preparation will be for naught.
All who learn to delegate wisely (and early) increase their chances of success in the getting of money to a significant degree. Entrepreneurs and moguls are often poor managers because they never had time to practice the art of management. They were too busy delegating and becoming rich.
Tenacity will sustain and encourage you; not just to persist, but to do so in a more adaptable way.
Without self-belief, nothing can be accomplished. With it, nothing is impossible.
Persistence offers you a second or third bite at the cherry. Tenacity ensures that you will continue to search for alternative ways to succeed. Self-belief encourages you to stare down failure and naysayers while tenacity works its magic.
Embrace our doubts; without them, there is only naked ego, the kind of certainty that leads to untrammeled arrogance, to cruelty, or worse.
How to become a leader? By not seeking all the glory your smarter employees earn.
Making time to sleep well, eat well, and take an occasional walk in the park is not slacking, not a betrayal of the cause. It’s just good sense. Keeping mentally and physically fit is essential.
It is difficult facing up to swiftly changing realities on the ground. Most of us would prefer for things to stay pretty much the same so that we can carry on making money in the same way. But things do not stay the same.
Ownership shall be half of the law, doing an outstanding job shall be the other half.
Besides increase your chance in succeeding, there is an extra benefit attached to excellence. Should your company fail, the reputation of what was produced will endure while the failure of the business itself will soon be forgotten.
Breaking your neck is a misfortune. Losing someone you love is a tragedy. Failing to accumulate a fortune on the narrow road is not a misfortune, it’s just a part of the game.
When going through hell, keep going.
Never fall in love with a deal. A deal is just a deal. There will always be other deals and other opportunities. No deal is a must-do deal.
The best time to sell a business is when you don’t have to. The worst time is when you have little choice.
Hire the best-qualified accountant or finance director you can afford, even before you can afford them.
Success has a thousand fathers. Failure is always an orphan. – Anonymous
Closing down a business is a miserable affair. Shoulder the responsibility squarely. Get it done as fairly and responsibly as you can. And remember, there will be other opportunities later. You’ll be back.
It was all just a silly game, wasn’t it? Don’t forget to help other young entrepreneurs when you can. But don’t tell them what you found at the end of the road. No need to spoil the surprise!
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Who Will Cry When You Die by Robin Sharma | Book Summary
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Who Will Cry When You Die? by Robin Sharma
Life Lessons from the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. Would you like to replace that empty feeling inside you with a deep sense of peace, passion, and purpose? Are your hoping that your life will not only be successful but significant? Are you ready to have the very best within you shine through and create a rich legacy in the process? If so, this potent little book, with its powerful life lessons and its gentle but profound wisdom, is exactly what you need to rise to your next level of living. Offering 101 simple solutions to life’s most frustrating challenges, bestselling author and life leadership guru Robin Sharma will show you exactly how to recreate your life so that you feel strikingly happy, beautifully fulfilled, and deeply peaceful. This is a truly remarkable book that readers will treasure for a lifetime!
- Maintain Perspective
Often in life, we lose track of what is important to us. We focus on things that have little importance.
How big our daily life problems are really?
Focusing on those little problems gives us a sense that life is pretty hard.
What if you change your perspective and look from a different perspective?
Humans are tiny particles when compared to billions of stars in the universe.
Once we switch the perspective, we realize that what we thought as a giant hurdle of our life is actually a little event that doesn’t matter that much when seen from a different point of reference.
According to Robin Sharma, our lives are mere blips on the canvas of eternity.
Whenever you face any stressful situation, try to see it from different angles or shift your perspective.
Maintaining your perspective will help you look at problems more wisely and rationally.
- Journal Your Ideas
Many people love writing diaries.
Diaries are the recollection of our memories. When you look at your diary, you see the movie of your past life.
But along with diary writing, you should also do journaling.
Journaling is a bit different than diary writing.
Journaling includes writing lessons that you learn from every single day of your life. It also involves writing your reason for being and finding meaning in your daily life.
It has tremendous benefits. For example, it helps you boost your self-awareness.
By journaling your ideas, you get more connected to your deeper self.
- Be Honest
There is an adage that honesty is the best policy.
But how many people do you think follow that? A few.
What’s worse, breaking promises has become a habit now. People consider breaking bonds of trust as normal.
Is this a good thing? Hell, no.
You must be honest with the people around you.
Whenever you show dishonesty, you fuel this terrible habit, and due to it, your brain automatically urges you to lie more and more.
Being dishonest also adversely affects how much you keep the promise with yourself.
- Embrace The Present
Robin advises seeing your days as mini-lives.
We set goals. And we give our best to achieve those goals. We try to control the future. So most of our time is spent chasing distant goals.
And in that race of accomplishing great things, we forget to respect what’s already in front of us. We don’t feel privileged for all the things we have.
All we have is now.
But still, so many people never reach a stage where they could embrace the present moment. And in the hope of achieving some grandiose distant reality, they take the current reality for granted.
Robin says that we walk this earth for a short time.
Shouldn’t we respect what we have now?
- Don’t Dwell In The Past
Some people focus on what lies ahead, while some focus on what happened to them in the past.
Dwelling in the past has some severe consequences.
But why do people dwell in the past?
People have setbacks and failures. So when they look back, they feel bad, and try to bury their failures as much as possible.
Robin enlightens us with the fact that if you have more failures than others, then perhaps it’s because you have to serve a higher purpose.
We know happiness only when we know what being unhappy means.
We know victory only when we know what failing feels like.
Instead of worrying and complaining about your past, you should see it as a feedback mechanism.
- Have A Morning Routine
The way you begin your day determines the way you will live your day.
~Robin Sharma
If you had to launch a rocket or missile, would you launch it at an incorrect angle? No.
The same is the case with our day. We must launch our day with preparation.
Robin suggests that you should have morning rituals to follow.
For example, you could start your day by drinking warm water, walking in the woods, etc.
The important part is, the more organized your morning is, the more organized your entire day will be.
- Be Childish
Children come to us more highly evolved than adults to teach us the lessons we need to learn.
When we grow old, we start to value less of our playful child within us. We get busy doing businesses, paying bills, commuting to the office, etc.
Somewhere down the road of life, we lose touch with the child inside us.
Although we grow taller, we start becoming less happy and less energetic.
Robin shares his son’s story eating the warmest and the vital part of the bread while ignoring the outer layer.
This reminded Robin that adults could learn so many things from children by observing them.
Robin also realized how his son focused on the core of the bread. And how we can transfer that same concept to our lives by focusing on the things that matter.
- Practice Self-Talk
We talk to ourselves every day. But we do it unconsciously most of the time.
Talking to ourselves is correlated with our thoughts.
Thoughts have the incredible power to shape our lives, attract prosperity, etc.
Practicing self-talk also makes you more aware of your thoughts.
You don’t need to push yourself and practice deliberate self-talk. You just have to be more conscious of it.
The words you speak to yourself change your mindset.
So you better watch how you speak to yourself because it’ll ultimately reflect in your life.
- Practice Silence
Practicing silence is as important as practicing self-talk.
The best way to practice silence is to find a place where you can be in solitude and spend some quality time with yourself.
Being in solitude cuts off outside noise and allows you to calm your inner turbulence.
You might say, “I’m too busy. I can’t practice silence.”
But really? Can’t you find time for yourself?
Can’t you stop for a moment to fill gas in your vehicle?
Saying that you don’t have enough time to practice silence on a regular basis is a lot like saying that you are busy driving to stop for gas.
- Go On A News Fast
A lot of things happen in the world; some are good while some are bad. And this gives birth to the news.
News informs us about the events happening around the world.
It’s good to be aware of what’s happening in the world.
The problem starts when people begin to consume a lot of news, more news than they should.
These days, news channels keep bombarding us with negative news. It gives us the impression that nothing positive is happening in the world.
But is this true? Definitely, not.
Again, some events are constructive, while others are destructive.
Most people even start their day by opening a newspaper, which then again drains the mood and energy of the person reading it, because it’s filled with negative news, that sells well.
Why do these newspapers highlight negative news more?
It’s because humans, by nature, tend to focus more on tragic events rather than positive and uplifting events.
An earthquake is bound to gather more attention than the discovery of another chemical element.
Here is a tip:
Try to practice news-fast.
This will help you focus more, and you’ll also spend quality time with yourself.
It’s worth noting that avoiding news won’t make you oblivious. You will still be able to get the news circulating through your friends or colleagues.
- Be Kind To Strangers
Imagine what this world would look like if everyone were kinder to each other.
Great, wouldn’t it?
Everyone is kind to himself, but to strangers, it’s a whole different matter.
Most people are only kind to their friends and family members and don’t care about others.
Robin suggests that you don’t need to do great acts to improve the quality of your life.
You can be great every single day of your life by showing compassion towards others.
You can help people you find on the street or help a blind old lady cross the road.
By doing these little acts of decency, you can live a more fulfilling life.
- Take Weekly Holidays
Job is a part of life. It gives you money to survive. But it isn’t everything.
You should also carve out some quality time for yourself by taking weekly holidays.
That way, you’ll be able to recharge yourself with more energy and be ready for your work after the holidays.
- Your Body Is A Temple
Our consciousness lives inside our bodies.
That’s why we must give respect to our bodies by treating it as a temple.
But in reality, we abuse our bodies by not giving it the exercise it needs. On top of that, we put in a lot of junk food.
Also, studies have shown that mental and physical health are correlated.
So take care of your body.
- Laugh More
Even though people have almost everything they can imagine, most of them aren’t happy.
You should practice laughing more.
If you tend to become depressed, you can ameliorate this by laughing more.
- Take More Risks
Taking more risks opens up new opportunities.
People often avoid taking the roads less traveled.
But the more risks you take in your life, the more unique experiences you gather.
Once you walk the less traveled road and overcome the hurdles along the way, your life’s quality and richness get improved.
Therefore, take more risks. Don’t fear. You never know what’s waiting for you on the other side of the risk.
- Time Is Money
We all have same allotment of twenty-four hours in a day. What separates the people who create great lives from the also-rans is how they use these hours.
Most people think that time is infinite. This is a myth.
You should consider your time as money.
Would you squander your money if you have a limited amount? Obviously, not.
When you realize that life is short and time is limited, you become cautious about how you spend your life moments.
- Take Action
Most people slip into the addiction of thinking and never put the efforts to accomplish their goals. Put simply, they keep dreaming and never take any action to realize them.
So don’t just sit and dream all day.
Take action.
- Enjoy The Process
It’s in the process that you grow and become better.
Some people get so focused on accomplishing goals. But they forget that it’s those hardships that constitute the fun part.
Life isn’t about the reward or the end goal; it’s about the journey that you experience.
- Rewrite Your Story
Imagine if you had the chance to rewrite the story of your life.
What part of your life would you change?
Sadly, you can’t change the past. What’s done is done.
Fortunately, you can plan and rewrite your life’s story by finding out what needs to be changed in your life.
Grab a pen and write down what’s really holding you from living a life you want to live.
- Never Hesitate To Ask For Help
Sometimes, people feel embarrassed and hesitate to ask for help.
You should understand that there are times when you don’t get something unless you ask for it.
- Find Meaning In Your Work
Whatever you do in your daily life, it must have some meaning.
Because if you don’t find meaning in what you do, it’s meaningless.
Try to find a higher purpose for your work.
- Watch Uplifting Movies
Instead of watching the news and tv shows all day, you can watch some positive and motivational movies.
For example, you can watch documentaries of great people like Steve Jobs.
- Have Great Friends
Cultivating friendships is one of the surest ways to find more happiness and joy in your life.
Friendships and relationships help us in being resilient in tough times.
Also, great friends help you in achieving more in life.
- Develop Invaluable Skills
You should develop invaluable skills within yourself.
Those skills will help you grow professionally.
- See Your Day As A Life
Don’t think that life is long. See your life as a set of many mini-lives.
Let me explain.
Would you play Counter-Strike full day if you knew that you’re going to die tomorrow?
No way, unless your life doesn’t have any meaning.
Thinking your day as life gives you a clear picture of your top priorities.
And therefore, you only do those things that matter the most to you.
- Take The Control Of Your Life
You must take charge of your life.
Start with small things. Try to be deliberate in what you do.
- Worry Less
There are so many things you can’t change in your life.
For example, you can’t stop an alien invasion. Or you can’t stop gravity from pulling objects. Such things are beyond our control.
We often tend to worry a lot about things that aren’t in our control.
What’s the point of worrying and taking so much stress when you don’t have the power to change everything.
It’s understandable that a little worrying and stress is often helpful and helps us focus more, but do it too much, and you might get yourself into trouble.
Therefore, worry less. Find things that are in your control.
Live life with fewer worries.
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What if it Does Work Out? How a Side Hustle Can Change Your Life by Susie Moore | Book Summary
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What If It Does Work Out? How a Side Hustle Can Change Your Life by Susie Moore
What allows you to make extra money, use that talent of yours in a way you can’t with your day job and hedge your bets against an uncertain economy? Side hustle.
But it’s not always a breeze. You will need a combination of creative thinking and hard work to attract your first clients and build your brand. Add onto that the need to manage cash flow, handle various administrative tasks, etc. What If It Does Work Out is written to help you overcome these challenges and bring your side hustle ideas to life.
First, How Can I Get Past My Fear?
These are probably the worst things you are thinking can happen when you launch your side hustle:
- You happen to lose some money in setup costs.
- You change your mind about your side hustle idea.
- People laugh when you tell them about it.
- You don’t know what to do or how to start.
- You start and then quit.
- You never make any money from it.
- Your company/boss is not supportive.
- You find your passion disappointing.
- You aren’t good at your side hustle.
- Someone says “I told you so.”
Perhaps the worst that can happen is your side hustle builds, you quit your job to focus on it full time, and for whatever reason your new income flow is not financially sustainable. SO WHAT? If it does fail, most of the time you can get another job and then reassess. This is especially true if you keep your network alive! Keeping in touch with people is important and when you do, almost nothing in career-land is irreversible.
How Can I Find My Side Hustle?
- Think of 3 big problems you’ve solved or successes you’ve had.These don’t have to be work-related. And they don’t have to be impressive by anyone else’s standards. Just brainstorm three things that you’re proud to have achieved or three problems you’re proud to have solved.
- Now, Identify the skills that helped you achieve these three things.It’s so rare that we take time to acknowledge all that we’ve done and all that we’re capable of. But it’s essential to recognize your strengths if you want to build a successful side hustle. Let your mind explore everything you bring to the table that allowed you to achieve those accomplishments or solve those problems.
- Think about how you can apply your skills in a new way. Remember, a successful side hustle is all about doing the best you can with what you have. What you have is a clear set of skills that have already proven to get you results.
Am I Ready Now?
Like many things in life, conditions are never perfect and it never feels like the exact right time to embark on the adventurous journey of launching a business. The same is true with your side hustle. You will never, ever, ever be “ready” to start a side hustle. The sooner you understand this, the better. Getting started now just means that you arrive at your destination sooner.
Second, there’s a mistake that we think we are taking action. Maybe we’re doing research, taking a course, going to a million galleries, or reading a thousand books, and we feel we should get the credit for exploring our idea. Not so fast! Consuming relevant materials matters, but it alone won’t result in anything apart from your own increasing knowledge. And the purpose of knowledge is to be used. To inspire. To lead you to create. Knowledge, as Napoleon Hill says in Think and Grow Rich, is only “potential power.” You’ve got to do the work as well.
Think Big But Start Small
Let’s get real for a minute here. Say you wanted to take one or two days off work to do some research on your side hustle, bang out some meetings or finally complete your book; Cheryl Strayed went to the woods for three weeks to complete her best-selling book, Wild, even though she had small children. This is just one of many examples.
The good news is you can do it too! No one else’s life is going to drastically change because you press “pause” on your other obligations. So many people think: Time off? No way! Not me, I can’t. Their involvement seems too crucial to step away even briefly. But even the president of the United States takes time off. Sometimes when we fear something it seems more serious than it is. What we think might happen is often so far removed from reality.
Remember this: It’s a side hustle! While you build your new business you will still be busy with a job that pays the bills. But this is not an excuse to go slow or to put it off. There is an old Chinese proverb that I love: “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is today.” The future is created in the present moment. Let go of your fear, and leap. Do it now, do it now, do it now.
Tell Stories
There are three things you need to craft when pitching a story:
- Keep it personal. People love to connect on a human leveland we all love stories.
- Speak about bringing value to an audience.
- Stay current. You are likely to get a higher success rate when you pitch ideas that are relevant and topical.
Above all, be prepared to put yourself out there. These days that doesn’t just have to be in the real world but it can be through online and social relationships as well. Every conversation, and I mean every conversation, can create business for you, whether it be an idea, a contact, or an invaluable second opinion, all the way through to a contract or sale.
Work On Your Elevator Pitch
Every side hustler needs an elevator pitch. Now, what is an elevator pitch, exactly? It’s a way to simply and easily describe your product or service in a snap. More than anything, it needs to be clear and concise to draw people in.
First, the elevator pitch should answer the question, “Who are you?” and your enthusiastic description of your unique skills.
Here are some examples:
My name is Katy.
I am a photographer.
I specialize in maternity photos.
What I do is help women feel their most gorgeous, natural, and comfortable in their beautiful final stages of pregnancy.
What makes me the best is how I help women feel at ease so that their true essence comes through on camera and shows in the results.
Could this be useful to someone you know?
I take new client consultations Tuesdays and Thursdays after 6 p.m.
Be Patient With Content Marketing
You may hear the term “content marketing” thrown around a lot. What is it? Simply producing and sharing valuable content, for free, with the intent to make a sale in the future—from how to style your hair with a beachy wave to how to whip up the perfect summer salad. Pure and simple.
Whether it’s through blog posts, video tutorials, webinars or free samples, people want to “try before they buy.” Content marketing builds familiarity and trust, but it also takes time. And this is where most people slip up. The average blogger gives up after their first post—they get frustrated about the fact that they aren’t famous or making money after five minutes. But guess what? As with any business, it takes time and consistency before anyone notices you.
Advice on Pricing
There are two main risks here: overpricing and underpricing.
If you overprice, you will hurt your sales, box clients out, and struggle to get crucial testimonials and have sufficient “wins” in your business. You will be inaccessible to your target audience.
But most common in side hustles is not overpricing, it’s underpricing. If you underprice you will kill your margins and your product/service might appear “cheap.” Many people equate price with value, so if you are too far on the lower end the assumption might be that your product or service is simply no good. Which is not necessarily true! It just means that sneaky impostor syndrome has got you too scared to raise your rate more in line with your market.
The best way to kick off your pricing is to know your competition: What is the going rate for your product/service on the market? How do you compare in terms of quality, expertise, and experience?
What You Don’t Know About Failure
Here is what you need to remind yourself of when you experience rejection in your side hustle. You are not alone. Oprah Winfrey was pulled off the air as an evening news reporter and was told that she was “unfit for TV.” Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Walt Disney was fired from a local newspaper when his editor told him he lacked imagination.
Everyone should be sacked at least once in their career because perfection doesn’t exist.
- Rowling admits that her first Harry Potter book was rejected by twelve publishing houses. Twelve! Here is what she said, “Failure in life is inevitable.It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default.”
There is much value in failing! Don’t let personal or professional setbacks negatively impact your outlook: reframe them as learning and growth opportunities.
The Possibilities Are Endless
Here is a little universal truth that not everyone is aware of. When you walk in the direction of your dreams, take action, get busy, and gain momentum, the universe greets you halfway. In times of doubt, guard your thoughts like a bulldog. When doubt creeps in, defer to why it will work out (spoiler: it always does).
It’s not for the money. It’s not to be a CEO of something. It’s not to have full creative control or to one day hand in that overdue resignation letter. It’s because you have to. It’s because your contribution matters
What Will You Do Now?
Yes, you’ve learnt tips, tools and positive self-talk that hopefully save you some frustration. But what’s more important than the advice? Your inner wisdom. The wisdom that’s compelling you to create something. That whisper that pushes you forward, the one that won’t let up even when you feel down. The voice that urges you to forge ahead.
Honor that wisdom. It’s not wrong. It asks you, “Hey, what if it does work out?”
So let’s find out.
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The Hidden Psychology of Social Networks: How Brands Create Authentic Engagement by Understanding What Motivates Us by Joe Federer
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The Hidden Psychology of Social Networks: How Brands Create Authentic Engagement by Understanding What Motivates Us by Joe Federer
From the former Head of Brand Strategy at Reddit comes a proven and thought-provoking approach to the digital economy and how brands can create authentic engagement that is rooted in the fundamental motivations behind human psychology.
Leading marketing practitioner and thought leader Joe Federer draws on evolutionary biology, anthropology, neuroanatomy, and psychology, as well as more than a decade of hands-on experience, to explain why people act so differently in various online spaces and what they are seeking from participating in each one. With a framework based on Freud’s Id, Ego, and Superego model of the human psyche, he demonstrates how the internet is a digital reflection of the collective human psyche and how different social networks correspond to different mindsets: platforms like Reddit to the unfiltered Id, Facebook and Twitter to the managed Ego, and Instagram to the ideal Superego.
In the same way you behave differently when you’re home alone, out with friends, communicating with family, or interacting with coworkers, people act and express themselves differently in these various online spaces.
Context matters. Understanding this will enable you to develop and execute effective engagement strategies to reach your target audiences on each social network. Learn:
- how to create content that drives sharing and word-of-mouth
- how brands can fit natively into different types of social channels
- how to balance branded social presences across different networks
- why authenticity will only grow in importance to consumers
Fascinating and deeply compelling, The Hidden Psychology of Social Networks will equip you to make vastly more efficient use of your media buys, establish more thoughtful strategies, develop better creative, and, in the end, deliver more effective marketing that provides value.
What’s in a meme?
A meme in the traditional, biological sense is simply a “unit of idea” or a “unit of culture.” A meme machine is the format used to communicate an idea or meme. In order for our brand messages (memes) to effectively drive engagement, we should express them in the lightest, most accessible formats (meme machines).
The Importance of the Format of a Meme
The meme machine is just as important as the meme. The format of a piece of content is just as important as the subject of that content.
- When creating branded content, look for comparable content that has successfully generated engagement organically, and use that successful organic content as inspiration.
- Be willing to break out of the advertiser comfort zone (that is, video). Test new formats and ways of expressing your messages, and you may well discover new, more efficient ways of sharing those messages.
- Evaluate content performance with metrics that are tied to real value. Social actions and earned reach are both examples of common metrics that help measure how successfully a message spreads.
- Whenever possible, messages should be shared in “complete meme machines” that allow people to derive the value of a piece of content directly in their social feeds.
Wearing our memes: The Ideal Self, Managed Self, and True Self
- In managed self networks, we’re connected to our offline friends, and we are identified as our offline selves. We represent a version of ourselves consistent with the persona we wear offline.
- In ideal self networks, we manifest our Superegos. We’re connected to some of our offline friends, but we’re also discoverable to a network of people who don’t know us. We represent an idealized version of ourselves.
- In true self networks, we’re disconnected from our offline selves and our offline friends. In this Id space, we have the ability to explore new interests and express ourselves in ways that we may not be comfortable with in Ego and Superego spaces
The Ego and the Conscious Center of Action
Ego networks are those in which we’re connected to the people we know offline and are identified as our offline selves. We’re most tangibly connected to people who know the “real” us, and we’re simultaneously in a mode of self-representation and social connection.
- To drive meaningful engagement in Ego networks, we not only need to brand ourselves but help our audience represent themselves to their friends.
- We can help our audience represent themselves by championing shared perspectives, sparking conversations between connections, or otherwise creating content that allows our audience to build their identity through our brand meaning.
- Brands that represent embarrassing or personally revealing information may struggle in Ego space, but there are paths to success through humor and commiseration.
Superego Networks and the Expression of the Ideal Self
Superego networks are ones in which we’re usually identifiable as our offline selves, have some connection to the people we know offline, and simultaneously have the potential to reach an entire network of people we don’t know yet. We’re representing idealized versions of ourselves.
- To drive engagement in Superego networks, we have to create content that aligns with some aspect of people’s ideal selves. That requires an honest, self-aware understanding of what our brand represents.
- Nearly every piece of content with which a person engages in Superego space is in some way badgeworthy.
- Social status is extremely important in Superego networks, and we can demonstrate our status through high levels of engagement, growing our following, and partnering with other reputable influencers and brands.
- Influencer integrations can be strong tactics for building relevance and lifting social status, but they must feel organic in order to meaningfully sway opinions
The Id and the Unconscious Self
Id networks are those in which we’re disconnected from our offline identities and organized around common interests and ideas. We’re more expressive and more willing to explore new ideas.
- Because we’re organized around common interests and exposed to more shared experiences, Id networks foster a sense of community that’s distinctly different from identity-based social platforms.
- To drive meaningful engagement in Id networks, we must appeal to the community rather than to the individual, which means fostering group conversation and creating content with depth.
- Members of Id network communities trust the opinions and information uplifted by the group. In order to change brand perception, we should address the community, not just individual members.
- Because users are their most transparent, candid selves in Id networks, we should aspire to be our most transparent, candid selves as brands too. PR and marketing-speak almost always backfire in Id network community relations
Five Lessons for Honing a Social Strategy
- Social listening is absolutely critical, and it should be considered an ongoing part of any brand’s social media strategy. It should occur at the level of trend, of category, of brand, and of content itself.
- Choose as many social channels as can be well executed. Less is more when strapped for resources. One or two great brand presences will almost always trump a handful of mediocre ones.
- Create synergy between left and right brain strategies whenever possible.Manifest behaviors that reinforce brand positioning and connect meaningfully with people (right brain). Then tell stories about those behaviors in ways that appeal to a broad audience (left brain).
- Start the creative process with the most competitive channels in mind.It’s easier for an engaging piece of content from social media to adapt to TV than the other way around.
- Utilize timing as a tactic when relevant to a broader strategy,but don’t rely on real-time content to carry the social media strategy. Strive to create consistently high-engagement evergreen content before investing heavily in real-time content development
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How To Live: 27 Conflicting Answers and One Weird Question by Derek Sivers
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How To Live: 27 Conflicting Answers and One Weird Question by Derek Sivers
From the author of ‘Anything You Want’, ‘Hell Yeah or No’, and ‘Your Music and People’, comes a book offering 27 different answers to the question of how to live your life. A pioneer in the music business and creator of CD Baby, Derek Sivers spent 4 years of his life condensing everything he’d ever learned into this work, seeking to succinctly answer one of life’s biggest questions: ‘How To Live’. Sivers offers thought-provoking (and often contradictory) advice on being independent, commitment, broadening experience, minimalism and the art of doing nothing, thinking long term, connecting with the world, making memories, mastery of skills, the advantage of randomness, pursuing pain, instant gratification and doing what you want now, being a famous pioneer, chasing the future, the value of what has endured, learning, following great teachings, laughing and humor in life, preparing for the worst, living for others, getting rich, reinventing yourself, love, creativity, staying alive, making mistakes, making change, and life balance.
- Be independent
Being fully independent is how to live.
“If you weren’t dependent on income, people, or technology, you would be truly free. The only way to be deeply happy is to break all dependencies.”
“Most problems are interpersonal. To be part of society is to lose a part of yourself … Do what you’d do if you were the only person on Earth.”
“Don’t let ideas into your head or heart without your permission.”
“You can’t be free without self-mastery … When you say you want more freedom from the world, you may just need freedom from your past self. You don’t see things as they are. You see them as you are.”
“Learn the skills you need to be self-reliant.”
- Commit
Committing is how to live.
“No choice is inherently the best. What makes something the best choice? You. You make it the best through your commitment to it. Your dedication and actions make any choice great.”
“When you commit to one outcome, you’re united and sharply focused. When you sacrifice your alternate selves, your remaining self has amazing power.”
“The more social ties we have, the happier we are. The bond of friendship is one of the deepest joys in life. Notice those words: ties, bond. These are words of commitment. We say we want freedom, in theory. But we actually prefer this warm embrace.”
“Commit to your habits to make them rituals. If it’s not important, never do it. If it’s important, do it every day.”
“Commitment gives you peace of mind. When you commit to one thing, and let go of the rest, you feel free.”
- Fill your senses
Filling your senses is how to live.
“See it all. Touch it all. Hear it all. Taste it all. Do it all. Appreciate this wonderful physical world.”
“Life is short. How to experience it all? Here’s the key: Here’s your mission: Nothing twice.”
“This is good for you. The variation in diet is good for your health. The new situations are great for your brain.”
“Have no expectation of how something should be, or you won’t see how it really is.”
“How amazing that everything you’re doing is both the first and last time. The thrill of the first. The sentimentality of the last.”
- Do nothing
Doing nothing is how to live.
“Stop all the thinking and doing. Be still and silent. No actions and no reactions. No judgments and no conclusions. No craving and no fixing.”
“Change your need to change things. In your most peaceful moments, your mind is quiet. You’re not thinking you should be doing anything else. When everything feels perfect, you say, ‘I wouldn’t change a thing.’ So, live your whole life in this mindset.”
“Shallow rivers are noisy. Deep lakes are silent.”
“Most actions are a pursuit of emotions. You think you want to take action or own a thing. But what you really want is the emotion you think it’ll bring.”
“Your whole experience of life is in your mind. Focus on your internal world, not external world.”
- Think super-long-term
Thinking super-long-term is how to live.
“Serve the future. Do small things now with huge benefits for your older self, your descendants, and future generations.”
“Only spend money on things that do long-term good, like education. In other words, never spend, only invest.”
“Many huge achievements are just the result of little actions done persistently over time.”
“When you choose a behavior, you choose its future consequences.”
“Short-term thinking is the root of most of our problems, from pollution to debt, both personal and global.”
- Intertwine with the world
The way to live is to spread your seeds widely before you die.
“We’re all cousins. Everybody on Earth, no matter how far apart, has a surprisingly recent common ancestor.”
“If you want a successful network of connections, what matters is not how many people you know but how many different kinds of people you know. Building relationships worldwide brings more opportunity, more variety, and more chance for circumstance.”
“You can’t see your own culture while you’re inside of it. Once you get out and look back, you can see which parts of your personality actually come from your environment.”
“Raise your kids with many influences, many parents, and many families. Help raise other people’s kids for the same reason.”
“Some say ‘blood is thicker than water,’ as if only your immediate relatives have blood. But everyone has blood, and you’re related to all of them.”
- Make memories
Making memories is how to live.
“If you can’t remember something, it’s like it never happened. You could have a long healthy life, but if you can’t remember it, it’s like you had a short life.”
“To enjoy your past is to live twice. Nostalgia links your past and present.”
“Your memories are a mix of fact and fiction. Your story about an experience overwrites your memory of the actual experience.”
“The more something means to you, the more you’ll remember it. Give moments meaning to remember them. Take away meaning to forget.”
“Without memories, you have no sense of self. You have to remember your past to see your trajectory. You use your past to make your future.”
- Master something
Pursuing mastery is how to live.
“Mastery is the best goal because the rich can’t buy it, the impatient can’t rush it, the privileged can’t inherit it, and nobody can steal it.”
“People at the end of their life, who said they were the happiest with their life, were the ones who had spent the most time in the flow of fascinating work.”
“The more you learn about something, the more there is to learn. You see what normal people don’t see. The path gets more and more interesting as you go.”
“If you haven’t decided what to master, pick anything that scares you, fascinates you, or infuriates you.”
“Mastery is not about doing many things. It’s doing one thing insanely well. The more you take on, the less you’ll achieve. Say no to everything but your mission. This is your one contribution to the world.”
- Let randomness rule
Letting randomness rule is how to live.
“Choose a life where you choose nothing. Let the random generator decide what you do, where you go, and who you meet.”
“Eventually, you’ll look, act, and socialize very differently than your previous self. You won’t define yourself by these things anymore, since you didn’t choose them.”
“Randomness helps you learn acceptance. You can’t take the blame for failures. You can’t take credit for successes. You can’t regret what you didn’t cause.”
“How liberating to not decide and not predict anything. Stoics and Buddhists work hard to feel indifferent to outcomes. But you’ll feel detachment as a natural side effect of every day being random. Since nothing has consequences, you’ll greet everything with healthy indifference.”
“You’ll be living a lesson that everyone should learn. Random stuff happens. All you can control is your response.”
- Pursue pain
Steering towards the pain is how to live.
“Everything good comes from some kind of pain. Muscle fatigue makes you healthy and strong. The pain of practice leads to mastery. Difficult conversations save your relationships.”
“Remember the classic story arc of the hero’s journey. The crisis — the most painful moment — defines the hero.”
“Choosing pain makes it bearable. It loses its power to hurt you. You become its master, not victim.”
“Since you can’t avoid problems, just find good problems. Happiness isn’t everlasting tranquility. Happiness is solving good problems.”
“The English word ‘passion’ comes from the Latin word ‘pati’, meaning ‘to suffer or endure’. To be passionate about something is to be willing to suffer for it — to endure the pain it’ll bring.”
- Do whatever you want now
Doing whatever you want, at every moment, is how to live.
“The only real time is this moment. So live accordingly. Whatever benefits you right now is the right choice.”
“When people ask the meaning of life, they’re looking for a story. But there is no story. Life is a billion little moments. They’re not a part of anything.”
“If you want to do something, do it now. If you don’t want to do it now, then you don’t want to do it at all, so let it go.”
“Most problems are not about the real present moment. They’re anxiety, worried that something bad might happen in the future. They’re trauma, remembering something bad in the past. But none of them are real.”
“Happiness is something to do, someone to love, and something to desire. Heaven is not what’s at the end of the path. Heaven is the path itself.”
- Be a famous pioneer
Being a famous pioneer is how to live.
“This is the power of the pioneer: To enable the impossible. To open a new world of possibility. To show others that they can do it too, and take it even further.”
“Modern explorers like Tim Ferriss, Neil Strauss, and A.J. Jacobs, instead of finding unknown lands, are finding unknown lifestyles. Each of them shows new possibilities for the rest of us.”
“Pioneers have a massive impact on the world because their stories help people do things they wouldn’t have dreamed of otherwise. A famous pioneer does more for human progress than a billion others who live a normal life.”
“If you want to help humanity while having the most exciting life, then the way to live is to be a famous pioneer.”
“Your job is not just to act, but to tell a fascinating story of how you did so, and inspire others to do it. Make great adventures, but tell greater stories. Pursue massive media attention, not for vanity or ego, but so your stories can open minds, spark imaginations, and lead to further explorations.”
- Chase the future
Chasing the future is how to live.
“Live in the world of tomorrow. Surround yourself only with what’s brand new and upcoming. That’s where life is made. It’s the most optimistic environment, full of hope and promises.”
“Since everything will always be new, you won’t rely on assumptions or habits. You’ll pay full attention and keep learning every day.”
“Ownership binds you to the past. Don’t get invested in any one thing. Stay immersed only in what’s coming next.”
“Spend your social time meeting new people. You’re not the same person you were last year or even last week.”
“The best benefit of living this way is how you cut all ties and never look back. Every day will be like amnesia. Whatever traumatic thing might have happened in your past, it no longer defines you. In your world, the past has no power at all.”
- Value only what has endured
The way to live is to ignore everything new.
“The pleasure of buying a new thing disappears in days, even hours. So much misery comes from indulgences in current junk.”
“Ignore all marketing and advertising. Nobody is pushing what really matters. Friendships, nature, family, learning, community. The best things in life aren’t things.”
“Watch the greatest movies of all time. Read the classics. Listen to the legends. These things have lasted because they work so well. Time is the best filter.”
“Technology advances faster than wisdom. It’s smarter to move at wisdom’s pace.”
“Learn time-tested skills that were just as useful in your grandparents’ time as they are today. Speaking, writing, gardening, accounting, persuasion, and survival skills.”
- Learn
Learning is how to live.
“Learning is underrated. People wonder why they’re not living their ideal life. Maybe they never learned how.”
“If you’re not embarrassed by what you thought last year, you need to learn more and faster.”
“Be surprised by something every day. Find that exciting moment when you get a completely new perspective … If you’re not having these moments often, find new inputs.”
“Knowledge is often described simply — ‘in a nutshell’. But the inside of a nutshell is complex. So crack open nutshells to understand them better. Put concepts in a nutshell to keep them in your pocket and pass them around.”
“Learning makes you a better person and makes the world a better place. Learning is a pursuit you can’t lose. As you age, you’ll lose muscle and beauty, but you won’t lose your wisdom.”
- Follow the great book
Following your book is how to live.
“You know what your great book is. Whether the Bible, Tanakh, Upanishads, Quran, Think and Grow Rich, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, or another, follow it diligently.”
“Your book is the expert on how to live. It’s helped millions of people. Defer to its wisdom.”
“The human condition remains the same. Your book has all the wisdom you need. Read metaphorically, and apply it to your modern life.”
“Bring your book with you everywhere as a constant reminder and reference. Refer to its rules in every situation, every day.”
“Rules give you freedom from your desires. When you rise above your instincts, you still feel them but no longer do what they say.”
- Laugh at life
Laughing at life is how to live.
“Humor means using your mind beyond necessity, beyond reality, for both noticing and imagining.”
“To laugh at something is to be superior to it. Humor shows internal control.”
“No matter what you need to do, there’s a playful, creative way to do it. Playing gives you personal autonomy and power.”
“You can make light of anything. Respond to life’s events however you want. Nothing has to get you down.”
“Humor helps you see the familiar from a surprising new perspective. It reminds you that there is no grand truth.”
- Prepare for the worst
Preparing for the worst is how to live.
“How can you thrive in an unknowable future? Prepare for the worst. Train your mind to be ready for whatever may come.”
“Your biggest enemy is insatiability. Recognize your desire to be entertained by life, and break the habit. Practice being happy with what you have.”
“Your circumstances in life don’t actually change your happiness. People who become paralyzed or win the lottery go back to being as happy as they were before. So don’t depend on circumstances. Everything that happens is neutral. Your beliefs label it as good or bad.”
“When something happens, don’t interpret. No story, no ‘should have’, no judgment, not even an opinion. This is seeing clearly.”
“Shallow happy is having a donut. Deep happy is having a fit body. Shallow happy is what you want now. Deep happy is what you want most. Shallow happy serves the present. Deep happy serves the future. Shallow happy is trying to conquer the world. Deep happy is conquering yourself. Shallow happy is pursuing pleasure. Deep happy is pursuing fulfillment. Fulfillment is more fun than fun.”
- Live for others
Living for others is how to live.
“What’s good for your community is good for you. Whatever affects others affects you. The quality of your life is tied to the quality of your community, neighborhood, and country. You can’t be healthy in a sick society.”
“Psychologists, philosophers, and religions all agree on one thing. Helping others is a better path to happiness than helping only yourself.”
“Success in business comes from helping people — bringing the most happiness to the most people. The best marketing is being considerate. The best sales approach is listening. Serve your clients’ needs, not your own. Business, when done right, is generous and focused on others. It draws you out of yourself, and puts you in service of humanity.”
“Share everything you do, even though it’s extra work. It’s giving yourself to the world.”
“Your caring should grow until it reaches past your community, past your country, past your generation, and past your species.”
- Get rich
Getting rich is how to live.
“Money is nothing more than a neutral exchange of value. Making money is proof you’re adding value to people’s lives. Aiming to get rich is aiming to be useful to the world. It’s striving to do more for others. Serving more. Sharing more. Contributing more. The world rewards you for creating value.”
“Money is social. It was invented to transfer value between people.”
“Charge for what you do. It’s unsustainable to create value without asking anything in return. Remember that many people like to pay.”
“The more something costs, the more people value it. By charging more, you’re actually helping them use it and appreciate it. Charge more than is comfortable to your current self-image. Value yourself higher, then rise to fit this valuation.”
“Stay frugal. Reducing your expenses is so much easier than increasing your income.”
- Reinvent yourself regularly
The way to live is to regularly reinvent yourself.
“What you call your personality is just a past tendency. New situations need a new response.”
“Putting a label on a person is like putting a label on the water in a river. It’s ignoring the flow of time.”
“At every little decision, ten times a day, choose the thing you haven’t tried. Act out of character. It’s liberating. Get your security not from being an anchor, but from being able to ride the waves of change.”
“Nature changes seasons at regular intervals. So should you. We can’t prolong one season. Never stay too long.”
“Every reinvention is the beginning, which is the most exciting time.”
- Love
Loving is how to live.
“Not love, the feeling, but love the active verb. It’s not something that happens to you. It’s something you do.”
“Work is love in action.”
“The more you really connect with people, the more you learn about yourself: what excites you, what drains you, what attracts you, and what intimidates you.”
“Beware of the feeling that someone completes you or will save you. You have wounds in your past. You have needs that were ignored. You seek someone to fill these gaps — someone that has traits you crave. But nobody will save you. You have to fill those gaps yourself.”
“Unless you are drops of liquid, one plus one never equals one. You must both be free and able to live without each other. Be together by choice, not necessity or dependence. Love your partner, but don’t need your partner.”
- Create
Creating is how to live.
“The most valuable real estate in the world is the graveyard. There lie millions of half-written books, ideas never launched, and talents never developed. Most people die with everything still inside of them.”
“The way to live is to create. Die empty. Get every idea out of your head and into reality.”
“When most people see modern art, they think, ‘I could do that!’ But they didn’t. That is the difference between consumer and creator.”
“Most of what you make will be fertilizer for the few that turn out great. But you won’t know which is which until afterward. Keep creating as much as you can.”
“Most creations are new combinations of existing ideas. Originality just means hiding your sources.”
- Don’t die
Not dying is how to live.
“There’s only one law of nature: if you survive, you win.”
“Avoiding failure leads to success. The winner is usually the one who makes the least mistakes.”
“People focus on having the upsides in life. Instead, focus on avoiding the downsides.”
“Don’t waste a single minute. Life can be long if you use time wisely. But wasting time brings death quicker. Time is the only thing that can’t be replaced.”
“Death reminds us that time is limited and precious. Without death, there would be no motivation. Death gives value to life — gives us something to lose.”
- Make a million mistakes
Making a million mistakes is how to live.
“Try absolutely everything, all the time, expecting everything to fail. Just make sure that you capture the lessons from each experience. And never make the same mistake twice.”
“The more mistakes you make, the faster you learn. Once you’ve made all the mistakes in a field, you’re considered an expert.”
“You only really learn when you’re surprised — when your previous idea of something was wrong. If you’re not surprised, it means the new information fits in with what you already know. So try to be wrong. Try to disprove your beliefs.”
“There’s only one difference between a successful person and a failure. A failure quits, which concludes the story, and earns the title.”
“Your growth zone is your failure zone. Both are at the edge of your limits. That’s where you find a suitable challenge. Aim for what will probably fail. If you aim for what you know you can do, you’re aiming too low.”
- Make change
Making change is how to live.
“All progress comes from those who ignore the boundaries, break the rules, or make a whole new game.”
“Begin by righting what’s wrong. Look for what’s ugly: ugly systems, ugly rules, ugly traditions. Look for what bothers you. If you can fix it, do it now.”
“Rearrange and remix. That’s how nature grows. A cow is rearranged grass. All the atoms get reused.”
“Changing the world includes changing yourself. Change your beliefs, preferences, acquaintances, hobbies, location, and lifestyle.”
“Change others. Changing minds and hearts can have more impact than physical change. A great speech can do the work of a thousand soldiers.”
- Balance everything
The way to live is to balance everything.
“Even positive traits, when taken too far, become negative.”
“Virtue is in the balance between extremes.”
“Imagine the different aspects of your life as the spokes in a wheel: health, wealth, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, or however you divide it. If any of these are lacking, it makes a lopsided, wobbly wheel, causing you to crash. But if you keep the parts of your life balanced, your wheel is round, and you can roll easily.”
“Balance input and output, consumption and creation, stability and adventure, body and spirit.”
“By balancing everything in your life, you postpone nothing. You won’t postpone happiness, dreams, love, or expression. You could die happy at any time.”
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Barking up the Wrong Tree by Erin Barker | Book Summary
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Barking Up The Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (mostly) Wrong by Eric Barker
Much of the advice we’ve been told about achievement is logical, earnest…and downright wrong. In Barking Up the Wrong Tree, Eric Barker reveals the extraordinary science behind what actually determines success and most importantly, how anyone can achieve it. You’ll learn:
- Why valedictorians rarely become millionaires, and how your biggest weakness might actually be your greatest strength
• Whether nice guys finish last and why the best lessons about cooperation come from gang members, pirates, and serial killers - Why trying to increase confidence fails and how Buddhist philosophy holds a superior solution
• The secret ingredient to “grit” that Navy SEALs and disaster survivors leverage to keep going
• How to find work-life balance using the strategy of Genghis Khan, the errors of Albert Einstein, and a little lesson from Spider-Man
By looking at what separates the extremely successful from the rest of us, we learn what we can do to be more like them—and find out in some cases why it’s good that we aren’t. Barking Up the Wrong Tree draws on startling statistics and surprising anecdotes to help you understand what works and what doesn’t so you can stop guessing at success and start living the life you want.
Road to ‘Ethical’ Success
Rule 1 – Pick the Right Pond
When you take a job, you should look at the people you’re going to be working with because the odds are you’re going to become like them; they’re not going to become like you. You can’t change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s not going to work.
Rule 2 – Cooperate First
Do quick favors for new acquaintances. Tell other givers that you’re a giver.
Rule 3 – Being selfless isn’t saintly. It’s silly.
A mere 2 hours a week of helping others, volunteering, is enough to get maximum benefits. There’s no need for guilt or excuse for saying you don’t have time to help others.
Rule 4 – Work hard – But make sure it gets noticed.
Every Friday send your boss an email summarizing my accomplishments for the week – nothing fancy.
Rule 5 – Think long term and make others think long term.
Bad behavior (jerks) are strong in the short term but good behavior wins over in the long term.
Rule 6 – Forgive.
Forgiving prevents death spirals. You can’t even always trust yourself. You say you’re on a diet, then someone brings you a donut and I blow it. Does that mean you’re a bad person and you should never trust yourself again? Of course not.
Good Games Are ‘WNGF’
Winnable
What if your boss hates you? Or you’re being discriminated in your workplace? Those games really aren’t winnable. Move on. Find a game you can win.
Novelty
Think back to your first day at job. That certainly wasn’t boring. There was so much to learn, so many new different things to master. Slight overwhelming perhaps, but it was novel and challenging.
6 months later, you’re playing the same level of a game 10 hours a day, 5 days a week for years. That’s not a fun game.
Goals
Goals can be intimidating. We don’t want to fail so often we don’t set them. But if you make your game winnable, setting goals become less scary. Failure is okay in a game. Failure in a game just makes things more fun.
Feedback
Life satisfaction is 22% more likely for those with a steady stream of minor accomplishments than those who express interest only in major accomplishments. Research shows most motivating thing is progress in meaningful work.
Achieve your goals with ‘WOOP’
Wish, but don’t stop there
Outcome see a specific one
Obstacle envision what’s standing in your way
Plan make one
When positive outlook become fantasizing, things go sideways fast. Your emotional brain just can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality.
Watching football doesn’t make you a quarterback, 60 years of sitcoms hasn’t made people funnier and watching Bruce Lee doesn’t teach you to kick ass.
Finding a Mentor: 5 Principles
Be a worthy pupil
Many people want a mentor because they’re too lazy to do the hard work themselves. What makes a mentor want to go an extra mile for me is when you demonstrate You’ve explored every conceivable avenue and can go no further without the mentor’s help.
Study them. Really study them.
Spend the time to be intimately familiar with their work.
Wasting a mentor’s time is a moral sin.
Never ask a mentor a question Google can easily answer for you.
Follow up
Stay in the picture. You’ll easily be forgotten by busy people. Drop emails and questions at an interval that straddles the fine line between bothersome and buzz-worthy.
Make them proud
No mentor wants to feel they wasted their time helping me. In the end your goal and your mentor’s goals should be aligned: to make you awesome. However, there’s a secondary goal here: to make them look good.
Turn Wars into Friendly Negotiations
- Keep calm and slow it down
- Use active listening
- Label Emotions
- Make them think (ask for their help)
Congenital Insensitivity to Pain (CIP)
Patients suffering from CIP live a very hard life, they get burnt, break their bones, get scars but remain unaware of their injuries.
All informal leaders had intensifiers
Informal leaders (who don’t follow rules and regulations to reach to the top) did something groundbreaking in their career are not the leaders who came from Ivy League colleges.
They all had intensifiers which are generally seen as bad but turned out to be good in some situations.
Bad can be good in the right environment
Would you like to be a person with your upper body too long, legs too short, hands and feet too big and gangly arms? No, you won’t. But Michel Phelps is this type of person.
Find situations where your qualities can be used as your strength.
Doing something you are good at makes you less stressed.
Be visible to your boss
More than working hard, it’s more important that your boss thinks you’re working hard.
Do nice guys finish last?
Takers – Successful in short term. In the long run, people see their nature and starts leaving them.
Givers – Some succeed but some get exploited a lot.
Matchers – Wait for someone to initiate a good act. Protect givers.
So, who are the most successful?
Givers who’re prudent enough to realize they’re being exploited end up being very successful.
So nice guys do not finish last.
Gamify Your Life
- Try new things to face new challenges
- Have a clear goal so that goals become winnable
- Take constant feedback from your seniors
- Try gaining new skills and start treating your life as a game
It’s not what you know. It’s who you know.
- You’re more likely to know about new opportunities when you have a big network.
- Getting a job is easier when you have many connections.
- Even if you’re a drug dealer, you’re less likely to go to prison if you’ve got lot of trustworthy friends.
- You’re less likely to be happy if you have fewer friends in your workplace.
Make Friends without being Awkward (as an Introvert)
- Be a giver.
- Find similarities between me and the other person.
- Meet friends of your existing friends.
- Join groups of your interest.
Man Vs Machine
Biggest chest player of his time lost a match with a computer for the first time in 1997. It was the famous Deep Blue vs Garry Kasparov match.
After 15 years, it was revealed that the moves which led to victory of the machine were not brilliant in any way. In fact, those were just some random moves caused by some bugs in the machine.
Confidence is the name of the game
Garry lost the game because he lost confidence when the machine started making random moves. He though Deep Blue knew what it was doing. He thought the machine is more intelligent than him.
- Successful people are confident.
- With more success, they become more confident. It’s an upward spiral.
- Overconfident people have more chances of getting a promotion and increased productivity.
Pitfalls of overconfidence
- Become more selfish
- More likely to commit infidelity
- Start living in denial
- Stop looking for new ideas
What works better than under confidence and overconfidence? Self-compassion.
When problems emerge, look into them with a problem-solving attitude. When you fail, accept you’re not perfect and try to improve your shortcomings. Become kind not only to yourself also to others.
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The Prosperous Coach: Increase Income and Impact for You and Your Clients Book Summary
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The Prosperous Coach: Increase Income and Impact for You and Your Clients by Steve Chandler and Rich Litvin
The bestselling book for coaches looking to build a practice with a small number of high-performing, high-paying clients. With over 100,000 copies sold, The Prosperous Coach has helped thousands of coaches and consultants build their businesses by invitation and referral only. Show your clients what they cannot see. Say to your clients what no one else would dare to say. And you will have all the clients you ever desire. Whether you are a new coach or you already have a six-figure coaching practice, The Prosperous Coach will show you how to:• Access a set of tools you can use to begin creating your own clients immediately• Sign clients you love while maintaining your integrity• Match your unique skills and talents with the clients you serve• Develop a system that works for you for referrals and new clients, time after time• Make bold, life-changing proposals• Move beyond the deep-seated beliefs that hold most coaches back from success for themselves and their clients• Overcome—forever—the two levels of fear that coaches face• Move from people-pleasing to powerful service• Be a world-class coach with highly committed clients And so much more…
- To get clients, have deep conversations that show the power of coaching
Many beginner coaches are confused about what they need to do to launch their business.
And it’s no wonder! There are so many marketing gurus out there all vomiting different advice at you. Facebook marketing, Instagram, Youtube, Pinterest, paid advertising, and the list goes on and on.
All this conflicting advice makes it difficult to focus and really build your business. So let’s make this really simple…
If you wake up and check your email a dozen times, post on Facebook or Twitter, think about writing a blog post and then spend an hour tinkering with your logo or website design…
…none of that gets you clients!
Here’s a quote, (and this may be the most important quote in the book):
The kind of clients you would love to work with are only created in a conversation. And high-performing, high-paying clients are only created in impactful, life-changing coaching conversations.
Remember this advice comes from two guys who have been professional coaches for years and helped countless other people build a coaching practice.
They say you can only create clients inside of a conversation.
This means every day your number one priority is to spend as much time inside conversations as you can. The more time you spend in conversations with potential clients, the closer to your dream business you will get.
This also means you need to quit spending so much time on all the other activities that “feel” business related, but don’t really get you paying clients, like posting an inspiring quote on Facebook.
What kind of conversations?
Now, it’s important you have the right kind of conversations with potential clients.
We aren’t talking about a light chat in a cafe somewhere. Steve says that establishes a social relationship between you and your prospect, which lowers the chance they will become your client.
Steve and Rich recommend you schedule an initial conversation that lasts about 2 hours. This gives you time to really dig deep into their life situation. It gives you time to find what part of their life you can offer to help with.
You want to have conversations that give the other person a deep and impactful experience of coaching. That’s the best way to make someone realize the value of coaching. Give them a great taste of it.
The struggling coach tries to sell the concept of coaching. The pro coach sells by giving people a powerful experience of coaching.
In other words, don’t try to tell people how great coaching is. Schedule time for a real conversation and show them how great of a difference coaching will make in their life.
Rich began his coaching career by offering hundreds of free 30 minute coaching sessions for “Instant Confidence.” Within 90 days, he had done 400 of these free sessions. And while it was a great way to grow his coaching skills quickly, it was a bad approach to creating clients. These sessions were simply too short to create the long-term committed clients he was looking for.
Action Step: This week make your #1 priority be scheduling and having deep conversations. Every hour you spend outside of a coaching conversation is an hour you did not grow your business.
- To schedule a coaching conversation, just ask if they want help
So how do you invite someone to one of these two-hour conversations?
Well, Steve and Rich share two questions you can use to turn a casual conversation into a potential client.
The first question is: Would you like some help with that? Whenever you are talking to someone and they mention one of their biggest goals, dreams or desires, then you can ask them “Would you like some help with that?” It’s a simple and direct question that can often lead to scheduling a two hour coaching session, which can lead to your next client. All because you asked one question.
The second question is: Who do you know? Here’s an example from the book using this question:
“Christina, can you help me? I have a space available on The Confident Woman’s Salon. It’s a program for nine amazing women. Each woman is powerful, confident and successful. She has already achieved a great deal in life. And despite a track record of success, she is ready for support to achieve a goal that feels ‘impossible’ right now. Do you know a woman like that?”
So this is about knowing exactly what type of client you’re looking for. Then asking the person you’re talking to if they know someone like your ideal client. And even if you think you’re now talking to your ideal client, you can still ask the question this way.
If the person tells you excitedly that they fit your profile of who you’re looking for, then it’s a perfect time to schedule a 2 hour session, to see if you’re really a fit to work together.
Or they may mention a friend that fits your description. If this is the case, then you can dig deeper into why that friend’s name popped up. What goals or challenges are they facing now? Ask the person to recommend you to their friend.
Action Step: Two magic questions you can use to set up conversations are: “Would you like some help with that?” and “Who do you know?” Make sure to slip these into your chats with new people when you see the opportunity.
- Coaching success requires working even when you don’t feel like working
Imagine if a construction worker called his supervisor one morning and said he wasn’t showing up to work today because he didn’t feel “motivated.”
That would be crazy!
But that’s exactly what many beginner coaches do.
What they do today depends on how they feel today. If they don’t feel great, motivated or inspired, then they don’t work on their business. Steve calls this having the professionalism of a toddler.
If you want to succeed in building your coaching practice, then you need to see your work as a blue collar job. Success at a blue-collar job is simple. The more time you work, the more money you make.
Building a coaching business can be equally simple. The more time you spend on the right activities, the more your business will grow. But you need to practice the right activities day by day, whether you feel like it or not. Even when you don’t feel like it.
This is what being a professional is about. (And it’s also what being an adult is about!)
And if you’re following your calling, then I believe you’ll find the strength to do the things you need to do to succeed.
Measure Your Work Activities
One key for this is to measure your activities. Steve says when he started measuring, to the minute, how much time he spent every day really working, working on getting into conversations, his business skyrocketed.
That’s because a lot of the time you think you spend working, you actually waste doing unprofitable activities like checking email, reading Facebook, etc.
The business guru Peter Drucker famously said: “What gets measured, gets managed.”
Awareness is the first step. Becoming fully aware of how much time you spend doing the activities that actually grow your business is the first step. Soon you will naturally focus more and more time on these activities, and your business will grow faster.
Action Step: Create a spreadsheet that tracks how many people you connected with this week, how many you invited to a coaching conversation, how many you sat down with for a 2-hour conversation and finally how much money you asked for in coaching fees this week. (This is an exercise Steve’s coaching clients must email him weekly.)
- Create a body of work (articles, books, speeches, etc) that brings clients to you
Now there is probably a big question burning in your mind:
How do you find people to invite to conversations? They aren’t going to fall out of the sky, after all.
First, Steve and Rich don’t recommend cold calling. Calling strangers to sell them coaching when they don’t know you and you don’t know much about them is usually a waste of time.
Cold emails are also bad. Most people’s inbox is crowded and busy. If you send a long email explaining how your coaching could help someone, Steve says “it will not arrive in the same spirit in which it was sent.” What he means is the noisy inbox is not the right environment to communicate about coaching.
You will increase your business tenfold if you respond to almost every prospect’s long email with the words, “Call me.”
So how do you meet potential clients?
One way is meeting new people in-person. Steve and Rich recommend you first put yourself into a mindset of giving instead of taking, then go and connect with people. Your mindset is important because when you are genuinely interested in how someone’s life is going and what direction it is headed, then you will eventually see some project or challenge that you may be able to support them with.
You can also start by reconnecting with people you already know, like old friends or colleagues. Ask about their life in a genuine way. Or you can go to a social event and initiate contact with people that way.
You can also develop your own intellectual property and a body of work. This is obviously a long-term strategy. Steve Chandler has written dozens of books, on everything from time management to business. Some of the people who read your book will reach out to you, and you can use the opportunity to schedule a conversation.
Also, just the fact that you have written a book will instantly make people see you as an expert. This makes it easier for you to charge higher fees, get speaking engagements and be seen as an authority by your potential clients.
I got the impression Steve and Rich create many of their clients from their speaking. They often speak in front of groups. There will often be someone impressed with their message who will later contact them interested in one-on-one coaching. They will quickly schedule a one-on-one conversation while the enthusiasm is high.
You can’t write a book? No worries! The internet has opened up so many other channels for you to start publishing your thoughts and advice where other people can find it. You can write articles, interview people or get interviewed on podcasts, start a Youtube channel. Just pick the method that resonates best with you and start publishing today.
Action Step: Decide which online channel is the best fit for you. Is it blogging, podcasting or starting a Youtube channel? It all depends on your personal strengths and personality. Then plan out your first piece of content that will attract and help your target client.
- Create personal transformation by helping them uncover what they really, truly want
If you’re a coach, then your job is really to make a difference in someone’s life. It’s amazing if you think about it. It’s a great privilege to be a coach, but it’s not an easy job. So right now we’ll talk about how you can coach more effectively.
How do you really connect with someone in a 2-hour conversation so they feel transformed by the experience and want to hire you?
Steve and Rich say the most important thing is to find the goal underneath their goal. To explain what this means, here’s another quote:
The real magic is in whether you are willing to help your clients dive deeper than they have ever gone into the question: What do you really, really, really, really want? Show up. Be present. Be bold. Coach them powerfully. Be relentless. Be Sherlock Holmes and explore deeper into their lives than anyone has ever gone with them. (…)
When I meet someone interested in coaching, I ask them to tell me about their dreams. And then I help them to dream bigger than they have ever dreamed before. Then I help them see a way they can really, truly create that dream in their life.
You can feel how passionate Steve and Rich are about coaching. They truly believe it can have a life-changing impact in someone’s life. And their energy comes through so well in their writing.
In your first coaching session with someone, the most important thing is for you to find out what they really want.
This may not be what they tell you in the beginning. People are always putting up a social mask, especially when they meet someone new. So the first time you talk to a client, they may present you with a goal that isn’t really what they want, but what they feel they should want… according to their parents, coworkers, society, etc.
So you will need to dig to find what their real goal is, what Steve calls “the goal behind their goal.”
For example, a business owner may come to you with a goal of selling their business for 10 million dollars. At first glance, it looks like their goal is becoming filthy rich. But maybe you dig some more and ask why they want the 10 million dollars. And then you find out they work 100 hours per week now on their business, leaving them no time for family, hobbies or relaxation. And the only way out they can see is to sell their business.
So the real goal isn’t the 10 million, it’s freedom to spend time on other things that matter in their life.
When you find their real goal, you may be able to give them a shortcut to reach it much sooner. For example, you could show the business owner how to hire and train a manager which frees up much of their time.
One way to find their deeper goals is by repeatedly asking: “What else?” With a business owner you could ask, “Once you have the 10 million dollars, what else do you want?” This will lead you deeper into what the person most deeply desires. So remember to ask “What else? What else? And what else?”
Action Step: Next time you’re in a coaching conversation, ask the person what their goals are. But don’t be satisfied by their first answer. Ask “why?” and “what else?” until you have uncovered their deepest goals and true motivations.
- Eliminate your self-doubt by collecting your coaching success stories
A lot of beginner coaches have self-doubt. They are always questioning if they are good enough. This lack of confidence transfers to people they talk to, which makes it hard for them to get clients.
But Steve says it doesn’t matter if you feel worthy or unworthy. You just need to talk about facts and real-life stories that demonstrate your coaching successes. Tell stories in a matter of fact way about how your client achieved an important goal or overcame a problem in their life. If something is a fact that happened, then you can easily talk about it with absolute certainty and confidence. You don’t need to “believe in yourself” to do this.
This is not about bragging. This is about making your client’s decision to work with you easy. Think about it. If someone just met you and wants to work with you, they first need to know that you have the skills to coach people. So you just share what you and your clients have done in the past. People don’t want to work with someone who is shy, meek and humble. They want to work with someone who will help them get what they want. And past client stories prove you have the skills to make a difference in their life.
Casually insert them into the conversation as an example of an idea that you’re talking about. Steve and Rich do this constantly in this book. After talking about an idea, they tell the story of how one of their clients used that idea to be more successful. This both proves their idea works and it makes you see them as credible experts who know what they’re talking about. (In case you haven’t figured it out, this book is one way they can attract and sell themselves to their potential clients.)
Action Step: Make sure you keep a record whenever you get an email or call from someone thanking you for your work. Write down when a client hits an important goal. Read over this list before your coaching conversations to remind yourself of who you are. And most importantly share the stories with potential clients, casually slipping them into the conversation.
- You only get paid by helping someone solve a real problem or achieve a concrete goal
When you first learned about professional coaching, did you feel surprised that people might actually pay just to talk to you? Well, the truth is people don’t pay to talk to you.
They will pay IF they believe talking to you will let them solve some problem in their life or achieve some concrete goal.
And this is where many beginner coaches go wrong. They lose sight of the problems and goals the person sitting in front of them has, and they start “selling coaching.” They start talking about how many hours of coaching there will be, how many times per week their client can email them, what kind of information the client will get, they talk about what style of coaching they practice. This is all about YOU and not about what the client cares about.
Steve Chandler says the biggest mistake coaches make is:
They don’t honor the person they are selling to. They place their own needs and fears ahead of the prospect’s. They don’t enter the prospect’s life and solve a real problem.
That’s the reason he recommends your initial session with a client be 2 hours long. That’s enough time to really dig into their world. That’s enough time to make someone feel comfortable sharing some of their true hopes, fears, and frustrations with you. That’s enough time to see where you have an opportunity to make a real difference and transformation in this person’s life.
Coaching is not about “information.” It is about transformation. Change someone’s life and they will hire you. All other activities are weak-kneed and wimpy and will have you quit this profession in absolute despair.
How much money can you make as a coach?
The truth is, there is no set price. It’s not like most careers where your salary based on your education and years of experience.
You can make as much money as people are willing to pay you.
For example, if someone believes that your $5,000 coaching will help them earn an extra $10,000 this year, then why wouldn’t they pay you that much money? They’re getting a great return on investment. (Many coaches used as examples in this book make six figures or more by selling their coaching as a way to increase your income or grow your business.)
The famous self-help guru Tony Robbins has a few coaching clients he charges ONE MILLION DOLLARS per year. He can do that because he’s a world-famous celebrity at this point, and his clients are world-class athletes, movie stars, CEOs, etc.
But most coaches don’t make that much. One study found that 80% make less than $20,000 per year. Also, most coaches only work part-time, probably having another job or spouse to help support them.
The point is, your value as a coach is not set in stone. There really is no standard “hourly rate” for coaches because each one might specialize in helping people solve a different problem. Your fees really depend on how big of a transformation you can make in your client’s life.
As the billionaire Elon Musk says is: “You get paid in proportion to the difficulty of the problem you solve.”
Action Step: When talking to clients, always keep the focus on what the problem in their life is and what important goals or dreams they want. People only pay for coaching when they believe coaching will improve their life in some concrete way.
- People who “can’t afford your fees” really just don’t want your coaching bad enough
What if someone is interested in your coaching, but it doesn’t look like they will be able to pay you the fees you want?
Here’s a quick personal story. For years I wanted a Leica camera. Leica is a legendary brand in the camera world. Their cameras are beautiful, minimalistic and very very expensive. And for years I told myself that spending thousands of dollars on a camera was a foolish thing to do. But whenever I saw a photo of a Leica I would lust after it until one day I gave in. I bought a used Leica camera and lens from eBay. I can’t say my photography is any better really, but the camera is a joy to use.
And the point of this story is that most people can remember a similar time in their life. A time when you wanted something so badly that you found a way to get the money even though you couldn’t “afford” it. Maybe it was your first car, a fancy camera or a beautiful dress for prom.
People can usually find the money for what they really desire. When they really want something, then suddenly they can find the resources.
Steve has coached a few people who looked like they didn’t have many resources, but after experiencing the powerful benefits of coaching firsthand, they found a way to get the money. Borrowing from a relative, selling things they didn’t need, taking a few extra work shifts, and so on.
So when someone tells you they can’t afford your fees, what that usually means is they don’t want your coaching enough. Perhaps you didn’t give them a powerful enough experience in the conversation. Perhaps you didn’t dig deep enough into their life goals and problems.
Picasso’s napkin
It’s usually a mistake to lower your fees in a hope to sign up another client. If someone complains that your hourly fees are too high, you must make them remember that they are not paying for an hour of your time.
They are paying for skills that have taken you years to develop. They are paying for your accumulated wisdom and knowledge you’ve gathered from all the books you’ve read, courses you’ve attended and the personal development work you’ve done yourself. That is a lifetime of work.
There’s a great story shared in The Prosperous Coach about Picasso the famous painter…
One day Picasso was sitting at a cafe. He drew a small sketch on a napkin.
A lady recognized him. Excited, she asked how much she could pay for the napkin.
Picasso said $20,000.
The lady was shocked. She said, “But it only took you two minutes to draw.”
And Picasso replied, “No, it took me my whole life.”
Wow, now there’s a profound new perspective.
It took Picasso a lifetime of work for him to become Picasso. He was one of the most prolific painters that ever lived, creating tens of thousands of artworks. And he spent decades creating a world-famous brand that now makes his art worth millions of dollars.
Action Step: Don’t lower your fees if someone says they can’t afford it. What it usually means is you didn’t do a good job demonstrating the concrete difference your coaching will make in their life.
- At the end, refocus on what they want and lead them to the signup
Imagine you connected with someone and invited them to a two-hour conversation. It’s going well. You explored their life deeply and found some area you can help.
Now, how can you close the conversation so they sign up as your client?
This is a tricky moment. Many beginner coaches make mistakes here. They become awkward, they sell too hard or they forget to ask the person to sign up as a client.
The good news is, Steve and Rich have been signing up coaching clients for years and they have a couple big tips for you.
Think about the last time you bought a car. How did your conversation with the salesperson end? Probably by talking about price. People are conditioned to talk about price at the end of a business-related conversation.
But you’re not selling a car. You’re selling transformation.
That’s why at the end of the conversation you always want to focus their attention back to the positive vision of what their future could look like.
Here are a few questions Steve and Rich use:
What’s possible for us? What would you like to change? What do you want? Why don’t you have it now?
Tell me what you want and then tell me why it is not in your life right now. If you can tell me why it’s not in your life right now, you and I might be able to create a plan to work together to make that possible for you.
What would that be worth to you? Would those results be worth that investment? You tell me. I’m not going to tell you.
You want the person to focus on how they want their life to change, not on how much you charge. And you want them to tell you in their own words what they imagine a better future to be, and what that future is worth to them. By doing this, the potential client stops worrying about cost and starts to feel their ideal life is possible because they can see it in front of them.
The next thing you must do is lead the conversation. Never expect someone to take the initiative signing themselves up to be your client.
They have come to you to be coached. And part of being a coach is leading. This means it’s your job to direct the conversation where you want it to go. This doesn’t mean you have to be pushy. Steve recommends you ask an innocent question at the end of your coaching session like “Is this something you would like to do?”
If they assure you they are serious about being your client, then you can lead them more. Get them to write down the time and date on the calendar for your second coaching session. Tell them where and how they can make their payment.
Action Step: At the end of the conversation, don’t focus on price. Ask them questions about what they want and why. Finally, you must lead them by asking directly if they want to sign up as your client.
- Always offer some value when you contact a potential client again
What if someone shows interest in your coaching, but they say they need time to “think about it” or talk about the decision with their partner? How should you follow up with them later?
When you contact potential clients again, don’t do it just to and see if they have made up their mind yet. That will make people feel an uncomfortable pressure because now they have to think of some way to gently make you go away. Everyone hates needing to reject someone.
Here’s what Steve and Rich recommend you do instead:
If you haven’t heard back, send a gift and a note. Don’t even refer to working together. Contribute and serve. You don’t need them; they need you. Behave accordingly.
So if you contact people again after the coaching conversation, always offer some kind of value like a new idea, story or recommendation. This lets you stay in touch without people feeling uncomfortable pressure.
Remember that the relationship between a coach and client is usually a long-term and intimate relationship. That’s something people may not feel comfortable jumping into right away. But if you stay in touch with your potential clients (always offering value when you contact them), then a few months or a year down the line they may be ready to sign up as your client.
Not being needy is so important because people want what they can’t have, and they run away from things that chase them. It’s just part of human nature that limitation and scarcity are valuable. People want things that are a little out of their reach. That’s why many people dream about Lamborghini cars or Luis Vitton handbags. That’s why it’s better your clients feel that you want them but you don’t need them.
Action Step: Don’t email someone just to check if they have decided to be your client. Always email them offering some value, like an idea, anecdote or recommendation.
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The Inner Game of Tennis | Mental Side of Peak Performance by W. Timothy Gallwey | Book Summary
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The Inner Game of Tennis: The Classic Guide to the Mental Side of Peak Performance by W Timothy Gallwey
This phenomenally successful guide to mastering the game from the inside out has become a touchstone for hundreds of thousands of people. Based on W. Timothy Gallwey’s profound realization that the key to success doesn’t lie in holding the racket just right, or positioning the feet perfectly, but rather in keeping the mind uncluttered, this transformative book gives you the tools to unlock the potential that you’ve possessed all along.
“The Inner Game” is the one played within the mind of the player, against the hurdles of self-doubt, nervousness, and lapses in concentration. Gallwey shows us how to overcome these obstacles by trusting the intuitive wisdom of our bodies and achieving a state of “relaxed concentration.” With chapters devoted to trusting the self and changing habits, it is no surprise then, that Gallwey’s method has had an impact far beyond the confines of the tennis court.
Whether you want to play music, write a novel, get ahead at work, or simply unwind after a stressful day, Gallwey shows you how to tap into your utmost potential. No matter your goals, The Inner Game of Tennis gives you the definitive framework for long-term success.
Introduction
Every game is composed of two parts, an outer game and an inner game. The outer game is played against an external opponent to overcome external obstacles, and to reach an external goal.
It is the thesis of this book that neither mastery nor satisfaction can be found in the playing of any game without giving some attention to the relatively neglected skills of the inner game.
This is the game that takes place in the mind of the player, and it is played against such obstacles as lapses in concentration, nervousness, self-doubt and self-condemnation. In short, it is played to overcome all habits of mind which inhibit excellence in performance.
The player of the inner game comes to value the art of relaxed concentration above all other skills; he discovers a true basis for self-confidence, and he learns that the secret to winning any game lies in not trying too hard.
This process doesn’t have to be learned; we already know it. All that is needed is to unlearn those habits which interfere with it and then to just let it happen.
Reflections on the Mental Side of Tennis
The most common complaint of sportsmen ringing down the corridors of the ages is, “It’s not that I don’t know what to do, it’s that I don’t do what I know!”
Other common complaints that come constantly to the attention of the tennis pro: I play better in practice than during the match. I know exactly what I’m doing wrong on my forehand, I just can’t seem to break the habit. When I’m really trying hard to do the stroke the way it says to in the book, I flub the shot every time. When I concentrate on one thing I’m supposed to be doing, I forget something else. Every time I get near match point against a good player, I get so nervous I lose my concentration. I’m my own worst enemy; I usually beat myself.
So I started by telling Paul I was trying something new: I was going to skip entirely my usual explanations to beginning players about the proper grip, stroke and footwork for the basic forehand. Instead, I was going to hit ten forehands myself, and I wanted him to watch carefully, not thinking about what I was doing, but simply trying to grasp a visual image of the forehand. He was to repeat the image in his mind several times and then just let his body imitate. After I had hit ten forehands, Paul imagined himself doing the same. Then, as I put the racket into his hand, sliding it into the correct grip, he said to me, “I noticed that the first thing you did was to move your feet.” I replied with a noncommittal grunt and asked him to let his body imitate the forehand as well as it could. He dropped the ball, took a perfect backswing, swung forward, racket level, and with natural fluidity ended the swing at shoulder height, perfect for his first attempt!
I was beginning to learn what all good pros and students of tennis must learn: that images are better than words, showing better than telling, too much instruction worse than none, and that trying often produces negative results. One question perplexed me: What’s wrong with trying? What does it mean to try too hard?
A player in this state knows where he wants the ball to go, but he doesn’t have to “try hard” to send it there. It just seems to happen—and often with more accuracy than he could have hoped for. The player seems to be immersed in a flow of action which requires his energy, yet results in greater power and accuracy. The “hot streak” usually continues until he starts thinking about it and tries to maintain it; as soon as he attempts to exercise control, he loses it.
The next time your opponent is having a hot streak, simply ask him as you switch courts, “Say, George, what are you doing so differently that’s making your forehand so good today?” If he takes the bait—and 95 percent will—and begins to think about how he’s swinging, telling you how he’s really meeting the ball out in front, keeping his wrist firm and following through better, his streak invariably will end. He will lose his timing and fluidity as he tries to repeat what he has just told you he was doing so well.
The backhand can be used to advantage only on a tennis court, but the skill of mastering the art of effortless concentration is invaluable in whatever you set your mind to.
The Discovery of the Two Selves
Now we are ready for the first major postulate of the Inner Game: within each player the kind of relationship that exists between Self 1 and Self 2 is the prime factor in determining one’s ability to translate his knowledge of technique into effective action. In other words, the key to better tennis—or better anything—lies in improving the relationship between the conscious teller, Self 1, and the natural capabilities of Self 2.
Joan was beginning to sense the difference between “trying hard,” the energy of Self 1, and “effort,” the energy used by Self 2, to do the work necessary. During the last set of balls, Self 1 was fully occupied in watching the seams of the ball. As a result, Self 2 was able to do its own thing unimpaired, and it proved to be pretty good at it. Even Self 1 was starting to recognize the talents of 2; she was getting them together.
Getting it together mentally in tennis involves the learning of several internal skills:
- learning how to get the clearest possible picture of your desired outcomes;
- learning how to trust Self 2 to perform at its best and learn from both successes and failures; and
- learning to see “nonjudgmentally”—that is, to see what is happening rather than merely noticing how well or how badly it is happening.
Quieting Self 1
In short, “getting it together” requires slowing the mind. Quieting the mind means less thinking, calculating, judging, worrying, fearing, hoping, trying, regretting, controlling, jittering or distracting. The mind is still when it is totally here and now in perfect oneness with the action and the actor. It is the purpose of the Inner Game to increase the frequency and the duration of these moments, quieting the mind by degrees and realizing thereby a continual expansion of our capacity to learn and perform.
For most of us, quieting the mind is a gradual process involving the learning of several inner skills. These inner skills are really arts of forgetting mental habits acquired since we were children. The first skill to learn is the art of letting go the human inclination to judge ourselves and our performance as either good or bad. Letting go of the judging process is a basic key to the Inner Game; its meaning will emerge as you read the remainder of this chapter. When we unlearn how to be judgmental, it is possible to achieve spontaneous, focused play.
Thus, judgments are our personal, ego reactions to the sights, sounds, feelings and thoughts within our experience.
It is the initial act of judgment which provokes a thinking process. First the player’s mind judges one of his shots as bad or good. If he judges it as bad, he begins thinking about what was wrong with it. Then he tells himself how to correct it. Then he tries hard, giving himself instructions as he does so. Finally he evaluates again.
After Self 1 has evaluated several shots, it is likely to start generalizing. Instead of judging a single event as “another bad backhand,” it starts thinking, “You have a terrible backhand.” Instead of saying, “You were nervous on that point,” it generalizes, “You’re the worst choke artist in the club.” Other common judgmental generalizations are, “I’m having a bad day,” “I always miss the easy ones,” “I’m slow,” etc.
First the mind judges the event, then groups events, then identifies with the combined event and finally judges itself.
After hitting a number of backhands into the net, the player tells himself that he has a “bad” backhand or at least that his backhand is “off” today. Then he goes to the pro to get it fixed much like a sick person goes to a doctor. The pro is then expected to diagnose the faulty backhand and provide the remedy.
In the Chinese tradition of medicine, patients visit their doctors when they are well and the doctor is expected to keep them well. It would be equally possible, and much less frustrating, to approach the tennis pro with your backhand just the way it is without the judgment.
Be clear about this: letting go of judgments does not mean ignoring errors. It simply means seeing events as they are and not adding anything to them.
Nonjudgmental awareness might observe that during a certain match you hit 50 percent of your first serves into the net. It doesn’t ignore the fact. It may accurately describe your serve on that day as erratic and seek to discover the causes. Judgment begins when the serve is labelled “bad” and causes interference with one’s playing when a reaction of anger, frustration or discouragement follows. If the judgment process could be stopped with the naming of the event as bad, and there were no further ego reactions, then the interference would be minimal.
Judgment results in tightness, and tightness interferes with the fluidity required for accurate and quick movement. Relaxation produces smooth strokes and results from accepting your strokes as they are, even if erratic.
The first step is to see your strokes as they are. They must be perceived clearly. This can be done only when personal judgment is absent. As soon as a stroke is seen clearly and accepted as it is, a natural and speedy process of change begins.
The key that unlocked Jack’s new backhand—which was really there all the time just waiting to be let out—was that in the instant he stopped trying to change his backhand, he saw it as it was. At first, with the aid of the mirror, he directly experienced his backswing. Without thinking or analyzing, he increased his awareness of that part of his swing. When the mind is free of any thought or judgment, it is still and acts like a mirror. Then and only then can we know things as they are.
No matter what a person’s complaint when he has a lesson with me, I have found that the most beneficial first step is to encourage him to see and feel what he is doing—that is, to increase his awareness of what actually is. I follow the same process when my own strokes get out of their groove. But to see things as they are, we must take off our judgmental glasses, whether they’re dark or rose-tinted. This action unlocks a process of natural development which is as surprising as it is beautiful.
Uncomfortable without a standard for right and wrong, the judgmental mind makes up standards of its own. Meanwhile, attention is taken off what is and placed on the process of trying to do things right.
Then I asked the women if they were aware of something different going through their minds during the second series of balls. Each of them reported being less aware of their feet and more intent on trying to keep from hitting balls into the net. They were trying to live up to an expectation, a standard of right and wrong, which they felt had been set before them. This was exactly what had been missing during the first set of balls. I began to see that my compliment had engaged their judgmental minds.
Always looking for approval and wanting to avoid disapproval, this subtle ego-mind sees a compliment as a potential criticism. It reasons, “If the pro is pleased with one kind of performance, he will be displeased by the opposite. If he likes me for doing well, he will dislike me for not doing well.” The standard of good and bad had been established, and the inevitable result was divided concentration and ego-interference.
By ending judgment, you do not avoid seeing what is. Ending judgment means you neither add nor subtract from the facts before your eyes. Things appear as they are—undistorted. In this way, the mind becomes more calm.
THE FIRST INNER SKILL to be developed in the Inner Game is that of nonjudgmental awareness. When we “unlearn” judgment we discover, usually with some surprise, that we don’t need the motivation of a reformer to change our “bad” habits. We may simply need to be more aware. There is a more natural process of learning and performing waiting to be discovered. It is waiting to show what it can do when allowed to operate without interference from the conscious strivings of the judgmental self.
Trusting Self 2
It seems inappropriate to call our bodies derogatory names. Self 2—that is, the physical body, including the brain, memory bank (conscious and unconscious) and the nervous system—is a tremendously sophisticated and competent collection of potentialities. Inherent within it is an inner intelligence which is staggering. What it doesn’t already know, this inner intelligence learns with childlike ease.
As long as Self 1 is either too ignorant or too proud to acknowledge the capabilities of Self 2, true self-confidence will be hard to come by.
It is Self 1’s mistrust of Self 2 which causes both the interference called “trying too hard” and that of too much self-instruction. The first results in using too many muscles, the second in mental distraction and lack of concentration.
Trusting your body in tennis means letting your body hit the ball. The key word is let. You trust in the competence of your body and its brain, and you let it swing the racket. Self 1 stays out of it. But though this is very simple, it does not mean that it is easy.
The relationship between Self 1 and Self 2 is analogous to the relationship between parent and child. Some parents have a hard time letting their children do something when they believe that they themselves know better how it should be done. But the trusting and loving parent lets the child perform his own actions, even to the extent of making mistakes, because he trusts the child to learn from them.
The more important the point, the more Self 1 may try to control the shot, and this is exactly when tightening up occurs. The results are almost always frustrating.
Thinking that it has to use a lot of muscle to hit as hard as it wants to, Self 1 will initiate the use of muscles in the shoulder, forearm, wrist and even face which will actually impede the force of the swing.
Fortunately, most children learn to walk before they can be told how to by their parents. Yet, children not only learn how to walk very well, but they gain confidence in the natural learning process which operates within them. Mothers observe their children’s efforts with love and interest, and if they are wise, without much interference. If we could treat our tennis games as we do a child learning to walk, we would make more progress.
When the child loses his balance and falls, the mother doesn’t condemn it for being clumsy. She doesn’t even feel bad about it; she simply notices the event and perhaps gives a word or gesture of encouragement. Consequently, a child’s progress in learning to walk is never hindered by the idea that he is uncoordinated.
The trick is not to identify with the backhand. If you view an erratic backhand as a reflection of who you are, you will be upset. But you are not your backhand any more than a parent is his child.
The important thing for a beginning player to remember is to allow the natural learning process to take place and to forget about stroke-by-stroke self-instructions. The results will be surprising.
Most of us who learn tennis through verbal instruction can explain in great detail how the ball should be hit but have trouble doing it.
Words were not learned by Self 2 until several years after birth. No, the native tongue of Self 2 is imagery: sensory images. Movements are learned through visual and feeling images. So the three methods of communicating I will discuss all involve sending goal-oriented messages to Self 2 by images and “feel images.”
The changes that Sally made in her forehand lay in the fact that she gave Self 2 a clear visual image of the results she desired. Then she told her body in effect, “Do whatever you have to do to go there.” All she had to do was let it happen.
Getting the clearest possible image of your desired outcomes is a most useful method for communicating with Self 2, especially when playing a match.
Self 1’s only role is to be still and observe the results in a detached manner. Let me stress again that it is important not to make any conscious effort to keep the racket flat. If after a few strokes the racket does not conform to the image you gave Self 2, then image the desired outcome again and let your body swing your racket, making sure Self 2 isn’t giving it the slightest assistance.
Pick another habit you would like to change, or even the same one. (If the habit has not been corrected by your first efforts, it would be interesting to work on the same one.) Ask your friend to throw you five or ten balls. During this, make no attempt to change your stroke; simply observe it. Don’t analyze it, just observe it carefully; experience where your racket is at all times. Changes may occur while you are merely observing your stroke nonjudgmentally, but if you feel further correction is needed, then “create an image of the desired form.” Show yourself exactly what you want Self 2 to do. Give it a clear visual image, moving your racket slowly in the desired path, and let yourself watch it very closely. Then repeat the process, but this time feel exactly what it’s like to move your racket in this new manner.
I often suggest that as an experiment they adopt the style that seems most unlike the one they have previously adopted. I also suggest that they act the role of a good player, no matter what style they have chosen. Besides being a lot of fun, this kind of role-playing can greatly increase a player’s range.
Letting go of judgments, the art of creating images and “letting it happen” are three of the basic skills involved in the Inner Game.
Discovering Technique
It seemed that the mother knew exactly how much it needed to “show,” when to encourage and when encouragement was no longer needed. It knew it could trust a great deal in the instinct of the child, once it was “jump-started.”
Maybe the error was in not trusting Self 2 enough and relying too much on Self 1 control. It is as if we would like to think of ourselves more as an obedient computer than as a human being.
In short, if we let ourselves lose touch with our ability to feel our actions, by relying too heavily on instructions, we can seriously compromise our access to our natural learning processes and our potential to perform. Instead, if we hit the ball relying on the instincts of Self 2, we reinforce the simplest neural pathway to the optimal shot.
Too many verbal instructions, given either from outside or inside, interfere with one’s shotmaking ability.
So the question that remains is how one person’s greater level of experience can help another person. The short answer is that a valid instruction derived from experience can help me if it guides me to my own experiential discovery of any given stroke possibility.
Can the backhand be hit with a wrist that is too loose to give control? Certainly. But can it also be hit with a wrist that is too firm? Yes, of course it can. So as helpful as this instruction might appear, you cannot use it successfully by merely “obeying” it. Instead you use the instruction to guide your discovery of the optimal degree of tightness of your wrist. This of course can be done by paying attention to the feel of your wrist during your stroke and does not necessarily have to be put into language.
If you asked a group of teaching professionals to write down all the important elements of hitting a forehand, most would find it easy to distinguish at least fifty, and they might have several categories for each element. Imagine the difficulty for the tennis player dealing with this complexity. No wonder self-doubt is so easy to come by! On the other hand, understanding the swing, and remembering its feel, is like remembering a single picture.
Changing Habits
Tips are a dime a dozen, and there are good ones and bad ones. But what is more difficult to come by is a workable way to apply tips, to replace one pattern of behavior with a new one. It is in the process of changing habits that most players experience the greatest difficulty. When one learns how to change a habit, it is a relatively simple matter to learn which ones to change. Once you learn how to learn, you have only to discover what is worth learning.
Why is it so easy for a child to pick up a foreign language? Primarily because he hasn’t learned how to interfere with his own natural, untaught learning process. The Inner Game way of learning is a return toward this childlike way.
It is much more difficult to break a habit when there is no adequate replacement for it. This difficulty often exists when we become moralistic about our tennis game. If a player reads in a book that it is wrong to roll his racket over, but is not offered a better way to keep the ball in the court, it will take a great deal of willpower to keep his racket flat when he’s worried about the ball flying out of the court.
Often, in fact, the harder we try to break a habit, the harder it becomes to do.
It is a painful process to fight one’s way out of deep mental grooves. It’s like digging yourself out of a trench. But there is a natural and more childlike method. A child doesn’t dig his way out of his old grooves; he simply starts new ones! The groove may be there, but you’re not in it unless you put yourself there. If you think you are controlled by a bad habit, then you will feel you have to try to break it. A child doesn’t have to break the habit of crawling, because he doesn’t think he has a habit. He simply leaves it as he finds walking an easier way to get around.
Short, there is no need to fight old habits. Start new ones. It is the resisting of an old habit that puts you in that trench. Starting a new pattern is easy when done with childlike disregard for imagined difficulties. You can prove this to yourself by your own experience.
Here is a simple summary of the traditional way we have been taught to learn, contrasted with the Inner Game of learning. Experiment with this method and you will discover a workable way to make any desired change in your game.
Step 1: Nonjudgmental Observation
Where do you want to start? What part of your game needs attention? It is not always the stroke that you judge as worst which is the most ready for change. It is good to pick the stroke you most want to change. Let the stroke tell you if it wants to change.
After you have watched and felt your serve for five minutes or so, you may have a strong idea about the particular element of the stroke that needs attention. Ask your serve how it would like to be different. Maybe it wants a more fluid rhythm; maybe it wants more power, or a greater amount of spin. If 90 percent of the balls are going into the net, it’s probably quite obvious what needs to change. In any case, let yourself feel the change most desired, then observe a few more serves.
Step 2: Picture the Desired Outcome
Let’s assume that what is desired in your serve is more power. The next step is to picture your serve with more power. One way to do this might be to watch the motion of someone who gets a lot of power in his serve. Don’t overanalyse; simply absorb what you see and try to feel what he feels.
Step 3: Trust Self 2
Begin serving again, but with no conscious effort to control your stroke. In particular, resist any temptation to try to hit the ball harder. Simply let your serve begin to serve itself. Having asked for more power, just let it happen. This isn’t magic, so give your body a chance to explore the possibilities. But no matter what the results, keep Self 1 out of it.
Step 4: Nonjudgmental Observation of Change and Results
As you are letting your serve serve itself, your job is simply to observe. Watch the process without exercising control over it. If you feel you want to help, don’t. The more you can bring yourself to put trust in the natural process that is at work, the less you will tend to fall into the usual interfering patterns of trying too hard, judging and thinking—and the frustration that inevitably follows.
THE USUAL WAY OF LEARNING
STEP 1 Criticize or Judge Past Behavior
STEP 2 Tell Yourself to Change, Instructing with Word Commands Repeatedly
STEP 3 Try Hard; Make Yourself Do It Right
STEP 4 Critical Judgment About Results Leading to a Self 1 Vicious Cycle
THE INNER GAME WAY OF LEARNING
STEP 1 Observe Existing Behavior Nonjudgmentally
STEP 2 Picture Desired Outcome: No commands are used. Self 2 is asked to perform in the desired way to achieve the desired results. Self 2 is shown by use of visual image and felt action any element of stroke desired. If you wish the ball to go to the crosscourt corner, you simply imagine the necessary path of the ball to the target. Do not try to correct for past errors.
STEP 3 Let It Happen! Trust Self 2: The body is trusted, without the conscious control of mind. Effort is initiated by Self 2, but there is no trying by Self 1. Letting it happen doesn’t mean going limp; it means letting Self 2 use only the muscles necessary for the job. Nothing is forced. Continue the process.
STEP 4 Nonjudgmental, Calm Observation of the Results Leading to Continuing Observation and Learning: Though the player knows his goal, he is not emotionally involved in achieving it and is therefore able to watch the results calmly and experience the process. By so doing, concentration is best achieved, as is learning at its highest rate of speed; making new changes is only necessary when results do not conform to the image given.
When you try hard to hit the ball correctly, and it goes well, you get a certain kind of ego satisfaction. You feel that you are in control, that you are master of the situation. But when you simply allow the serve to serve itself, it doesn’t seem as if you deserve the credit. It doesn’t feel as if it were you who hit the ball. You tend to feel good about the ability of your body, and possibly even amazed by the results, but the credit and sense of personal accomplishment are replaced by another kind of satisfaction.
But of course the instant I try to make myself relax, true relaxation vanishes, and in its place is a strange phenomenon called “trying to relax.” Relaxation happens only when allowed, not as a result of “trying” or “making.”
Concentration: Learning to Focus
Fighting the mind does not work. What works best is learning to focus it. Learning to focus is the subject of this chapter and to whatever extent we learn this primary art, it can benefit us in most anything we do.
Then one day my roommate, another professional, challenged me to a match. I accepted, saying half-jokingly, “But you better watch out, I’ve found the secret to the serve.” The next day we played and I served two double faults the first game! The moment I tried to apply some “secret,” Self 1 was back in the picture again, this time under the subtle guise of “trying to let go.” Self 1 wanted to show off to my roommate; it wanted the credit.
The focused mind only picks up on those aspects of a situation that are needed to accomplish the task at hand. It is not distracted by other thoughts or external events, it is totally engrossed in whatever is relevant in the here and now.
So the question arises as to how to maintain focus for extended periods of time. The best way is to allow yourself to get interested in the ball. How do you do this? By not thinking you already know all about it, no matter how many thousands of balls you have seen in your life. Not assuming you already know is a powerful principle of focus.
The results were the same as with any effective focus. The exercise would give the player better feedback from the ball and, at the same time, help clear his mind of distractions. It’s hard to be saying “bounce-hit” and at the same time over instructing yourself, trying too hard or worrying about the score.
Natural focus occurs when the mind is interested. When this occurs, the mind is drawn irresistibly toward the object (or subject) of interest.
It rarely occurs to a player to listen to the ball, but I have found great value in this focus. When the ball hits your racket, it makes a distinct sound, the quality of which varies considerably, depending on its proximity to the “sweet spot,”
I have found that the practice of listening to the ball is best used during practice. If you become sensitive to sound in practice, you will find that you will then use sound automatically during a match to encourage the repetition of solid shots. The habit will increase the number of balls hit solidly.
Again, you can program the best results by remembering as precisely as possible the feel in your hand, wrist, and arm after a good solid hit.
Remember: it is almost impossible to feel or see anything well if you are thinking about how you should be moving.
Though focus of attention helps your tennis, it is equally true that playing tennis can help your focus of attention. Learning focus of attention is a master skill that has unlimited application. For those interested, let me elaborate briefly on some theoretical aspects of concentration.
Probably you were not aware of how your tongue feels in your mouth—but in all likelihood after reading the foregoing words, you now are. While you were reading or listening to the sights and sounds around you, you were not aware of the feeling of your tongue, but with the slightest suggestion, the mind directs the focus of attention from one thing to another. When attention is allowed to focus, it comes to know that place. Attention is focused consciousness, and consciousness is that power of knowing.
If consciousness were like an electric light shining in a dark forest, by virtue of this light, it would be possible to see and know the forest within a certain radius. The closer an object is to the light, the more it will be illuminated and the greater the detail that will be visible. Objects farther away are seen more vaguely. But if we put a reflector around this light, making it into a searchlight, then all the light would shine in one direction.
The light of consciousness can be focused either externally to objects available to the senses or internally to thoughts or feelings. And attention can be focused in a broad or narrow beam. Broad focus would be an attempt to see as much of the forest at one time as possible. Narrow focus would be directing attention to something very specific like the veins on a particular leaf on a particular twig of a branch.
The greatest lapses in concentration come when we allow our minds to project what is about to happen or to dwell on what has already happened. How easily the mind absorbs itself in the world of “what if”s. “What if I lose this point?” it thinks; “then I’ll be behind 5–3 on his serve.
Since the mind seems to have a will of its own, how can one learn to keep it in the present? By practice. There is no other way. Every time your mind starts to leak away, simply bring it gently back.
When they were responding quickly enough to hit the top-speed balls and believed they were at the peak of their concentration, I moved the machine to midcourt, fifteen feet closer than before. At this point, students would often lose some concentration as a degree of fear intruded. Their forearms would tense slightly, making their movements less quick and accurate. “Relax your forearm. Relax your mind. Simply relax into the present, focus on the seams of the ball, and let it happen.” Soon they were again able to meet the ball in front of them with the center of their rackets. There was no smile of self-satisfaction, merely total absorption in each moment. Afterward, some players said that the ball seemed to slow down; others remarked how weird it was to hit balls when you didn’t have time to think about it. All who enter even a little into that state of being present will experience a calmness and a degree of ecstasy which they will want to repeat.
How to stay concentrated in the here and now between points? My own device, and one that has been effective for many of my students, is to focus attention on breathing.
One caution about “the zone”: it cannot be controlled by Self 1. I have seen many articles that claim to provide a technique for “playing in the zone every time.” Forget it! This is a setup. It’s an age-old trap. Self 1 likes the idea of playing in the zone, especially the results that usually occur. So Self 1 will try to grasp onto almost anything that promises to take you to what everyone agrees is a wonderful place. But there is one catch; the only way to get there is to leave Self 1 behind. So as long as you let Self 1 be the one that takes you there, it will be there too and you will not be able to go into the zone. If you do, even for a moment, Self 1 will say, “Good, I got there,” and you will be out again.
Games People Play on and Off the Court
Main Game 1: Good
GENERAL AIM: To Achieve Excellence
GENERAL MOTIVE: To Prove Oneself “Good”
Main Game 2: Friends
GENERAL AIM: To Make or Keep Friends
GENERAL MOTIVE: Desire for Friendship
Main Game 3: Health / Fun
GENERAL AIM: Mental or Physical Health or Pleasure
GENERAL MOTIVE: Health and/or Fun
We live in an achievement-oriented society where people tend to be measured by their competence in various endeavors. Even before we received praise or blame for our first report card, we were loved or ignored for how well we performed our very first actions. From this pattern, one basic message came across loud, clear and often: you are a good person and worthy of respect only if you do things successfully.
But who said that I am to be measured by how well I do things? In fact, who said that I should be measured at all? Who indeed? What is required to disengage oneself from this trap is a clear knowledge that the value of a human being cannot be measured by performance—or by any other arbitrary measurement.
The Meaning of Competition
What is seldom recognized is that the need to prove yourself is based on insecurity and self-doubt. Only to the extent that one is unsure about who and what he is does he need to prove himself to himself or to others.
Why does the surfer wait for the big wave? The answer was simple, and it unraveled the confusion that surrounds the true nature of competition. The surfer waits for the big wave because he values the challenge it presents. He values the obstacles the wave puts between him and his goal of riding the wave to the beach. Why? Because it is those very obstacles, the size and churning power of the wave, which draw from the surfer his greatest effort. It is only against the big waves that he is required to use all his skill, all his courage and concentration to overcome; only then can he realize the true limits of his capacities.
The potential may have always been within him, but until it is manifested in action, it remains a secret hidden from himself. The obstacles are a very necessary ingredient to this process of self-discovery.
Winning is overcoming obstacles to reach a goal, but the value in winning is only as great as the value of the goal reached. Reaching the goal itself may not be as valuable as the experience that can come in making a supreme effort to overcome the obstacles involved. The process can be more rewarding than the victory itself.
So I arrived at the startling conclusion that true competition is identical with true cooperation. Each player tries his hardest to defeat the other, but in this use of competition it isn’t the other person we are defeating; it is simply a matter of overcoming the obstacles he presents.
Although I believe that is true, it is not necessarily true that all great effort leads to greatness. A very wise person once told me, “When it comes to overcoming obstacles, there are three kinds of people. The first kind sees most obstacles as insurmountable and walks away. The second kind sees an obstacle and says, I can overcome it, and starts to dig under, climb over, or blast through it. The third type of person, before deciding to overcome the obstacle, tries to find a viewpoint where what is on the other side of the obstacle can be seen. Then, only if the reward is worth the effort, does he attempt to overcome the obstacle.”
The Inner Game Off the Court
When a player comes to recognize, for instance, that learning to focus may be more valuable to him than a backhand, he shifts from being primarily a player of the outer game to being a player of the Inner Game.
The people who will best survive the present age are the ones Kipling described as “those who can keep their heads while all about are losing theirs.” Inner stability is achieved not by burying one’s head in the sand at the sight of danger, but by acquiring the ability to see the true nature of what is happening and to respond appropriately. Then Self 1’s reaction to the situation is not able to disrupt your inner balance or clarity.
Self 2’s needs come with a gentle but constant urging. A certain feeling of contentment attends a person whenever he or she is acting in sync with this self. The fundamental issue is what kind of priority are we giving the demands of Self 2 in relation to all the external pressures? It is obvious that every individual must ask and answer this question for himself or herself.
In most lectures that I have given recently, I remind myself and the audience that even though I come from California, I don’t believe in self-improvement, and I certainly don’t want to improve them. Sometimes there is a stunned response. But I don’t think anyone’s Self 2 needs improvement from birth to death. It has always been fine. I, more than anyone, need to remember that. Yes, our backhands can improve, and I’m sure my writing can get better; certainly our skills in relating to each other on the planet can improve. But the cornerstone of stability is to know that there is nothing wrong with the essential human being.
Focus means not dwelling on the past, either on mistakes or glories; it means not being so caught up in the future, either its fears or its dreams, that my full attention is taken from the present. The ability to focus the mind is the ability to not let it run away with you. It does not mean not to think—but to be the one who directs your own thinking. Focusing can be practiced on a tennis court, chopping carrots, in a pressure-packed board meeting or while driving in traffic. It can be practiced when alone or in conversation. It takes as much trust to fully focus attention when listening to another person without carrying on a side conversation in your own head as it does to watch a tennis ball in all its detail, without listening to Self 1’s worries, hopes, and instructions.