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In her global phenomenon The 5 Second Rule, Mel Robbins taught millions of people around the world the five second secret to motivation. Now she’s back with another simple, proven tool you can use to take control of your life: The High 5 Habit.

Don’t let the title fool you. This isn’t a book about high fiving everyone else in your life. You’re already doing that. Cheering for your favorite teams. Celebrating your friends. Supporting the people you love as they go after what they want in life.

Imagine if you gave that same love and encouragement to yourself. Or even better, you made it a daily habit.

You’d be unstoppable.

In this book, Mel teaches you how to start high fiving the most important person in your life, the one who is staring back at you in the mirror: YOURSELF.

If you struggle with self-doubt (and who doesn’t?) …
If you’re tired of that nagging critic in your head (could somebody evict them already?) …
If you’re wildly successful but all you focus on is what’s going wrong (you’re not alone) …
If you’re sick of watching everybody else get ahead while you sit on the couch with your dog (don’t bring your dog into this) …

…Mel dedicates this book to you.

Using her signature science-backed wisdom, deeply personal stories, and the real-life results that The High 5 Habit is creating in people’s lives around the world (and you’ll meet a lot of them throughout this book), Mel will teach you how to make believing in yourself a habit so that you operate with the confidence that your goals and dreams demand.

The High 5 Habit is a simple yet profound tool that changes your attitude, your mindset, and your behavior. So be prepared to laugh and learn as you take steps to immediately boost your confidence, happiness, and results.

It’s time to give yourself the high fives, celebration, and support you deserve.

Give your reflection a high-five to start the day:

What thoughts do you have about the person gazing back at you as you brush your teeth in front of the mirror every morning? Do you ever congratulate yourself on the person you’ve become? Do you consider how nice you look or the great things your body is capable of?

Or do you spend your early minutes, like the bulk of us, berating yourself and pointing out imperfections in your body?

The author Mel Robbins used to do the same thing. She’d stand in front of the mirror first thing in the morning, tearing apart her look, loathing her chin, neck, and stomach. This self-flagellation would continue until she moved on to the second part of her morning routine: fretting about the day’s many critical chores.

But then something unexpected happened. One day, things took a turn for the worst.

That morning, Robbins didn’t criticize or be concerned. She saluted herself instead, lifting her hand to her own mirror. She then held it up to the mirror and gave herself a high-five.

Why? It was a challenging question to respond to. She felt tired, worried, and dissatisfied with herself. She was in need of aid. But she knew that the help had to come from inside. The high five was a statement of confidence in certain respects.

It was corny, yes, but it felt good. She made high fives a habit, and after glancing in the mirror every morning, she felt a little better about herself.

When you look in the mirror tomorrow morning, you’ll know what you want to do. You may either dwell on your mistakes and contemplate life’s problems, or you can take a minute to congratulate and encourage yourself.

Make an informed decision and give yourself a high-five.

High fives have been scientifically demonstrated to be effective:

What memories come to mind when you think about high fives? Are you remembering a youthful achievement like scoring a goal or hitting a home run? Is it better to congratulate a buddy on a promotion at work or to finally get rid of a lousy partner?

Mel Robbins has a unique recollection that jumps out. It was the 2001 New York City Marathon, and she was competing. She was fatigued, achy, and unprepared for the situation. Around mile seven, the blisters on her feet ripped open, and each step became unbearably painful.

On the other hand, Robbins did not give up. Not her superhuman strength or steely dedication, but strangers’ support – notably the high fives she got from everyone she passed along the road – kept her going.

Studies can explain why that modest act of kindness made such a big effect.

Researchers gave a group of kids a series of activities and then rewarded them in one of three ways in one experiment. Researchers praised some youngsters for a particular trait, labeling them as brilliant or gifted. Others were praised for making an effort, and the researchers praised them for their devotion.

High fives, on the other hand, were given to the third set of children. Can you figure out which group was most satisfied with their job and remained the longest? The youngsters were given high fives.

Can self-high-fiving, on the other hand, be just as effective? Absolutely. High-fiving oneself may change the structure of your brain, according to research in the area of neurotics.

When you combine a familiar activity, like brushing your teeth, with an unfamiliar twist, such as high-fiving your reflection, your brain is aroused, making it easier to build new neural connections, according to a neuropsychiatric study.

So, when you give yourself a high-five in the mirror, your brain notices something new and odd is going on; to put it another way, it starts paying attention. The happy mood is more likely to continue when that action is paired with loving thoughts and self-encouragement.

Try it for five days and give your reflection a high-five every morning. You’ll be astounded by the change you’ll notice.

Unpleasant thoughts may set off a cascade of undesirable behaviors:

Mel Robbins may now be a life coach, but when she was younger, her own life seemed out of control. As a young girl in law school, she was lucky enough to get a fantastic opportunity: a summer internship with the Attorney General’s Office in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

As part of her duties there, Robbins was asked to work on research that looked at the state’s criminal re-offense statistics. She was passionate about the subject and would have wanted to explore it, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Why? She was overwhelmed in a nutshell: Robbins’ fear of failure was so intense that she never started working on the project. When she was called to the attorney general’s office to voice her discontent, she made up some excuses — and then unexpectedly resigned.

For Robbins, self-doubt transformed a terrific opportunity into a source of stress. When she quit the job, she felt even worse about herself. Her greatest fears had come true: she’d been entrusted with a critical task, and she’d failed miserably. She had the impression that she had failed.

Things have, unfortunately, only grown worse. Robbins landed another summer work with a legal firm in New Mexico, but the incredible opportunity came with strong emotions of worry and self-doubt. She phoned the company a week before she was meant to fly out and start, made up a story about a family problem, and told them she couldn’t take the job after all.

This may seem far off from giving oneself a high-five in the mirror every morning, yet the habit and Robbins’ actions are inextricably intertwined. Robbins’ self-destructive acts were founded in profoundly formed habits of relentless self-criticism and self-doubt, thanks to her deeply ingrained habits of harsh self-criticism and self-doubt. Every time life presented her with a chance, the same feelings arose, eroding her sense of competence and fearlessness.

With the help of counselling, Robbins ultimately put in the effort required to improve her self-confidence. She realized that messing up makes you despise yourself, and that despise makes you more prone to make mistakes. It’s a vicious cycle that keeps you caught in a cycle of failure and self-loathing.

Is there an antidote? Being kind, helpful, and encouraging to oneself, or high-fiving one’s own reflection.

It’s possible that your RAS may get clogged with unnecessary data:

You presumably clean the lint filter when you put your clothing in the dryer. It isn’t a huge problem. Dryers create lint over time, and if the filter isn’t cleaned, the dryer will stop working correctly.

Although it’s a simple operation, have you ever tried it on your mind?

The RAS, or Reticular Activating System, is a mental filter that filters the information your brain processes, ensuring that only the most relevant information enters conscious thinking. Your RAS, like your laundry’s lint filter, might need a thorough cleaning now and again.

The essential point is that your RAS might get clogged with unnecessary information.

So, what is the “lint” that is clogging up your RAS? In a word, it’s your self-defeating and self-limiting attitudes and beliefs, which are the same ones that have prevented Robbins from progressing in her law career.

Rejection, failures, disappointments, and insults may all cause your RAS to get stuck, allowing your mind to focus on negative information while dismissing positive information.

We can, thankfully, get rid of this emotional residue. The High Five Habit, as well as Robbins’ self-acceptance and self-love patterns, are the psychological equivalents of eliminating a thick layer of lint.

One of the characteristics utilized by your RAS to filter information is its importance. The RAS will stress negativity even more if it feels you find it significant and meaningful. Your RAS will learn to appreciate positives more if you start looking for them.

That final aspect is worth highlighting. You don’t have to depend on your RAS: you can teach it what to search for and train it to stress all the positive aspects of your life over time. Your new habit of high-fiving yourself in the mirror is a terrific start, but it’s not the only one you should make: in the next blink, we’ll look at a powerful strategy for making your RAS work for you.

Disrupt your ideas by repeating a mantra and acting like the person you want to be:

You may be a bit suspicious at this point. Sure, high-fiving your mirror feels great at the moment, but it’s unlikely to affect your attitude or self-confidence in the long run. Right?

If you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone. When Mel Robbins’ daughter first heard of her mother’s new habit, she felt the same way. How could something as simple as giving oneself a high-five in the mirror begin to change long-held beliefs and attitudes?

The world seems to spin around and grin at you when you practice the High Five Habit.

You must take three actions to teach your RAS to perceive the world in a new light. The first step is simple: break your old mind habits.

Say to yourself, “I’m not thinking about that,” the next time you find yourself criticizing or doubting yourself. It may seem straightforward, but refusing to repeat the same tired ideas educates your RAS to ignore them in the future.

However, just diminishing your present cognitive processes is insufficient. You need to swap them out for something more suited – something prettier, more supportive, and practical. In this case, a mantra might be beneficial. When choosing it, though, you must use caution.

If you don’t think your mantra is true, your mind will reject it. Choose a sentence that is both uplifting and truthful in your opinion. “Every day, I’m becoming a little stronger” or “Today, I deserve to feel terrific” are two sentences to try.

The last step is to begin behaving like the person you want to become. You can’t alter deeply embedded beliefs without taking action, and witnessing yourself behave differently validates your new belief.

Now it’s time to put everything together. Stop a negative idea in its tracks and convince yourself you’re not going to think about it. Then repeat a useful and truthful mantra to yourself. Finally, behave in a manner that reveals the validity of your new conviction.

Thankfulness may be used instead of apologies:

How frequently do you feel the need to apologize? It’s a tic that some of us have trouble overcoming. The word “sorry” seems to be on our lips all the time when we have to cancel plans, beg for help, or even if someone else accidentally runs into us on the street.

It looks to be a harmless habit on the surface. Who do you think you’re hurting by apologizing, after all? However, if you look a little deeper, the impulse to apologize might be a sign of something more serious: a strong feeling of guilt that makes living a really full life difficult.

Living fearlessly and truthfully does, however, imply that you may sometimes disappoint people. It also implies that you’ll need to depend on people at times, whether for moral support, a favor, or just a sympathetic ear. Rather than apologizing, start expressing thanks.

Being exposed to thanksgiving feels a lot better than being exposed to guilt. To put it another way, being applauded rather than apologized to is better.

People who constantly apologize might be unpleasant at times. One of the author’s pals is the sort that feels forced to apologize for all of the time.

The author realized one day that her friend’s habit irritated her: whenever she apologized, she shifted the emphasis to herself. She didn’t thank the author for her compassion or patience since she didn’t anticipate confirmation that she wasn’t offended. When opposed to a sincere “Thank you,” her apologies began to seem a bit flat.

Don’t be a jerk like that. Those that love and care about you want to help and support you. Instead of apologizing, show your thanks if they go out of their way to do something kind for you.

Thank you notes don’t merely emphasize the generosity of the person to whom you’re speaking. It also enables you to recognize your needs without feeling guilty about them. It sends a message to the rest of the world and to yourself that you don’t have to feel guilty about having your own wants and ambitions.

When you’re continually apologizing for existing, it’s difficult to maintain a high-five mentality. But what about gratitude? Gratitude and high fives are inextricably linked.

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