Henry Cloud: Never Go Back Book Summary

Never again… Return to what hasn’t worked: Before you ever think about returning you should ask your self these three questions. Tomorrow should be new and improved, always!

Am I different in some way that would make this work?

Is the other person or persons different in some way?

Is the situation fundamentally different in some way?

Never again…Do anything that requires you to be someone you’re not. Before you invest in a person, a relationship, a team, a company, a career, a church, or anything that you will become part of in a meaningful way, ask yourself this question: Can I do this and still be me? Obviously, most things require compromise and sacrifice, but never sacrifice being who you are.
Never again…Try to change another person. I can’t get someone to do something they don’t choose to do, either because they can’t or because they don’t desire to do it.
Never again…Believe that you can please everyone. To please everyone it requires you to be multiple people. This just isn’t physically or mentally possible. And worse, if you are making everyone happy, you are making the wrong people happy. The people who are hardest to please are often the most self-centred and are only happy when you do what is good for them and that is usually not good for the whole.
Never again…Choose short term comfort over long-term benefit. The bible refers to a sluggard. I didn’t even know what a sluggard was, I could assume. The true definition of a sluggard: is someone who avoids pain. Anything of value usually has some kind of pain attached to it. If we avoid pain now, the payoff will never come. And more pain will. Pain first, payoff later, discipline before strength, investment before return, no pain-no gain. A moment of pain can lead to a long time of relief, if we are willing to go through what successful people go through all of the time, face a season of pain, disruption, discomfort, effort, something that hurts a bit. Here is a rule: Suffer first, and benefit later.
Never again…Trust someone or something flawless. The world is imperfect. Period. No one thing is without flaw. When we are deceived by the portrayal of perfection, we set ourselves up for a great fall. When someone or something looks to good to be true, he, she, or it is.
Never again…Take your eyes off the big picture. Thrivers always keep the big picture in mind, while strugglers get caught up in what is happening at the moment. No one thing that happens to us can determine who we are. When you keep the bigger picture in mind, you will always have hope for another day. Don’t let the little defeats keep you from pursuing your bigger goals. This is just part of life.
Never again…Neglect to do due diligence. Successful people take their time. They investigate all of the facts and try to make the best decisions after uncovering as many facts as they can. This can be about a person, a company, or any situation, always do due diligence.
Never again…Fail to ask why you are here and where you are. Never ignore the part you play in being where you are. You should constantly be asking yourself: What am I doing, Is this working, Why am I here, What am I becoming. These are all questions that require you to look at yourself and your situation and know the part you are playing in your life. When we begin to change, then the situations we find ourselves can begin to change as well.
Never again…Forget that your inner life determines your outer success. Our life is never on the outside. It is always on the inside. The invisible life always produces the visible life. Life works “inside out.” Our happiness is determined by who we are on the inside and who we have become. People who invest themselves in developing their real talents and strengths and then put them to use are more fulfilled.